Post # 1
I feel bad, I honestly do. I don’t want to be miss it, but her wedding is the weekend after a week long trek through the state-wide standardized test (I am a teacher and will be most likely giving/assisting with the oral dyslexia exam like I do every year) and when I asked my principal about getting that Friday before (my sister wanted me to take 3 days off, but that would be shot down without a second glance) off, and she said that unless it was an emergancy, those days were black out days, and she would not be approving my leave for that time. Had my sister’s wedding been on the Friday she’d give me the day, but since it is on Saturday and only a 4 hour drive, she said she would NOT be granting me any leave time. I did explain the situation and she basically said “oh well”.
I get off work at 4:00, my sister’s rehearsal is at 5:00, is set to last 2 hours, and then the dinner is from 7:30-10:00. If I leave immediately at 4:00 (my FI will have to take an hour off work so we can carpool together… no reason for us to BOTH go down in seperate cars…) the earliest I will be able to arrive is 8:00, well after her rehearsal is over. Now she is pretty livid with me and says that if I can’t make the rehearsal I might just have to drop out of the wedding, because the rehearsal is manditory. I tried explaining that I tried to get time off (I have to take either a full day or a 1/2 day) and that my principal just would NOT give me the time. She told me I had better call in sick then, but obviously my principal would know that I wasn’t sick, and I am sure that would be a black mark to my name. Yeah, it stinks that my BOSS won’t give me the time, I don’t disagree with her there, but this is NOT my fault. My sister does NOT care and trying to explain to her the importance of that week just fell on deaf ears. She thinks I am doing this intentionally just to ruin her wedding. She said if I really wanted to be there, I would find a way to be there.
So I don’t really know what to do. I’ve already purchased my attire for the wedding (actually purchased the last peice yesterday) and I would be pretty ticked off if I got kicked out of the wedding because I honestly cannot make the rehearsal. Had her wedding been ANY OTHER WEEKEND this wouldn’t be an issue… it just happens to fall on the weekend after the most SERIOUS week in my profession. Only certified teachers can give the test, and I am one of 10 teachers on my campus with SPED certification as well. Usually all 10 of us are giving/assisting with the SPED and/or Dyslexia tests, and I can understand why my principal does not want me to leave. I feel bad, I really do, but I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place. I feel like the bad person now because I’m likely not going to make her rehearsal. If I were able to get even a 1/2 day of leave I could make it, but my principal has given me a firm NO. It isn’t even like I waited to the last minute. I gave plenty of heads up. The timing just sucks. I don’t know what to do. I have a feeling I’ll end up being the bad guy regardless of what I do. If I miss her rehearsal I am a horrible sister and bridesmaid, if I call in sick after being denied personal leave I am one of “those” people and given the week, I will be certainly letting my co-workers AND my students down.
I just don’t think there is a “right choice” in this situation.
Post # 3
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@wbg21: Your sister is overreacting, there is no reason you HAVE to drop out if you can’t attend the RD. Can the ceremony really be that complex? Just have her or one of the BMs go over things with you after the dinner.
Post # 4
Your sister is being a bridezilla. She’ll make you drop out if you miss the rehearsal? I didn’t even have a rehearsal for my wedding and it turned out just fine. It is not worth risking your job over!
Post # 5
She’s being unreasonable given the circumstances. The rehearsal really isn’t that important. You do know how to walk slowly and stand still, right?
Post # 6
Your sister is totally over reacting here. In my opinion, making anything but the wedding itself mandatory is completly ridiculous!
We only had 6 out of my 8 maids, 4 out of 8 groomsmen, and 1 out of 3 readers attend out rehearsal. I’m sure you’re a capable woman, and can figure out how to walk down an aisle with a boquet in hand—it’s not brain surgery. Give her some time to relax and Im sure she’ll come around. Hopefully, she is just stressing about something else and taking it out on you. Good luck!
Post # 7
She is being ridiculous. Those tests are important and I’m sure your principal will be POed if you call off – and your principal would have much more of a reason for feeling that way than your sister. I know you’re both adults here (even though she isn’t really acting like it), but any chance you could get your parents to step in for you here?
