Post # 1
I love my little sister and we are super close. My sister had a baby at 18 but with the help of my family and I she was able to graduate HS and college and just this week was offered a job in her field.I am very proud of her and I love my niece. My sister has been on and off with my nieces father for teh whole time. The longest “off” time being about 18 months and at one point they were engaged. Now they are back together and consider themselves engaged again as they have found thier love again and want to be a family. I am happy if my sister is happy.
Now to today, my sister called and asked about a venue my father showed me two weeks ago. It’s nice and by the water but the best part is it is very low priced and the food gets amazing reviews. I am still unsure about it really bc I do not want to have any type of reception at all and am compromising with my fiance. My sister basically layed it out there and said to tell her as soon as I knew b/c she is tying to get married by the end of the year and would like to have the venue!
I mean, my heart isn’t set on this place but where is this coming from! When did you guys decide you want to get married now! I have been engaged for 6 months now and have a wedding date set for November 1st next year. We have been talking about wedding ideas and possibilites this whole time. Dresses, colors,ideas, guests. Both of us are kinda weird bc we don’t want receptions and are just doing it for our fiances but I mean, I had no idea she was trying to do something herself!She said they have been together for 7 years and they have a child and they are ready to have a family and she won’t move in until they are married. They both still live at home. Him, I have no clue why but my sister still lives at home because she was in school full time and my parents helped with my neice while she was away.
I am hurt but I know she isn’t doing anything intentially. But to know that she’s been planning her own wedding and to do it before me, that’s like taboo or something,isn’t it? I mean technically she were engaged before me but that was when she first got pregnant,almost 6 years ago! There hasnt been anothe offical proposal to her again,she just started wearing the ring again so I had absolutely no clue this was even being though about. I want my sister to be happy and I’m glad he fiance is back in teh picture b/c my neice loves her father but I’m hurt that they would think that it’s okay. I mean, I know I have a long engagment but.ugh! I don’t even know and I don’t know what to feel.
Whatever,vent over i guess.
Post # 3
There is nothing taboo about this situation at all. You are being over sensitive about nothing.
Post # 4
I can see where you would be suprised, but beyond that she isn’t breaking any kind of ettiquette rule or anything. I am going to reach out and ask- do you think it is bothering you because you are older and thought you would get married first? I know my own sister said stuff like that to me all the time- I had the first grandchild (I too was a teen mom) and when DH and I got engaged she was upset that I would be the first to get married too.
Post # 5
She can get married whenever she wants, wherever she wants, however she wants, to whomever she wants.
Post # 6
I got engaged a few months after my sister and then married just months after her. I had been with my now husband 6 years and she was with hers for less than a year. Not once did she or I even care…we love and support one another’s happiness.
I honestly didn’t even know people really did care about that kind of thing? It will all be ok. 🙂
Post # 7
@JerNCher: I think it was nice of her to even ask about the venue because she didn’t have to. They can get married whenever they want to. I think you should just be happy for her.
Post # 8
Can I ask why you are hurt? I don’t really see a problem with this at all. She didn’t even have to ask you to use it so I think that it’s really nice that she went out of her way to see if you are planning on using it. If it’s nice and it’s cheap I would probably want to use it as well. It sounds like you are seeing this as a competition and don’t want her to get married before you. It makes total sense that they want to get married ASAP if they are waiting until marriage to live together.
If I were in your position I would tell her to go ahead and use the before regardless of if you decide to use it. And then, be happy that her family will all be together.
Post # 9
@JerNCher: I can see both sides. I mean you have been engaged and actively planning a wedding for 6 months with a stable fiance. She has been engaged off and on, not planning a wedding for the past 6 years – why would she choose now of all times to hurry up and tie the knot? However, you do have a really long engagement, and there will probably be others in your life who will get engaged and married before you simply because of the lenth of your engagement. However, sounds like your sister only wants the venue if you DONT use it, which is considerate. I’d probably mention to her that you’re really happy for her if she’s truly happy, but you have some feelings about why she had to choose this time to do it. She’s your sister – you should be able to talk about these things. if you cant talk candidly about it without hurting her feelings I would just let it go.
Post # 10
Nothing tabboo here. Actually I think she’s being fairly considerate considering that she doesn’t want to choose the same venue and wants to wait on choosing one that you might chose since you looked at it first.
Being together longer, being older, being engaged longer, etc. doesn’t automatically give one person the right to have their wedding first. Everyone is allowed to chose when they get married and there is nothing wrong with someone getting married first even though a sibling was engaged first.
Post # 11
you said it was just a place you looked at but haven’t booked. if she is engaged and ready to book a place, let her get married.
even if the 2 of you get married at the same venue, i guarentee the weddings will not be the same.
i’ve been to 5 weddings this year and not a single one of them had any similarites, except the bride wore white and the groom wore a tux.
Post # 12
I don’t understand why are you upset? Is it because she is getting married before you do or is it because she wants the venue you were thinking about?
Either of those things wouldnt bother me, it would actually make me happy because I would have a chance to help with her wedding and see for myself how the venue I am considering is and that would make my decision easy. So I’d feel like she is doing me a favor by testing the venue for me.
If it’s the fact that she is getting married before you, just think about it from a completely selfish point of view. Her wedding will be over before the end of the year and then the whole next year will be focused on you and your wedding. I’d preffer that over having her getting married a month after.
Post # 13
I also do not understadn why you are upset. I could see being hurt if this was the venue you picked out. I could MAYBE understand that, but you aren’t even sure you want it.
I don’t believe it is about the venue at all. I think it is more about you being upset that your sister getting married before you, which isn’t taboo. She has a right to get married whenever she feels like it, even if it is to someone she hasn’t been very stable with. You aren’t getting married until next year. I don’t see an issue.
Post # 14
@Charliejeorge: I’m glad you can at least see it from my view,even if you don’t 100% agree.
I don’t feel as if I’m over reacting guys.lol. I just think you guys aren’t in this situation. I was kinda just looking for a place to vent and I appreciate all the opinions.
I am not jealous that I am will not being getting married first but I do think it steals the limelight of my upcoming wedding. Is that jealous? lol Growing up I was not a tomboy,but my sister was the girly princess one. But ever since I met my fiance I couldn’t wait to marry him. I just want to be married,nothing fancy. Having a small reception is a compromise with my fiance as I am not interested in having one at all. Now my sister wants to use the same venue,I feel like it’ll turn into a competition or something. I don’t know. I mainly want her to be happy and maybe if this does happen my fiance will jump on my bandwagon and not have a reception and have a longer honeymoon:)
Post # 15
“I mean, my heart isn’t set on this place”
Post # 16
If you really put yourself in my shoes and something that you’ve been planning and can’t wait,and then your close friend or sister comes out of the blue and does it before you.come one lol it sucks. Be it get pregnant,run a race or get a new job. It takes away….or…maybe its just me lol