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Thats it. I have requested my sister no longer contacts me. After nearly 4 or more posts on here this is the last post I am making for this issue in my life. I cannot believe the things my sister has said in this msg over facebook, but I hope my response was good enough to outline how I feel about this and my decision to stop contact with her.

S:

thank you, what a wonderful gift. I really have no words for what you have said. I dont think you could have misunderstood me anymore than you did.

But just to clarify one small thing: Your recent interest in events at home is refreshing and a long time coming. Imagine, (OP) who studies abroad, (OP) who lives on campus, (OP) who spends almost every weekend at her boyfriends place, has finally taken an interest in things at home. Good for you.

As for how you "think" i handle things with mom/dad/(other sister), that is first off none of your business. Secondly, Ive had my finger on the pulse since 5 years old sister, dont be marching into the game now and telling me how to play.

PS dont forget to tell mom that you "dont want to listen to her drama" I know she didnt appreciate it the last time and i am sure she wont appreciate it the next time too.

You cant pick and choose when you can be there for somebody (OP). At least im consistent and dont tell mom & dad off when im in a pissy mood.

its a joke that you speak to me of morality when one day you empathize with mom and the next day you bark at her because she is inconvenient.

you know its true. And you if you are unsure, ask mom how many times YOU have hurt her. Should i chuck you because of that too? I think we both know that you can shitty to mom & dad at times. Should i stop caring about you and cut you off from my life as you suggest? what do you do with a effed up family member? throw them to the wolves?

My response

I believe I have stated all that needs to be said in my earlier msgs. However allow me to clarify a few things

First off, I find it incredibly hypocritical that you would criticize me for questioning your interactions with our family only to go on a four msg diatribe doing exactly the same. If you recall, the majority of my last two msgs have centered on OUR relationship, not that of our family and yourself. I think this point is pretty obvious so I will not further explain myself.

Secondly I will not be baited into an argument over the differences in our situations with our mother and our interactions with her. You have the luxury of dictating when and where you speak with our parents and how often you do so. I live with our parents, out of my own volition, and therefore it is up to me how I chose to interact with them. Unlike you I can accept my shortcomings such as my temper. However you cannot compare our situations due to the difference in proximity

I love my mother- she knows this much. I also know that I have a history of my own with mum and dad and my own hurts and grievances. Regardless, I chose to live here with them, and I chose to do my best. I also chose to accept my shortcomings and try my best in rectifying them. None of this concerns you however

I also would like to point out again that you have failed in at all illustrating how your own personal situation justifies your mistreatment of me and your stance that such behavior is perfectly fine as long as hardship is your excuse. As you can see, I have no excuses, accept my failings as a human being and try to be better for them. There lies our difference in our morality- because instead of accepting the excuses I could make, I try to surpass them and be a better person for my hardships, not hide behind them.

Its more than obvious to me that you are far more interested in arguing your point than making any progress what so ever towards a mutual resolution of our grievances. Therefore I would request that you resist contacting me again, because I am content with the level of discourse I have issued here, and believe I have made my point clear as to what I find unacceptable about our interactions. Sincerely, (OP)

*Im sorry if this is long* Again at least its the last one

Please refer to previous posts from me about this situation. There have been a few.

I can imagine no one wants to comment on this mess of a situation, but Im bumping just to see if anyone has any advice/opinions.

@Mochacoca: Thank you for the words of encouragement. The replies I have gotten recently have shown me how much adult sibling relationships chance from the past- and sometimes not for the better

Thanks again

@flyinpig3: Yeah, I kind of agree. 

@Bellanouva: I am sorry about all the family drama that you're experiencing. I realize that must be incredibly frustrating and isolating. And I've actually seen the other posts. 

But honey, at some point, you are barking up the wrong tree. When it dissolves into trading angry messages over facebook, I'm sorry but BOTH of you seem petty/self-absorbed/immature. Angry messages over facebook are for people to complain about so-and-so drunketydrunkskank made out with my boyfriend at that college party--it's not family therapy. In fact, it's pretty much the most passive-aggressive form of communication out there. In other words, both you and your sister are assuming the PRETENSE you are communicating, but what you're really doing is shouting at each other. The chances of you getting your sister to say "Oh, I'm sorry--you've been right all along!" are about as likely as YOU suddenly coming around to HER point of view. And frankly, since it's gone on this long, I think you really have to ask yourself: what are YOU getting out of this fight? Because clearly you are getting something out of it. 

I am sorry to be so blunt, but you did ask for opinions. 

@JennyW1: Well thats sort of the reason why I said we should stop communicating through here. If you have read the other posts, then you know I have asked her to call me, do anyting but msg me on facebook. Unfortunately she's more likely to answer facebook than she is to call me (thus the ignoring of my phone calls, and of the msgs I have left her through other mediums). I have had my fill which is why I've pretty much said at the end of this, enough is enough.

I do think its a bit harsh of you to say Im immature or make any character judgments about me based on all this- I come to the hive pretty much because several women here personally know about my situation and ask for updates. However regardless of the sting of your reply, I appreciate your bluntness and honesty.

ETA: and I asked advice as well as opinions- and I think assuming things about me personally does not really fall into that. Regardless, I accept your post for what it is.

@flyinpig3: Im not quite sure what your comment adds to the discourse- Im pretty sure I have stated in my previous posts that I tried other means of communication. So, even though Im not sure what your intent was, I say thank you for your comment and your time.

@tksjewelry: Its really sweet that you forward this to your mum. It's really good to have two perspectives in one here. I also thank you for your support and your comments over the last couple of posts. Im really glad that I actually did handle this well. I've heard alot of critcism as well as support and sometimes the harsh comments get to ya. All you can do is try your best right? At least now the whole facebook thing should be put to rest . Thanks to your mum for sharing part of her story with me. I will have to take you up on that offer sometime :)

So I am shutting this case now and forever until some sort of resolution is found between myself and my sister

her last response to me from the letter in the above post was this

"LOL thank you professor. It is cheaper living at home isnt it? and im the hypocrite. do you work hard to sound like a joke or does it come naturally. fear not, there shall be no further discourse."

I think this is pretty much the first time she has ever insulted my education or the fact that Im working towards a future in academics. I dont want to say anything negative about her in return and have no replied. I hope that with time she will realize the error of her mistakes, but I for one will not wait or hold my breath.

Any more advice or words would be greatly appreciated. I hope Im doing the right thing by no longer engaging in this argument with her over facebook or any other medium

@mwitter80: I would love to extend that to her, but right now Im pretty sure my hand would be bitten off. I've tried so hard no to engage in a way that is a screaming match with her, and regardless it has degenerated into this. With that said I think you have the right idea about being there for each other when things get hard or an emergency situation. Thanks for your input

@AmeliaBedelia: Thank you for your input. Indeed, thats exactly how I feel about the situation. Also its emotionally scarring to keep hearing all these things from her so Im pretty much spent as far as that goes.