Post # 1
My sister-in-law and I have had drama between us for over 2 years now. It’s a very long story, but basically one night she was in my face while I was drink and I told her I didn’t like her. She is almost 8 years older than me and took this to heart, stating how she didn’t have to pretend to like me anymore. Fast forward..I have tried numerous times over the past 2 years to be civil and make nice for her husband and my fiancé who are brothers. Every attempt is met with rude and childish remarks. We haven’t spoken in over a year despite my attempts to make nice. Lately she has taken to inviting the entire family, including my fiancé, except me to family events that her and her husband put together. After being excluded for about the 4th time I finally asked her why I don’t get the text invites that everyone gets. She immediately jumps down my throat about how I don’t care about her children or how they are so she didn’t figure i would want an invite. That was completely irrelevant to my question. The conversation continued and I stated that she doesn’t try to have a relationship with me or my fiancé. She told me I had a good point and that she didn’t have time for my “drama”. She hasn’t acknowledged our engagement and it’s been 5 months. After much discussion with my fiancé, we have decided she will not be invited to the wedding despite being his brother’s wife. We believe that a wedding is a time to spend with those that love and care about you the most and she obviously doesn’t fit that description. We already know this will cause tension in the family but have decided it is worth it to avoid the drama she could cause at the wedding. The question is, how do we address an invite to my fiance’s brother, her husband, without her trying to RSVP as a guest?
Post # 3
@mrsdfarrar6714: Is this likely to ruin your FI’s relationship with your brother? I highly recommend that you don’t actually do this.
Post # 4
You don’t. They are married, you can’t invite him and not her. They are a social unit together. If you are asking her about not being included, why don’t you be the bigger person and invite her?
Post # 5
@mrsdfarrar6714: So she was in your face, you said something you really shouldn’t have which hurt her and her response was to stop inviting you to things. You don’t like that and don’t understand why she’s doing that, so your response is to… not invite her to your wedding? Do you see how you are both acting exactly the wrong way?
Your FI’s brother and his wife are his family. You are about to get married, which means they will be your family as well. Not inviting her would be a huge snub and probably feel good to you for about 2 seconds before it causes a quarrel for the ENTIRE family. Is that how you want to enter the family? Because there’s no coming back from that.
You can choose to carry on this fight that, really, just spiraled and should have been resolved 2 years ago. Or you can choose to be the bigger woman and look good to your FILs by inviting her even though she’s snubbed you because she is FAMILY and you want that to be important to you.
Post # 6
Your FI’s brother might not attend if his wife isn’t invited.
Put the ball in her court – you’ll end up being the bigger person whether she decides to attend or not.
Post # 7
Unfortunately… you HAVE to invite her.. even if she doesn’t come because she doesn’t like you… But you will be player her stupid game if you don´t.
I invited a colleage who drinks a lot and didn’t want to invite because he was going to be the only one not invited to the wedding… He didn’t go because he had to work.. 🙂
Just invite the family.. it will be your way of trying to mend things.. if she doesn’t go.. HOORAY!! and move on… if she DOES go… enjoy your day, have fun with or without her and move on!!
Post # 8
You two woman are doing these poor brothers no favors!
Post # 9
You have to invite her. However, if she dislikes you that much she probably won’t come! Then you were the bigger person but you still get to enjoy your day. Even if she comes, you will be so busy you don’t notice her.
Post # 10
This fued is over something really stupid, you both need to get over it. If she was hosting events the whole family was invited to, you should have gone with your FI anyway.
Excluding her is going to do nothing but add fuel to the fire. My one aunt is an absolute vile woman, and for reasons beyond what I can comprehend my father’s brother is still married to her. My father absolutely does not want to invite her, but I’ve explained to him if he wants his brother there the wife has to be invited to.
Post # 11
If you invite her you’re doing right by your FI and his brother. If she acts like a bitch at your wedding you still come out on top as the better person. If you don’t invite her you won’t look so good to your future in laws. Take the high road for your FI’s sake.
Post # 12
@mrsdfarrar6714: Just invite them both and ignore them – it will be easy to do when you are so busy and focusing on yourself and being happy. Trust me – I wanted to uninvite my husbands sister after the shit she pulled 2 weeks before our wedding – but I didn’t because I was a bigger person. Invite them both – maybe she won’t come and by not inviting her you are stooping to her level.
Post # 13
@lia..so much more has happened in the past 2 years since then. For example, she met my fiancé one time before we started dating and 6 months into our relationship accused me of changing him and saying he wasnt happy with me. On my 21st birthday she accused my best friend of cheating on her husband because she stayed in the same hotel suite as me and my fiancé where absolutely nothing happened. After her wedding a year ago I tried to make nice for the millionth time and her response was “I don’t know you well enough in person to be friends”. She told everyone my future MIL hated me. The list goes on.
Post # 14
@mrsdfarrar6714: IMHO, I think not inviting her would not only be rude, but a huge mistake. Take the high road and invite her. Given her feelings, she may not want to attend but that is her choice. If you stoop to her level, you not only come off looking as petty and vindictive as your FSIL, but you also give her a built in excuse for snubbing you in the future.
Where is your FI and his brother in all this? Could the four of you sit down and try to put things right?
Post # 15
I’m sorry but you are both being childish, and the people who are going to pay is the brothers.
I highly dislike my Sister in law. But I haven’t fought with her in years.
This is how I have a relationship with her. First it’s purely on the surface. I don’t have her cell she doesn’t have mine, she been to my house maybe once or twice. When I hang out or see my brother he comes alone. I also don’t call his home phone.I go their house for family events and for events for the kids only. We don’t socialize with each other outside of this situation.
I think instead of pouring gasoline you need to take a step back, and truly make the effort for your future husband and if your having kids for thier sake as well.
Stop having direct communication with her. Have the brothers sit down alone and come to an agreement about family events, and about how they both will help in making this relationship happen. Let them have thier alone time without the two of you, and at big events when the whole family is invited your inlaws and her husband should be very clear that you are family and if she doesn’t want you there, then she shouldn’t be hosting family events.
At a certain point she will look bad if she continues the way she has, but at this point you both are behaving badley.
Personally I think the reasons you mention for not having her at the wedding is petty and childish. Is this really worth starting a bigger family rift over?It sounds to me like you are using your wedding for payback more then anything.
I know from personal experience that it’s quite possible to be civil and to limit contact to make it possible for everyone to have smooth relationship even if it isn’t a warm or close one.
Post # 16
By not inviting her, you are stooping to her level and inviting unecessary headaches and strees into your life.
Just invite her and ignore her. You will come out on top by acting with class an grace as opposed to her childish and rude behavior.