(Closed) Sister Jealousy? Please help! Need advice!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Poor you – it must be a shock to have her just turn like that.

Seeing as you asked her what was wrong and she didn’t want to talk about it, I’m guessing she may be jealous.  Is she a bridesmaid for you?  If not, she may be feeling left out.  I think you should let her know that it’s not acceptable to act this way.  Explain to her how she makes you feel and perhaps have your mom as support?

Failing that, she may listen to your FH – as he is not an immediate family member, perhaps he could speak to her in a way that will get through to her.  Also, she’s less likely to give him attitude!  πŸ˜‰

I hope she changes her tune soon – good luck!

 

Sophie x

Post # 4
Member
3252 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sounds like one of two things to me, either she hates that you’re getting all this attention or she’s feeling like she may be losing her sissy.

In this situation, all you can do is say:

Hey I don’t know exactly what’s going on with you but I don’t like that your upset and I don’t like the way you are treating me because you’re upset. The things that you do and say are hurtful to me. I’m reaching out to you so that we can talk about this and deal with whatever is as sisters should. I understand that you don’t want to talk now but I hope at some point and soon, you will and in the meantime, this is a very special time in my life that I want to enjoy it and I want you to be a part of my enjoyment and celebration. I here waiting when you’re ready to talk.

Post # 5
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My sister is 18 and my MOH.  It’s definitely challenging at times – she gets really consumed with her own life (which is completely normal and fine).  When we went out bridesmaid dress shopping she was texting her friends quite a bit, but I just viewed that as her being young.  High school is rough for some girls and not all of them know how to cope effectively – so if something at school is bothering her (friends, relationship, grades, etc) it may affect the rest of her life more than someone a little older.  I think there is a big difference between a 17 and 18 year old who is in a high school and someone who is in their early 20s and in college.  There’s just a huge gap in life experiences.  I wouldn’t read into it too much other than to try to support her and ask if there is anything she wants to talk about, etc.  

Post # 6
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i don’t know that i would say it even has to do with whether or not they are coping effectively… it’s just high school!  i don’t know of a highschooler who isn’t constantly preoccupied with what friends are doing and their own lives…especially if your sister is a senior.  right now there are proms and college/graduation coming up, and idk if she is in extracurricular activities or has a p/t job?  and at that point in your life most people don’t know much about weddings.  add a liiittle jealousy and wha lah! there you go.  i think it will pass though.  too bad nobody can tell her how much she could really regret this later.  i don’t know her personality so i can’t really give good advice on how to deal with it.  sorry πŸ™  i wish i could help more, but i can say that it doesn’t sound too abnormal for a 17 year old! πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
365 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with msmonicka and the possibility that she may feel like she is losing you. I was a lot younger when my older sister moved out and it was hard for me. I did not act rudely to her but would get upset in private about it. I also have a younger brother who has had to deal with me moving out AND gettting married all within a close amount of time. He is 13 and has had several problems because of it including trouble with school work. He is usually a good student so the teacher contacted my parents and asked if something big has happend my mom said the only thing that had happend was me moving out. We have also noticed him being kinda bratty when I visit home (I live three hours away) and he doesn’t get  his one on one time with me. So each person behaves differently to things. It sounds like you are including her but maybe you could try to do things with her one on one. If she still behaves that way  after you have tried that I’d say she may be jealous of the attention you are getting. Let her know that it means a lot to you that she supports you and makes this time special for both of you.

I’m sorry you she won’t atleast talk to you about it. Hope this helps.

Post # 8
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe try reversing your strategy.  Ask her if there is anything wrong or if she’s having a hard time with something in her life.  Maybe it has nothing at all to do with the wedding.

My other thought is that maybe she had a guy who was going to be her date and now they “broke up?”  Maybe every time she thinks about the wedding she is bitter about a guy and not the wedding?  (I wasn’t very mature at my brother’s wedding either and I never put thought into how my actions were affecting him!  It could be the age thing!)

Post # 9
Member
5755 posts
Bee Keeper

She’s 17,so I hardly think jealousy about you and your wedding even enters her mind at this stage in her life. She’s really just a kid and I wouldn’t expect her to be interested or even excited about wedding planning until the actual day of the wedding. Her life and everything in it is way more important to her than anything going on with you. Its really just the nature of the beast to be so self-centered at that age. While it would be nice to think she’d be more in to it, I think you should just let it go and stop worrying.

Post # 10
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with pps.  And I would suggest that she not really be saddled with planning a shower at 17.  I mean she’s really not paying for it, right?  That’s probably your mom.   So maybe your mom should really be doing the planning.

Post # 11
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was 14 and 16 when my two sisters got married. At those ages, you don’t have a lot of perspective on what’s really going to matter in your life in the long term, and you tend to think that the problems you’re dealing with at the moment are more huge than they really are. I’m not a person who generally needs attention, or to be in the spotlight, but I had a rough time because it seemed like every time I wanted to talk to my parents or sisters about a “me” thing, it was met with eye-rolling and a “But more about the wedding…” attitude. It’s possible that she feels like she and her relationship with you are just getting lost in the shuffle.

Maybe you could go to lunch, just the two of you, and make it a point to not talk about the wedding the entire time. It might smooth things over, or at least it could get you back into friend-mode with her.

Good luck!!

Post # 12
Member
40 posts
Newbee

my initial though would be that she is jealous, but if she is only 17 i dont know if that would be the case. she may be annoyed that the wedding is taking over (as they do)-  hate to say it but when it is not your wedding and it is all the family talk about it can get old fast!

Id talk to her about it, is she having boy troubles? Us women are complicated creatures, bu the sooner you talk to her and get it settled the sooner she will go back to being happy/excited!!

Good luck with her!

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