(Closed) Sister issues… sister supposed to be a bridesmaid but we are not speaking :(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: how do I deal with my bratty younger sister de-friending me and generally being a jerk?
    keep her as a BM and hope that she comes through on the day of... : (3 votes)
    25 %
    invite her but don't have her as a BM : (7 votes)
    58 %
    hold off on inviting her until she starts to act a little more sensibly : (2 votes)
    17 %
    do not invite her. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I am sorry you had to go through this. 

    can you bump her down to Bridesmaid or Best Man instead?  I know it’s not ideal but I have done it anyways…worked out for me now after tiny little drama within my family. 

    this way, she is still IN so to speak but she won’t have the primary responsibility for your wedding day.  Do you have any Girlfriend that can step up to this?

    OR, another suggestion is to not have Maid/Matron of Honor and just BMs?  This way your sister won’t notice she is not the Maid/Matron of Honor anymore…and you can have another friend “act” as Maid/Matron of Honor. 

    Would any of these options work for you?

    Post # 5
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    This is a tough situation for you and I’m sorry that you are dealing with it. Setting aside the drama, ask yourself this: would you be sad looking back on that day if your sister isn’t there? It seems like all you want is to be close and loving with her and while you give that you aren’t receiving it. From your post, I gather that you would be upset if she wasn’t a part of your day. My advice is to keep her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man but don’t set expectations that you know she won’t live up to. I just think that you will regret not having her there (even with all the antics) …

    ETA: If you think she’s capable of doing anything to truly ruin your day – having her in your wedding party is a different story. If you think that she will be relatively disinterested but you are okay with other BM’s taking up the slack…then I say let her be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. 

    Why don’t you try and wrangle her for the dress shopping excursion (setting aside the past drama and giving her a clean slate). See if she accepts the olive branch and tags along. If she does the right thing, great…if not, make your decision at that point. At least then, you’ll have a legitimate excuse to ask her to simply attend your wedding as a guest.

    Post # 7
    2073 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Oh my, that does not sound like a pleasant situation.  

    As far as dresses go, do you know what size she wears?  Are you able to purchase the dress for her?  That way you don’t have to worry about her flaking on ordering her dress in time.  And hopefully, in the mean time you can mend your relationship.  Perhaps she’d be able to pay you back for the dress at a later date.  

    I totally get not wanting to be the a** by excluding her from your wedding.  If you order her dress and she chooses to stll not participate, then it’s on her and you can know that you tried.  Also, if you choose to ask another friend to take her place (personally, I’m not a big fan of this, but I know some people don’t see a problem with it), you don’t have to stress about getting the dress from your sister or worry about dealing with the money aspect of the situation.

    Post # 9
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Invite her, but do not make her a bridesmaid.

    Post # 10
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @araneidae:  Put some hem tape in your bridal emergency kit, keep the dress and call it a day. It means a lot to you to have her be a part of the day – so just give it a try and see what happens!

    Post # 11
    637 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @araneidae:  keeping the dress with you is a good idea…

    if she doesn’t show interested enough, I doubt she will ask you for the dress 😛


    Post # 13
    10 posts
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @araneidae:  Are you sure that your sister is not my sister? lol First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this…I am going through the exact same situation. My sister drunkenly decided that she didn’t want anything to do with me or my wedding, mostly out of jealousy, which is sad, because she is my blood. She is more concerned with partying and drinking than anything else. She has always blamed her failures and issues on everyone else but herself. I’m also torn as far as even inviting her, but I don’t want to regret not having my only sister at my wedding. She has not made any effort to apologize to me or anything. I wish you so much luck with this…I still don’t know what I’m going to do. Guess all we can do is focus on our biggest day and pray that our sisters come to their senses and realize how badly they have hurt us.

    Post # 14
    2705 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Ick, what a crappy situation.  However, DO NOT kick her out of your Wedding Party.  It’s a very public slight that would cause tons more drama and would seriously damage your relationship with your sister.  It will also make you look like the bad guy.  My advice is to pick out a Bridesmaid or Best Man – she doesn’t have to be involved if you don’t want her to be.  Just get her budget and pick out a dress.  Once you’ve selected a dress, give her the details and a deadline for when the it has to be ordered.  If she doesn’t get the dress then she has taken herself out of the Wedding Party.  You don’t have to buy it for her.

    Also, if she doesn’t get the dress, don’t replace her.  BMs aren’t props and both parties will feel second-rate if you replace your sister.  Uneven sides are ok and if you want your other friend in the Wedding Party, then just ask her – don’t make her a backup.  She’ll say she’s fine with it and not offended because she’s your friend and she’s nice, but I’m sure deep-down she’d be a little hurt that she wasn’t good enough to make the first cut.


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