Post # 1
So my sister and I are not seeing eye to eye on my involvement with her birthday celebration. She turns 30 next year and wants to go hopping around Europe for 2 weeks to celebrate. I’ve told her no, but she keeps asking me. Saying that I’m being uptight. My reasons for declining or as follows:
- Thats literally all of my vacation time
- Her birthday is the same week of my SO’s, and I’d like to spend time with him on his birthday. Furthermore, he is not invited
- It’s freaking expensive and we are saving for a wedding, which she is aware of, but doesn’t see as serious since we are not formally engaged. All despite the fact that we do share a household and have been together for 5 years, and both of us have been very open to our families and close friends about our intent to marry in the very near future.
I’ve talked to her about all of these reasons for declining but she just doesn’t get it. And I’m so tired of her asking me about this. I wouldn’t mind taking a long weekend with her somewhere, or doing something just a tad more low key, but I just feel like her whole European Birthday Vacay is just too much to ask. And she won’t stop nagging me about it.
Post # 3
If she was asking you to go for Vegas for one weekend, then I’d say, ok lighten up! But a two week trip where you’d miss your SO’s birthday… sorry no dice. I think it’s great she wants to do that, but she needs to respect that you cannot and will not.
Post # 4
Suggest an alternative. Maybe take her away for a weekend (go to a spa or a yoga retreat or something.) It won’t be super cheap but it’ll be WAY cheaper than Europe and show that you’re thinking of it.
Post # 5
1 and 3 would be enough reasons for her to just back her stuff up about asking you to go. The big holidays are coming up and it would be horrible if you had to work through them all because your sister required you to come to Europe.
Post # 6
Could you compromise and say something like “you go to Europe for two weeks, I’ll meet you for one of them” and either fly over or back with her? That way it wouldn’t be all of your vacation time and you could still spend your SO’s birthday with him?
Post # 7
I hate when people want you to stop your life to celebrate their birthday for days on end. I have friends who literally have days of celebrating every year. Birthdays are great and all, but for anyone to guilt you into a trip bc it’s their 30th birthday is a bad reason. Then again, i’m more low key for my birthday and dont see why getting everyone involved is necessary.
Post # 8
@SincerelyShe: Yeah, your sister needs to accept that expecting someone to drop thousands of dollars and burn through all of their vacation time for ANYTHING, much less her birthday, is absurd. I know you want to be a good sister and show her you care, but honestly, I think she’s being a bad sister by nagging you about this. I love my sister – we’re best friends – and I know I wouldn’t be able to do that for her at this stage in my life.
Post # 9
Why is your SO not invited? I think it would be awesome to go as a family, your SO included. But if she really wants you to go to Europe without him with all the info you’ve provided, she is nuts.
Post # 10
@SincerelyShe: Does she have anyone else to go with? If not, then I feel for her a little bit more – it might be that she’s missing the closeness she used to have with you, and wishing that she had more 1 on 1 time with you. When we were younger, my sister and I were travel buddies, and we used to go all over the world together. When my sister got married and I was still single, I definitely missed her previous freedom and willingness to travel with me (and, because my sister is awesome like that, we still did go on several long trips together – some with her husband, and some just the two of us).
But I can see where you’re coming from – if you need to save the money, don’t have that much vacation time, and want to include your SO on your travels, then that’s just the way it is!! And your sister should understand. She’s either got to grow up enough to travel on her own, join one of those travel-buddy websites to find other travel friends, get her own signtificant other to travel with, or invite your SO along!
Post # 11
@canuckandakiwi: & @Schatzie821: I would go with her to Vegas or to a nice Spa for the weekend in a heartbeat, and I’ve suggested it, but she doesn’t think its fitting for the occassion. She kind of wants to “go all out” for her 30th.
@luluvohn: This actually isn’t a bad idea. I’m not sure I’d want to go a whole week, but maybe 4 days or so. That way she still gets my presence at her European birthday bash, and I still get to keep my vacation time & not spend as much money.
@MrsSkeletonKey: He’s never really invited to her functions, if she can get away with it. She has a general dislike for him, but to her credit she’s been working on getting past this. She’s to the point that she sort of treats him like a casual aqaintance. If its a party or bbq, then sure he can come along. But for more intimate events with family and close friends, she never invites him. She even expects me to go home with her for Christmas without him. They’ve never had any real arguments and he’s never done anything to her, its just a little complicated. Thankfully, the rest of my family doesn’t act this way, and they all think she’s ridiculous.
@LittleByLittle: I know she’s inviting a few other people, but I’m not sure whose committed to going at this point. I try to maintain a close relationship with her. We only live 2 hours away from each other, so we see each other about once a month (maybe twice on a good month). We go for drinks, for brunch, shopping trips, and etc.
Post # 12
@SincerelyShe: I personally did it to be a little unreasonable when people insist on taking trips for their birthday. It’s one thing if you’re loaded, but most of us don’t have money laying around To go on a vacation for two weeks, that’s crazy. Tell her it’s not happening and to just drop it. Maybe you can suggest what another bee said, a weekend trip to Vegas. Vegas is a lot less expensive than Europe.
Post # 13
@SincerelyShe: It makes more sense now, but honestly such a nice trip should be spent with your FI. If my husband’s brother wanted him to go away on my birthday for a 2 week uber expensive trip to Europe without inviting me, I would be so pissed.
Post # 14
I think expecting anyone to do a trip, even to Vegas, is wrong. If you want to, that is fine. But she is wrong to keep harrassing you. I think spending the money for 4 days in Europe is more than I would do.
Post # 15
Your sister is out of order. It is presumptuos on so many levels from expecting you to to spend all your vacation time with her and not your future husband. Then to not take into consideration your budget and saving goals, no….just no. I think a 4 day compromise is more than enough.
Post # 16
If my sister did this I hate to say it but I would seriously laugh and then say “you paying????” If she kept going on about it, I would just keep asking her where my plain ticket and food money was. But that is how we roll lol. It sucks that she is being so demanding but I think you just need to keep repeating yourself until she gets it. You can’t afford it, don’t go. Try the four day compormise if you can swing it and if that doesn’t work tell her to have fun and you’ll buy her some nice luggage for the trip.