Post # 1
I have a question for all you wedding bees 🙂
I am 24 and my fiance and I have been together for 4.5 years. We got engaged just shy of three months ago. Unfortunatly a few weeks after getting engaged my grandmother passed away. It was very hard for me as she was really the mother in my life. Right after that I was diagnosed with skin cancer and had to go through several surgeries to remove all the cancer cells. As such, wedding planning really took a back seat until two weeks ago. In addition, my fiance and I will be financing the wedding ourselves.
This past Sunday I got a call from my younger sister who is 22. She told me she got engaged to her 38 year old boyfriend who she has been dating for just over a year ( Despite the fact that she dosn’t have a job, has not fully finished college etc. )I am a little upset that she got engaged so close to when I did. Especially since I have not even really started planning giving the circumstances with my grandmothers passing and the melenoma. In addition, she keeps bragging about how her fiances parents are paying for everything.
Is it ok to be upset? Is there etiquette about how long you should wait to get engaged if a immediate family member just did? I just wish they waited until at least Christmas so I wouldn’t have had to share this special time as much with her.
Post # 3
I would also be upset..Maybe it’s selfish? I don’t know, but I definitely agree with being a little sad about it all. It’s an exciting moment and you want your time to shine. I think that is normal. So sorry for your loss and everything you are going through, however keep your head up and have an awesome wedding:)
I agree though, I don’t think the bragging helps the situation. If anything you should be helping each other and have fun with it.
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re going through so much! You must be a very strong person. Although there is nothing wrong with anyone getting engaged at around the same time as you (you get one day), bragging about it seems pretty rude.
She sounds alot more immature than you (based on your description), so I would try to not let it bother me.
Post # 5
@Pearberry: Thank you so much for your support. I understand that he is getting older and wants to get a move on with things but at the same time I am not sure waiting till December would have made a different. Hopefully by December I will have at least a venue picked out and I think I wouldn’t feel as hurt. Thanks again for your post it makes me feel better to know that my feelings are understandable.
Post # 6
I’m sorry about everything you’re going through, but your sister is under no obligation to wait until you feel the time is right for her to get engaged. Would you have been willing to put off your engagement if she had been engaged first? Everyone has a right to live their life.
And yes, it is kind of tacky that she’s bragging, but she is probably just excited. I would look at this as an opportunity to enjoy planning with your sister instead of as a personal slight 🙂
Post # 7
i understand why you’re upset, I am so sorry for what you’ve been through BUT you have been engaged for nearly three months, it doesn’t matter how old your sister is/her FI is or how long they have been together, you should be happy for her that she has found the right man for her. And expecting them to wait to get engaged until you have been engaged for 9 months is a little ridiculous IMO.
Post # 8
Sorry about all of the hardships going on! There really isn’t anything wrong with her getting engaged so close to you, other than it being annoying. Take this time to plan together,bounce ideas off of each other if possible and try not to compare budgets or hers vs yours. Both weddings will be unique, so I wouldn’t worry about her “stealing” your thunder!
Post # 9
Let it go. It’s really kind of aimless to get upset over these kinds of things.
Post # 10
well, you cant ask someone to wait to pop the question i guess.
but it’s normal to be upset, you’ve been having a hard time 🙁
I hope everything gets better
Post # 11
There are two parts to my answer…
Firstly, no… there is no etiquette requirement to wait for a while after a family member gets engaged. So your sister is within her rights to get engaged, and is probably just excited when she talks about it all the time… although it sounds like she is perhaps a little tactless (which makes her seem very young and immature to me).
Secondly, you feel like ****. Of course you do. You’ve been through a rough time and now you wanted your wedding to be the start of good times ahead… the good times you so richly deserve. You feel like your sister’s announcement has somehow undermined the emotional impact of those good times ahead. You know what though – on your wedding day, you will feel so happy about being married to the man who has supported you through those tough times that you won’t even think about the other stuff. Just focus on having the great life you deserve.
Post # 12
@sara_tiara: my thoughts exactly!
OP, you have had a very difficult few months and I feel for you. However, your sister is allowed to live her life and shouldn’t put it on hold. As many bees have said around here, you get one day to be in the spotlight (ie your wedding day).
As they say, a joy shared is a joy multiplied.
Post # 13
Thanks all for the responses and for those of you who were so understanding. My sister is not really a planner and I am a super type A planner so I am not sure how sharing planning together would go 😉 That being said of course I am happy for her however I hope she is not rushing into anything given the fact that she has no job and has a tremendous amount of student loans. In my oppinion, bragging about how your fiance’s parents are funding the whole thing when you know your sister is finding the cost of a wedding a little disheartening is extremley selfish. I understand she is excited but that is not an excuse to not consider how your words might effect others. It is good to know though there is no etiquette around engagement timing so I will try to be more open and understanding of that. At the same time though, I would hope she would be more understanding and appreciative of the fact that I am funding this on my own and realize that this is my special time as well and I should have the right to be as excited as she is. (without making felt bad at how much less my wedding has to be) Thank you WeddingBee’s for the advice! Best of luck to all of you as well in your planning.
Post # 14
I’m sorry that your upset and have been through so much. As for sharing the ” lime light”, no ones happiness is greater than another’s. I get why you feel the way you do but your sister and her fi should not have to put their lives on hold for you.
Just as an aside, I don’t understand why people get upset at sisters/friends for getting engaged so close. If Their proposal was anything like mine, it was a complete surprise when he popped the question, and men are not typically good at these kinds of things. I mean my fi asked me THE DAY BEFORE my aunts memorial service. When I asked him about it later he said ” I didn’t think about it/ forgot “. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have chosen THAT day, but as he was in control of the whole process, I had no input whatsoever.
Post # 15
Is it ok to be upset? You can feel however you want to feel about the situation but she did nothing wrong.
Is there etiquette about how long you should wait to get engaged if an immediate family member just did? Well, you didn’t just get engaged. It was 3 months ago.
It’s not your sisters fault that you put off your planning because of your grandmothers passing. Two family members are capable of being engaged at the same time. As long as she doesn’t plan her wedding for the month before or after yours, you’ve got nothing to complain about.
Furthermore, I’d like to address the whole “hasn’t finished college” thing. You don’t have to have a college degree in order to get engaged or married. Last I checked, that wasn’t a prerequisite to applying for your marriage license.
Post # 16
@UpstateCait: i have to agree, i am not finished college yet, starting a graduate degree next year then doing masters, so will be finished in mid 2014. My FI is hoping to start a three year undergrad degree next year, but we plan on still getting married in mid 2015. Just because we aren’t finished tertiary study does not mean we are less able to commit than anyone else or that we shouldn’t commit