- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I wrote a post here a few months ago asking for advice on who to choose as my Maid/Matron of Honor – that I felt obligated to choose my only sister, even though she is really flightly, undependable, and self-centered, though the person I really wanted to choose was my best friend. Sooo many people said it was basically unheard of to not have your only sister as your Maid/Matron of Honor, and I was still feeling really conflicted. In the end I chose my best friend, and I feel great about it, not least of which is because my sister and I are not even on speaking terms!
Not to get too too into the stupid drama of it, but it started with her bailing on my birthday party last year – which was a big ‘welcome back to your hometown after being gone for 8 years’ party, plus a housewarming, plus a birthday. No explanation, got mad at me for even being upset that she wasn’t there. Fastforward to my recent birthday, again I wanted her to be there (this time it was just an intimate gathering of 3 of my closest girlfriends, plus (I had wanted) her). Again she bailed. I tried to be light-hearted about it until she bragged to everyone we know the following week about booking off ‘4-20’. Yes, my only sister booked off work for a pot holiday instead of booking off for my birthday. So after that I was pretty upset, and I brought it up, and again was met with ‘you are making something from nothing, why is this even a big deal to you, relax, etc. etc.’ If she had even acknowledged my birthday this year after missing it last year… even just made me a dumb card or something! To make matters worse, the day before her most recent birthday-bailing, I took 4 hours out of my day to go and watch a big presentation she had for school, just to be a supportive big sister… even though because of that, I ended up having to pull an all-nighter to make a huge deadline that was the day of my birthday, and then drink coffee throughout my entire actual birthday celebrations that night just to stay awake. I guess that was a dumb call but it was a really big deal to her that I be there, so I went.
We barely spoke for 2 months after that, I was so upset, and she refused to apologize or acknowledge that she had done anything wrong. I was getting sick of the silence between us and wanted to just be friends again (…plus I had to see her in person, I felt, to tell her that I was going to have my best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor and not her). But then everything fell apart again. She has a new boyfriend, there was some incident, she told me all about it, I was worried about her, but then the next day everything was magically “totally fine, yay :)” ….I questioned this and immediately became the evil, judgmental bitch who is trying to keep her away from this wonderful ‘passionate’ relationship she has found herself in. I didn’t even say anything that mean to her, I was just worried. And then she deleted me from facebook! I don’t even care if she apologizes to me for all of the crap she has done, I just want us to get along, sort of, or at least know whether or not I can expect her to participate in my wedding party. So I know if I need to ask someone else, and how to go about getting Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses!!
Gah, what a situation… Sorry this ended up being so long. My poor sister, she was in a relationship for 5 years that just ended a few months ago, and I think she is going a little crazy without that stable, even keel influence of a steady, long-term bf. Fiance and I are very even-tempered, low-drama (sorry, I mean “boring” and “pitifully without passion”) individuals, this is not sitting well with us and Fiance wants me to just not invite her if she is going to act this way. But the reality is, I’m the one who will look like an asshole for ‘excluding’ my only sister from my wedding or even just my wedding party. Even though at this point she has basically excluded herself. What do I do?! My wedding is in 5 months! I have to order dresses soon… Thanks Bees.