Sister refuses to speak with me/ brother headed that way

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

Hugs to you hun. My sister can be snarky at times and what youdo brother did was rude but no excuse to not talk to your brother. Your sister on the other hand treated you like crap so I wouldn’t talk to her about your deepest secrets but I wouldn’t cut contact with her either. I would just talk to her at get togethers. My cousin Jynna and I don’t have a very good relationship and she won’t add me on Facebook but I at least an pleasant to her at family get togethers for the sack of the family. So basically don’t form a close relationship with your sister because how she treated you but I would try rand talk to her and be pleasant to her in public places if not for you do it for your parents and nieces and nephews. 

Ps: if you apologized to her and she blocked you then that’s her loss. She should be ashame that she lost the opportunity to have a close relationship with you. 

Post # 4
Member
250 posts
Helper bee

What I’m trying to say is regardless of your relationship with your family you should have at least talk to them not because you want to but because they are your family. 

Post # 5
Member
7410 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Whose rules were these? Were they things that your parents wanted everyone (including you) to adhere to or are they things you made up?

Did your parents give permission to your brother to stay there?

I don’t know i kind of feel like you are being controlling and overprotective. This is your parents house, not your house and just like you staying there, it should be open and hospitable to your siblings. If you want a home to control then I think you should move out and get that.

Post # 6
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@j_jaye:  +1

 

@Anna10-05-2014:  You do sound pretty controlling. I mean yes your brother was being a jerk and your sister sounds like she has a bad attitude. But if I was even a little close to having to stay at a homeless shelter and my sibling was acting like they own the place I would be annoyed also. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I don’t mean to sound harsh. I’m just wondering why you have more right to your parents house than your siblings? Do your parents not usually allow your siblings to stay over?  

My brother still lives at home and I don’t but when I visit he doesn’t try to impose any “rules” on me. He has his own life and doesn’t feel more entitled to my parents home just because he lives there. Frankly I would be pretty upset if he acted the way you do. 

I definitely agree though that your brother was being rude. He shouldn’t think it’s ok to have guest over so late just because your parents are out of

 

 

town. As for your sister just give her time she’ll come back around. 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
3014 posts
Sugar bee

@Anna10-05-2014:  sounds like it is time to get your own place. I imagine it is hard to have rules set by a sibling in the family home. I’m trying to imagine the story coming from one of them- and then she told me if I can’t keep the house clean, I should go stay at a homeless shelter. I’m not sure I’d be quick to forgive that. 

Post # 8
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Anna10-05-2014:  Ugh, that sucks. But it seems like your sister has a whole mess of problems in her life and I don’t think you’re going to suddenly get better behavior out of her. It’s not you it’s her. Your brother just sounds like he needs to learn some manners. I have my own issues with my sister. It sucks. I wish we were closer, but we just aren’t. It is what it is. Hopefully someday your sister and brother will figure out what life is really about, but until then just try and not take their offensive attitudes to heart.

Post # 9
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Motor museum

@j_jaye:  +1 couldn’t have put it any better

Post # 10
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I feel like we are missing some important piece of the story. It seems the siblings never come when the parents are home. They wait until parents are out if country and then crash there because it’s only you there, not the parents. Do your parents and siblings get along? What don’t your parents want them in the house?

Oh, and is your sister in dire straights financially ?

Post # 11
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

@MirnaMinkoff:  +1.  Yeah, I want to know why the sibs only show up when the parents are overseas.  OP – can you fill us in?

Also, I think OP’s parents need to address their children who don’t live with them prior to their next trip so this doesn’t happen again.  I don’t see why OP needs to move out of her parents home, but I do think there is more to the story.

Post # 12
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MirnaMinkoff:  +1. The parents leave the country and suddenly the sister needs a place to stay with husband and kids or end up in a shelter sounds too coincidental to me. One does not get to the point in their life overnight-except if their house burned down or something. And the mother specifically told OP that the sister wasn’t to stay there, plus the sister never bothered to ask her parents, even though OP was able to so there must of been a way for the sister to contact her and ask. I don’t think OP did anything wrong. And why couldn’t the sister or her husband help keep the place clean? That’s pretty basic. 

Post # 13
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

While I get that your siblings are acting in a very frustrating way with regards to how they view/treat your parents’ house, I sort of feel like you stepped in both times acting like the mom and made the situation worse than it needed to be. If your sister was refusing your parents’ rules then why didn’t your parents take it up with her (via phone, Skype, or when they get back into town)? While it can be hard sometimes to walk away from situations where you see someone taking advantage, etc. it would be better for you to do so with siblings because you would avoid the drama and your sister would be held accountable to the correct person in the end. Also, I would just let the situation with your brother dissipate. Remember that it is his parents’ house too (even if he’s not living there) and if he does something like leave a mess or break something then he has your parents to answer to when they get back. I wouldn’t go so far as to say you should stop talking to your brother over this. 

Also, where does your sister normally live? 

Post # 14
Member
1389 posts
Bumble bee

This isn’t helpful at all but I want to know why your room is called the Frog.

Post # 15
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

…? There are lots of reasons for a child to continue living with their parents into adulthood. Children sometimes stay with their parents to:

take care of them

help with mortgage payments retired parents may no longer be able to afford

Help with maintenance retired parents may no longer be able to accomplish

etc.etc.

 

OP never made it sound like the living situation with her parents was a problem. It was the lack of communication and rudeness of her siblings. So why should she have to move out beause of that…? Maybe the living situation wityh her parents is going GREAT (mutually beneficial and comfortable) and she DOES have as much of a right to her house as they do (pays rent or part of the mortgage, is on the deed to the house, PURCHASED THE HOME FROM HER PARENTS and let’s them live there, etc. etc.) You guys are making lots of assumptions, and to be honest, you all sound pretty condescending about it.

Looking at this from the viewpoint of this is OP’S HOME (as she has indicated) her siblings had NO RIGHT to just pop in whenever they felt like and USE HER. After, she started bending over backwards to apologize for something that wasn’t her fault! Are you kidding me? That’s insane! She has a right to privacy in her own home.

 @Anna10-05-2014:  OP, your siblings are being brats. You did nothing wrong. And apologizing for THEIR BAD BEHAVIOR is not going to help the situation any. Was the homeless shelter comment over the top? Sure. But your sister’s behavior was way more over the top, and way worse. Stop doing everything one sidedly. And next time you have a squatter on your door unanounced, direct them to a hotel.

 

Post # 16
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Goofball:  Yea, it doesn’t seem to me that keeping a house clean is controlling. Since the OP live in that house and everything. We don’t know if the OP pays rent or her parents need her to stay there for some reason.

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