Post # 1
We will be leaving the US to get married and honeymoon in Italy…a planned elopement basically. We are ecstatic ♥ Both my and my fiances parents have passed and our families are really small so we feel great about our plans. I’m in my 40’s (first wedding) and he is in his 50’s (widowed) so we decided to have a very small and intimate ceremony in an ancient castle with an extra long honeymoon for just the two of us.
My sister just started dating a new guy and has started asking if they can come to the wedding! They just met about 3 weeks ago so I didn’t answer thinking that they may not even work out so it may not require an answer. She is asking again though and I have to say something. My sister and I don’t get along that well and she basically drives me crazy even if we just talk on the phone. She is very emtionally unstable, constantly complains, creates drama everywhere she goes and everything always ends up being about her and her problems and how she feels. She has been diagnosed as a narcissist and has multiple social and personality disorders that affect her behavior and she is very difficult to spend time with although God knows I try! It would be torture to travel internationally with her…the stress, the planning, the long flight etc…
So while I love her and want to her to attend a reception type party when we return home there is no way that I want to risk having her there to spoil the trip and the wedding. It is just too important to me to risk it. No one else is coming or invited either and everyone seems to be fine coming to a reception after we get back home. How can I tell her that we don’t want her to come without hurting her feelings? Please help!!
Post # 3
“i’m sorry, but it will be a private ceremony with only he and i. we will see you when we get back!”
Post # 4
@cuppeeecakes: First off–Your wedding sounds like it’s going to be AMAZING. Beyond amazing!
Secondly–Definitely let her know it’s just going to be you and him in Europe, but that you look forward to celebrating with her when you get back!
Post # 5
Thank you ladies. The idea of her coming just about makes me feel sick but I con’t figure out how to tell her no. Maybe just short and sweet like colorofmyheart wrote.
Post # 6
@cuppeeecakes: Just tell her straight out you will look forward to celebrating after you return home. Don’t be at all apologetic or make excuses, or answer if she asks for a reason. You are eloping. Your plans sound wonderful and I hope you have a fabulous time!!!
Post # 7
@Astra: Thank you! I have been waiting a long time to actually make it down the aisle with someone who is the most wonderful man I have ever met.
Post # 8
I would just flat out tell her it’s JUST for the two of you, but that you can all have dinner when you get back. 😛
Post # 9
@StephieBee: Can you do it for me?!? jk LOLOLOL Thanks!
Post # 10
Just say that you’re having a private ceremony and that nobody else is going. She can’t invite herself lol.
I know it’s difficult, but just tell her the truth.
Post # 11
@cuppeeecakes: First off I’m jealous of your wedding already. ITALY! o how I wish. Now about your sister, I would just be very straight up with her and just tell her that its just for you two and that when you guys get back then you all can go out to dinner or whatever else you may like. Dont try and do the little hints or anything, most people either don’t catch them or else they just ignore them.
Post # 12
@cuppeeecakes: If it truly is the two of you, she should understand. When it comes to elopments many people just don’t get it. Of course they want to be involved. I would just be straight to the point. It’s not like you are inviting others and leaving her in the dust. Don’t drag it out and don’t make excuses.
P.S. I’m jealous of your plans. Sounds amazinggggg.
Post # 13
I would say, “We’ve always dreamed of this PRIVATE elopement in Italy, so it’s just going to be us! Thank you for your interest, we’ll have to all go to dinner when we return to the US to celebrate!”
Note how there is no negative in there, no use of NO. All positive with a positive solution at the end!
I hope she can comprehend that.
Post # 14
@colorofmyheart: “i’m sorry, but it will be a private ceremony with only he and i. we will see you when we get back!”
The end and the period! And don’t offer ANY details, when your’re leaving, airport, hotel…nothing.
Post # 15
@cuppeeecakes: First, just tell her you really don’t want anyone else there, that it’s you and your husband’s special day to share together, and that she needs to respect that.
Then, “spill the beans” and tell her that you’re secretly getting married in Jamaica (and that she’s the only person you’ve told, of course).
Proceed to enjoy the following conversation as it unfolds:
Sister: “You lied to me!!! I spent all that money for NOTHING and you weren’t even there!”
You: “Oh WOW I didn’t expect you to actually JOIN us! Especially after telling you we didn’t want anyone else there in the first place! How sweet of you! MUAHAHAHA”
Post # 16
“It is called an Elopement cause it is JUST THE 2 OF US running off to get married privately… we will reconnect with all our Family & Friends when we get back”
Then stick by your guns
AND as many a Bride-2B has discovered on WBee… limit your talk about the Wedding with others… it causes less Drama / Trauma
If you haven’t shared exact details (ie Date, Location etc) I would encourage you not to.
Hope this helps, (( HUGS ))
Oh and for the record, Mr TTR & I Eloped to a Destination Wedding last Christmas, and we had 3 or 4 Couples seriously “suggest” that they wanted to come along for the trip / share with us. So you aren’t alone. We kept the major details to ourselves, and strongly told them NO.
Things got better once they knew all about the Back Home Reception Party after our Honeymoon.