Post # 8
Thank you all for replying. It is good to hear everyone’s feedback. I certainly do know how to walk slowly and stand still! In fact, I am rather good at it! I
Post # 9
Is your sister always this self-absorbed? She’s being totally unreasonable.
Post # 10
Your sister needs to chillax. You are an adult, you know how to walk down and aisle and stand there, she just has to say “you’re in this order” and voila, you know what to do. You are her SISTER, you really should never threaten flesh and blood that you’ll kick them out of your bridal party. I mean, she’d be out of line saying this to a friend too, but family is a whole other story! Does she not have a job? Does she not understand that people’s careers are in the hands of their bosses and they can’t just up and miss days whenever unless it’s really important? If you were late for the WEDDING, now that’s another story. If I were your sister I’d be upset, I might even whine for 5 seconds and say “ughhh realllllly there’s no way out of it?” lol, but I would never threaten to kick you out for missing a rehearsal of walking and standing. It would take a HELLUVALOT more for me to dethrone my sister as MOH. Like…she’d have to sleep with the groom, haha.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
I saw this on my fair wedding once, where David Tutera got really PO’s that two of the brides’ sisters couldnt take off at the last minute’s notice for a VERY IMPORTANT photo shoot… and as much as I love that fabulous man, I thought he was a little demanding!
But really, where your JOB is concerned? I would say she would have a right to be very dissapointed and maybe even pissed if you had just forgotten to ask off early enough. Or if you decided you’d rather do a spa day with your friends.
The entire world just doesn’t stop for anyone’s wedding. I could understand her being disappointed if you couldn’t come, or even being mad at the SITUATION, but for her to threaten to kick you out over this is her being in “over-the-top-bride-mode, and in the freak out over every detail of her very important day mode”. I really hope someone else brings her to her senses!
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You sister needs to chill. I’ve been in weddings where people had to miss the rehearsal… no big deal. Seriously. One of the other BMs will be responsible for telling you what to do… plus, it’s not exactly rocket science.
Post # 13
Yes there is a right choice: your job, 100%, your job comes first. If your sister wants to drop you from the wedding then so be it, but it’d be a massive overreaction. So long as most people are at the rehearsal, it doesn’t really matter if you miss it. Oh, and a 2 hour rehearsal? Wow!
Post # 14
As much as your sister is overreacting to having you not being in the wedding if you can’t make it, your boss is being an asshole. This is a family wedding. Not just a cousin or something but your SISTER. I would have never missed my siblings’ rehearsals bc I see that as part of the wedding celebration. I actually had a college professor deny me permission to miss one class to go to my brother’s wedding out of town a day early to Help. I went anyway bc family comes first.
I realize this isn’t 100% possible when it comes to a job bc u could get fired, but I’d sure guilt the hell out of him and go above him to complain that you are missing part of your sister’s special weekend bc they can’t let you out 3 hours early for a special occasion. maybe my family just values stuff like the “pre-wedding” celebration way too much, but I can tell you that I’m generally a workaholic but when it comes btw work and family, family comes first.
So before ppl jump all over me on this let me say that I get if your sister is disappointed and could understand her wanting you to try really hard to make it work, but yes I agree she is still completely overreacting with her threats.
Post # 15
The right choice is to go to work. If your sister wants to act crazy about a rehearsal then that’s her own poor choice. I’m sure another bridesmaid can fill you in on when you need to walk and where you need to go. It’s really not that complicated that you need to be kicked out of the wedding if you can’t make it. Is there someone else that can talk to her on your behalf, like another sibling or your parents? She might need to hear from a third party how crazy and awful she’s behaving.
Post # 16
Talk to your principal about it, and ask if there is any chance that you could leave early that day, to let you know. But tell her otherwise you will honor your work committments. Maybe something will happen and the exams will be over early, and have FH stand by to pick you up.
Sure, you could be at her wedding. You could quit your job or ruin your career by skipping work and then you’d be able to attend. But your sister doesn’t get to ask you to make such a sacrifice. Why can’t she have a rehearsal after dinner, or a rehearsal the next day?