Post # 1
So I have an unusual wedding party – my sister, my best female friend, and my two best male friends. I made my sister co-maid of honor with my best female friend, and she is angry and hurt. In reality, I am closer to my best friend than my sister and would have just had her be Maid/Matron of Honor, but did it out of obligation and because there are only two females.
Does she even have a right to be upset? Being asked should be an HONOR, not expected like she said it should have been. Thoughts?
Post # 3
Also, she told me I should have spoken with her first about making them both maid of honor. Really? Shouldn’t she be happy that I asked her at all? Or am I being unreasonable?
Post # 4
You kind of make it sound like, “she’s lucky I even asked her” which doesn’t seem like the greatest attitude. I think you need to calm down. She is entitled to her emotions – right or wrong – and both of you are acting a little immature. You can apologize to her for hurting her feelings without apologizing for not making her the sole maid of honor. Hopefully she can apologize for how she expressed her hurt feelings.
Post # 5
umm no tell her to shut up. THe great thing with siblings is you don’t have to be as nice to them as friends. Tell her your choice is final and it too much of an imposition she doesn’t have to be co maid of honor.
Post # 6
@Mabel127: No she has no right to be upset. My sister is a Bridesmaid or Best Man, my bff is my Maid/Matron of Honor, my sister knew that was how it would be before I even asked my girls. I’m close with my sister, but not as close as I am with my bff, I’ve been friends with this girl for about 13 years, and I will always be closer to her then I am to my sister.
Post # 7
I feel for her and can see why she is upset.
Post # 9
OP, she is just telling you that she is upset. She has a right to feel however she feels, just like you had the right to choose your bridal party as you like. She is your sister, after all.
Post # 10
Well she can’t help how she feels I guess but she shouldn’t have said anything to make you feel bad about it. I’m a bridesmaid in my sister’s upcoming wedding and I’m fourth (last) in the line behind my other sister plus two of her friends. I wasn’t upset, I thought it was nice that she asked me to be in it at all. It is an honour and I really think your sister needs to get over it.
Post # 11
I think she is most likely more upset that you and her aren’t closer, but if she isn’t married, that might be a bit of anger at being still single while you are settling down.
Post # 12
@TwoCityBride: I really have to disagree with this. You should be nicer to your siblings because you can’t decide you don’t want to be silbings anymore, you are stuck with them for life. Friends may grow apart, but you can never replace your family so you might as well be extra nice.
With that said, I get it from both sides. When my sister and I were kids we said we would be each others Maid/Matron of Honor. Fast foward about 15 years, my sister and I grew into very different people, and while we are on good terms we are just different and have found friends who resemble ourselves more. My sister got married first, and she made me co-MOH so she wouldn’t hurt my feelings. I was annoyed (especially because the other girl planned the shower when I couldn’t attend, and then when I planned a spa day for family and close friends she backed out the morning of, but whatever…) but I did my best to not make a big deal out of it because it is what my sister wanted. When it was my turn to get married, I decided not to have a Maid/Matron of Honor. Let’s face it, a lot of the times BM’s feel like their friendships are ranked in comparison to each other, and doesn’t feel good. I adore all my BMs and didn’t want to deal with having a Maid/Matron of Honor because it would have been awkward for me. You can probably pull off something similar, just saying that you adore both of them and didn’t want to choose between them.