Sister just asked about my possible venue bc she wants to use it this year!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1826 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

There is nothing taboo about this situation at all. You are being over sensitive about nothing.

Post # 4
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I can see where you would be suprised, but beyond that she isn’t breaking any kind of ettiquette rule or anything. I am going to reach out and ask- do you think it is bothering you because you are older and thought you would get married first? I know my own sister said stuff like that to me all the time- I had the first grandchild (I too was a teen mom) and when DH and I got engaged she was upset that I would be the first to get married too.

Post # 5
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

She can get married whenever she wants, wherever she wants, however she wants, to whomever she wants.

Post # 6
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I got engaged a few months after my sister and then married just months after her. I had been with my now husband 6 years and she was with hers for less than a year. Not once did she or I even care…we love and support one another’s happiness.

I honestly didn’t even know people really did care about that kind of thing? It will all be ok. 🙂

Post # 7
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@JerNCher:  I think it was nice of her to even ask about the venue because she didn’t have to. They can get married whenever they want to. I think you should just be happy for her.

Post # 8
6450 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Can I ask why you are hurt? I don’t really see a problem with this at all. She didn’t even have to ask you to use it so I think that it’s really nice that she went out of her way to see if you are planning on using it. If it’s nice and it’s cheap I would probably want to use it as well. It sounds like you are seeing this as a competition and don’t want her to get married before you. It makes total sense that they want to get married ASAP if they are waiting until marriage to live together.

If I were in your position I would tell her to go ahead and use the before regardless of if you decide to use it. And then, be happy that her family will all be together.

Post # 9
1634 posts
Bumble bee

@JerNCher:  I can see both sides. I mean you have been engaged and actively planning a wedding for 6 months with a stable fiance. She has been engaged off and on, not planning a wedding for the past 6 years – why would she choose now of all times to hurry up and tie the knot? However, you do have a really long engagement, and there will probably be others in your life who will get engaged and married before you simply because of the lenth of your engagement. However, sounds like your sister only wants the venue if you DONT use it, which is considerate. I’d probably mention to her that you’re really happy for her if she’s truly happy, but you have some feelings about why she had to choose this time to do it. She’s your sister – you should be able to talk about these things. if you cant talk candidly about it without hurting her feelings I would just let it go.

Post # 10
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Nothing tabboo here. Actually I think she’s being fairly considerate considering that she doesn’t want to choose the same venue and wants to wait on choosing one that you might chose since you looked at it first.

Being together longer, being older, being engaged longer, etc. doesn’t automatically give one person the right to have their wedding first. Everyone is allowed to chose when they get married and there is nothing wrong with someone getting married first even though a sibling was engaged first.

Post # 11
6166 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

you said it was just a place you looked at but haven’t booked.  if she is engaged and ready to book a place, let her get married.

even if the 2 of you get married at the same venue, i guarentee the weddings will not be the same.

i’ve been to 5 weddings this year and not a single one of them had any similarites, except the bride wore white and the groom wore a tux.

Post # 12
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t understand why are you upset? Is it because she is getting married before you do or is it because she wants the venue you were thinking about? 

Either of those things wouldnt bother me, it would actually make me happy because I would have a chance to help with her wedding and see for myself how the venue I am considering is and that would make my decision easy. So I’d feel like she is doing me a favor by testing the venue for me.

If it’s the fact that she is getting married before you, just think about it from a completely selfish point of view. Her wedding will be over before the end of the year and then the whole next year will be focused on you and your wedding. I’d preffer that over having her getting married a month after.

Post # 13
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I also do not understadn why you are upset. I could see being hurt if this was the venue you picked out. I could MAYBE understand that, but you aren’t even sure you want it.

I don’t believe it is about the venue at all. I think it is more about you being upset that your sister getting married before you, which isn’t taboo. She has a right to get married whenever she feels like it, even if it is to someone she hasn’t been very stable with. You aren’t getting married until next year. I don’t see an issue.

Post # 15
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

“I mean, my heart isn’t set on this place”

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