Sister is sleeping with / dating my FBIL

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
884 posts
Busy bee

Ugh…that sucks! I don’t have a sister so I can’t imagine. hope it ends WAY before your wedding so they can be well over the fling before your wedding.

i can’t believe she said she would be the pretty daughter in law….what a jerk! 

Post # 3
Member
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Well it’s her and FBILs life. So nothing you can do about it. What I can say is that my MIL and her sister married brothers, her sister and BIL ended up in a nasty divorce but if you have a solid marriage it shouldn’t effect it in the least. 

Post # 4
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

Hmmmm….not sure what to say except I dated my sister’s husband before they ever met. When they started dating, they asked for my blessing. I gave it, along with seriously telling him that if he ever hurt her, I would break both his arms. They’ve been married 14 years, now. Yes, my sister is younger than me. If she loves you, will she hurt you in any way?

Post # 5
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Wow, that does suck. I wouldn’t be happy about it either, that could make for some very awkward family gatherings. But, there isn’t much you can do about it except let them make their own mistakes… or who knows what will happen. Maybe they are meant for eachother. Either way, you should focus on your wedding and your husband.

Your sister sounds a bit spoiled. Next time she says something like that say something! Put her in her place, she will learn that is not acceptable behaviour, joking or not.

Post # 6
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Norton Country Club

 

bassbee:  Besides this catty crap, ‘ “Oh! If we marry I can be the pretty daughter in law.” < yes she said that. ‘, I don’t think you should worry about it.  Set some boundaries with everyone involved early- “We will not discuss anything in secret or anything we’ve learned in confidence because our families deserve that respect.”  And “We will not alter any of the wedding plans to recognize a budding relationship (or a nasty breakup) and we hope you will be able to understand our decision.”

Maybe try to take this as a compliment… your sister and his brother might see how great you two are together and want to emulate that.  Maybe they think that your compatibility as a couple comes partially from your familial background.  Maybe they will actually work out together, so try not to strain things between the couples now.  I have a pair of friends that are sisters who married brothers.  Two happy marriages later, 7 “double” cousins between them- they are really a great family, but had similar concerns in the beginning. 

Post # 7
Member
2516 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

bassbee:  Let it go. Even if it ends badly how much interaction are the two of them really going to have together after the wedding?

My family and his family almost never get together and we all live close. The only times my sibs and my inlaws really see each other is for wedding stuff and one the very very random occassion where we have both sides over ( has happened like twice in the last 4 years)

It will be fine even if it ends in a breakup. Chill. And what if it goes great?? I think that would be awesome!

Post # 9
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bassbee:  I understand your concerns. It could cause problems if you get too involved. But I don’t think you should stress yourself out about it. If they end up breaking up sooner than later, then you worked yourself up for nothing. But if they actually end up being good for each other you don’t want to doubt their relationship this whole time and not have a relationship with them. That would really cause problems and strain your relationship in the future. 

Just tell your sister that their relationship is their relationship and you don’t want to get involved in any negative way. There’s not much you can do about it but let it be and try not to make things negative for them because that will just cause friction and drama between you and your sister and your fi and his brother, if you guys are always disapproving. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  newbeelove.
Post # 10
Member
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

yeah, i agree that your family and his family will rarely see each other except for major holidays, or sometimes not even. you should let her make her own mistakes. 

Post # 11
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You might be blowing this out of proportion. For me, my sister’s in-laws are HER in-laws, not mine. I don’t go to spend holidays with them- she does. Also, my husband’s family doesn’t interact w my sister besides at our wedding. I don’t see why this would be such a big deal. if your sister and FBIL stop dating, she just wouldn’t be around their family anymore besides at the wedding or your future kids’ bday parties or something, right? And if that’s awkward, it would only be awkward for her and the FBIL right, not you, and I’m sure that they’d get over it w time. Regardless, there’s no way to go back in time to make it so they never hooked up. 

She does sound rude with this whole “pretty daughter in law” thing but I don’t see how her dating him is going to affect your life in a real way. For now, just ignore her pettiness and don’t give her inside info. It’ll be fine. I don’t see how this impacts your relationship. 

Post # 14
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

bassbee:  no need to get upset. Everyone is just giving their opinion based on your post. I just said don’t get too involved, if you’re telling your sister anything or not. Simply, don’t get yourself involved in these feeling and stress out the way you are. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 3 months ago by  newbeelove.
Post # 15
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

bassbee:  but does your FBIL go with you to see your family once a month even when he’s not dating your sister? You see your family a lot and your FI sees your family a lot and give versa, but that doesn’t mean that each member of each family will spend tons of time with the other family even if your sister and the FBIL break up. 

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