- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Just have to get this out and see if I’m alone in dealing with beep like this or not!
So I’m getting married in September, I’m 27, only sister is 25, we both live in the same city, she’s our Maid/Matron of Honor, and my best friend is the other bridesmaid.
Sister and I seem to be fighting soooo often lately. Will put down three seperate ‘encounters’ (sorry if this is long)
1) We just bought our first home and enlisted our family and friends to help us move (we live further out so it was a chance for them all to see the place, and we are thanking our friends by taking them out for dinner) … just before moving day we had about 8 people on our moving list, when one of our cousin’s offers to help too. Sister blows up and goes ‘how many people do you actually need to help you? no one ever helps ME when i move’ (this is a lie). then on moving day she proceeded to belittle me (this is not unusual, but it’s just me she does this to, she’s really charming to everyone else), telling me off for not carrying stuff out to the truck properly… one of my friends actually noticed and let me know later, that it seemed my sister is surly and has a massive attitude. anyway
2) last weekend i had plans to drive 1.5 hours north to see friends, stay the night and on my way home stop by my sister’s house to help her paint the house she is renting, but one of the friends up north who i was due to stay with cancelled our plans, so I called my sister to see if I couldn’t go to her place on the Saturday afternoon instead of the Sunday morning, because it would have been double the effort to drive up north twice in a 2 day weekend (I ended up taking Monday off for it so I could actually have some ‘at home time’). Anyway, she blew up at me saying that she had plans on the Saturday afternoon and she just ‘loves’ how i expect people to ‘help me all the time’ but when it comes to helping someone else it’s all too much trouble. I never said I would cancel Sunday, I just wanted to see if Saturday could be a plan b.
3) the wedding. she got her bridesmaid dress online, cost about $100 from ebay. my second Bridesmaid or Best Man didnt like the style so she’s getting a mismatched dress (something I never planned for for my wedding, but it’s one of those details I just don’t want to stress about so I let it go), my sister and friend are paying for their dresses, and I told them it would be helpful if they could pay for their hair pieces and shoes also, but that we would pay for hair and makeup, and the necklace (that can be the bridesmaid gift). I don’t think this is unreasonable. Anyway my sister has said on 3 seperate occasions now that ‘don’t expect me to fork out loads for my dress or accessories’, and ‘you better be giving us a good present after all this’. I called her on the present comment thing today and she said she was ‘only joking’ and that i needed to stop biting her head off, that i’ve been really catty lately and keep ‘attacking’ her and that she’s getting sick of it, when I feel I’ve just been reacting to her negative attitude and comments. But of course, she is never wrong (and you can never win an argument with my sister, she has one of those really loud, confident, strong personalities and if you ever wrong her, no matter how slightly, she will get you back for it).
She’s also accused me a few times of tearing her and my FH apart, they used to be good friends (but never lovers) about a decade ago and would hang out regularly, and she said they never hang out anymore since we’ve been together (just over 3 years), and that I never want them hanging out? When I asked FH about it, he said it has nothing to do with me, but that she never initiates contact with him anymore, and he isn’t fond of her these days because he can see her behaviour towards me. (my sister has never had romantic feelings for FH, she thinks of him as a brother).
There’s soooo much more I can say, but I better stop because it just really is stressing me out. Any suggestions on what I can do to stop her from getting to me? Because I don’t fancy stressing out unnecessarily between now and September. Talking to her does not work, because she will throw all my shortcomings and things i’ve done or said that she doesn’t like, back in my face.