Post # 1
Both of my younger sisters are my maids of honor. One of my younger sisters is in college and really busy with finals, but the other one is only 18 months younger than me (25 yrs old) so has ‘taken the reigns’ with the bridal shower and the bachelorette party – however, ‘taken the reigns’ is a phrase I use really loosely, because she really hasn’t done anything and doesn’t seem to care to do anything!
My bridal shower is THIS Saturday and she has done nothing except send out invitations (which she frantically hand-wrote) When asked about it, she flips out and starts such a huge fight, saying that she doesn’t need to do anything right now, she has time, etc…She wants to make a cake and food because buying anything costs ‘too much money’. Anytime my mom tries to help she refuses and another huge fight commences.
As far as the upcoing bachelorette party in June, she says she will not get anything printed up as far as invitations and she is going to invite all her friends (none of whom are invited to the wedding) – so I see it turning into just a girls night out for her and friends, not a special night celebrating me.
I am a teacher so I totally get the idea of doing things on the cheap, but she doesn’t seem to care that it’s hurting me that she doesn’t want to make these once in a lifetime events nice for me, her older sister! And anytime my mother or I offer to help it turns into a huge fight. I don’t think I am being selfish in wanting a nice shower/party (which I fully intend to give her when her turn comes around), but at this point, with no acceptance of help, I am expecting the worst…My younger sister has tried to step in but isn’t ‘allowed’ to help…
Post # 3
Sounds sort of like my situation! My MOH is a cousin and she has also taken the reigns but is being.. lazy and lax about everything. What changed things is that I finally got on her ALOT and forced a meeting type dinner between her, me, and 2 other BMs. She sent invites out late, and didn’t even ask the other girls for any money to help for months and months. As far as I know, the other girls still don’t know what’s going on. But I feel like my family/other BMs have stepped in enough to make sure it’s not really crappy.
here is my post: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/think-i-need-an-intervention-w-moh
If you have any other BM’s talk to them about your concerns and see if any of them can barge in to save the day. It’s pretty rude of your friends to let ths shower go to hell because they don’t want to step on your sisters toes. Thats how I felt, no one wanted to step on MOH’s toes, esp since the shower was at her home. But I eventually just bothered people until they got the point and now I have been able to step out of the process completely, and one BM took over the bachelorette party completely, which MOH was actuallt happy about.
I think you should also tell you sister: if you invite your friends I am not coming. this is not about you, this is not about your friends. it really is, a celebration for me. and if they aren’t invited to the wedding they arent invited to the bach party, i get to make the guest this. i am not being a bridezilla. (In a nicer way). You really just gotta put your foot down and say you will not be a part of it if you don’t agree with it.
Post # 4
Wow! That is a tough one! Especially with the fact that she won’t let your mom or your younger sister help! I hope she gets it together. Maybe your younger sister or mom could have a “back up plan” to help save the day, if your sister doesn’t come through for the shower and bachelorette party-perhaps they can be sure that your sister invites your friends too-or make sure they contact your friends themselves with time and date. It wouldn’t hurt to give your friends a heads up regarding all of this, so they can be prepared to show up with ideas for your bachelorette party. I’m not sure what else you can do? 🙁
Post # 5
I’m in a similar situation! I have 3 bridesmaids and all three are a bit… MIA. My MOH was shocked that she was in charge of planning the bachelorette party, so I think I’m planning that and my bridal shower on my own. I’ve been engaged for 7 months now, and she’s not once made an effort to get in contact with the other bridesmaids, and her only input has been when is inconvenient for her. One of my bridesmaids promised she’d help me plan, then randomly took off on an extended (no idea when she’s coming back) road trip across the country, and the third wants me to buy her dress online for her, ship it to her once it arrives at my house, and then return it for her if it doesn’t work out… and I have no idea why. The dress is definitely within her budget, but I don’t think she wants to have to deal with ordering it. Between that and the MIL whose only contribution towards the wedding was asking “when, where and who I can bring?” I’m kinda over it all. I know it’s not all about me, but I was kinda hoping it would be a little about me… ya know?
Moral of the story: people suck?
Post # 6
Sounds a little like my situation. My sister/MOH has done nothing for my wedding aside from complaining, suddenly getting pregnant and deciding to get hitched herself.
She hasn’t asked me about my plans once or even sent back her RSVP card that was due June 1st. I’ve asked her for it at least 5 times. I think I would have been better off just choosing a random person off the street.