Sister Woes: Tell me if I'm being unreasonable

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: So, am I really being unreasonable about declining to attend her birthday event?
    Yes, you are being a bit uptight. It's her 30th, and you should go celebrate with her. : (6 votes)
    5 %
    No, you should stick to your guns : (118 votes)
    93 %
    Other. Explain. , . : (3 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1721 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    If she was asking you to go for Vegas for one weekend, then I’d say, ok lighten up!  But a two week trip where you’d miss your SO’s birthday… sorry no dice.  I think it’s great she wants to do that, but she needs to respect that you cannot and will not.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1367 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Suggest an alternative.  Maybe take her away for a weekend (go to a spa or a yoga retreat or something.)  It won’t be super cheap but it’ll be WAY cheaper than Europe and show that you’re thinking of it.

    Post # 5
    Member
    825 posts
    Busy bee

    1 and 3 would be enough reasons for her to just back her stuff up about asking you to go. The big holidays are coming up and it would be horrible if you had to work through them all because your sister required you to come to Europe.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1194 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Could you compromise and say something like “you go to Europe for two weeks, I’ll meet you for one of them” and either fly over or back with her? That way it wouldn’t be all of your vacation time and you could still spend your SO’s birthday with him?

    Post # 7
    Member
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I hate when people want you to stop your life to celebrate their birthday for days on end. I have friends who literally have days of celebrating every year. Birthdays are great and all, but for anyone to guilt you into a trip bc it’s their 30th birthday is a bad reason. Then again, i’m more low key for my birthday and dont see why getting everyone involved is necessary. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    839 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @SincerelyShe:  Yeah, your sister needs to accept that expecting someone to drop thousands of dollars and burn through all of their vacation time for ANYTHING, much less her birthday, is absurd. I know you want to be a good sister and show her you care, but honestly, I think she’s being a bad sister by nagging you about this. I love my sister – we’re best friends – and I know I wouldn’t be able to do that for her at this stage in my life. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Why is your SO not invited? I think it would be awesome to go as a family, your SO included. But if she really wants you to go to Europe without him with all the info you’ve provided, she is nuts.

    Post # 10
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @SincerelyShe:  Does she have anyone else to go with? If not, then I feel for her a little bit more – it might be that she’s missing the closeness she used to have with you, and wishing that she had more 1 on 1 time with you. When we were younger, my sister and I were travel buddies, and we used to go all over the world together. When my sister got married and I was still single, I definitely missed her previous freedom and willingness to travel with me (and, because my sister is awesome like that, we still did go on several long trips together – some with her husband, and some just the two of us).

    But I can see where you’re coming from – if you need to save the money, don’t have that much vacation time, and want to include your SO on your travels, then that’s just the way it is!! And your sister should understand. She’s either got to grow up enough to travel on her own, join one of those travel-buddy websites to find other travel friends, get her own signtificant other to travel with, or invite your SO along!

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    2783 posts
    Sugar bee

    @SincerelyShe:  I personally did it to be a little unreasonable when people insist on taking trips for their birthday. It’s one thing if you’re loaded, but most of us don’t have money laying around To go on a vacation for two weeks, that’s crazy. Tell her it’s not happening and to just drop it. Maybe you can suggest what another bee said, a weekend trip to Vegas. Vegas is a lot less expensive than Europe.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3442 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @SincerelyShe:  It makes more sense now, but honestly such a nice trip should be spent with your FI. If my husband’s brother wanted him to go away on my birthday for a 2 week uber expensive trip to Europe without inviting me, I would be so pissed.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think expecting anyone to do a trip, even to Vegas, is wrong.  If you want to, that is fine.  But she is wrong to keep harrassing you.  I think spending the money for 4 days in Europe is more than I would do.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7279 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MizzStark1026:  +1

    Your sister is out of order. It is presumptuos on so many levels from expecting you to to spend all your vacation time with her and not your future husband. Then to not take into consideration your budget and saving goals, no….just no. I think a 4 day compromise is more than enough.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1715 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    If my sister did this I hate to say it but I would seriously laugh and then say “you paying????”  If she kept going on about it, I would just keep asking her where my plain ticket and food money was.  But that is how we roll lol.  It sucks that she is being so demanding but I think you just need to keep repeating yourself until she gets it.  You can’t afford it, don’t go.  Try the four day compormise if you can swing it and if that doesn’t work tell her to have fun and you’ll buy her some nice luggage for the trip.

     

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