Post # 1
My sister recently had her first baby – and she is the First Grandchild in my family, Fiance on the other hand has about seven nieces and nephews ranging from 5 to 16yrs old.
All along Fiance and I had adopted a strict no child policy as we really are leaning towards a party celebration. Our wedding is also a Destination Wedding taking place in August 2012 in Italy which will be lovely and warm – but perhaps too warm for kiddies! Also, that being said we are only inviting about 70 close friends and family…
Background given, Fiance family are all ok with the ‘no children policy’ and are very happy to oblige us and leave the kiddies with relatives (we know it is a big ask but most couples are happy for a break of two or three days – we’re all coming from Ireland so flights are three hours max)
We’re delighted with this and are planning a more child friendly party with Bouncy Castles and games when we come home from Honeymoon –
so here’s the snag… My sisters baby! My sister and my BIL clearly want their little girl there, but I really can’t be unfair and say yes to my niece and no to my Fiance nieces and nephews, That’s the first issue.. the second is MY mother and father. They really want her there, but again the thoughts of a 16 month old baby in the middle of a hot day/ party atmosphere really doesnt appeal to me!
Also – for my sister’s wedding two years ago here in Ireland – she refused her husbands nephew (who was a 14 month old at the time) because she didnt want to be upstaged!
Help needed! When I tried to bring it up before it only upset everyone – but by keeping quiet my Fiance & I are suffering and he is understandably upset that it appears his neices and nephews can be so easily left off the guest list by my parents!
Post # 3
I would jsut tell them point blank that its unfair, and no she can’t come. Remind them they did the same for their wedding. They will get over it.
Post # 4
This is your first step in uniting together as a team. Stand with him and put your foot down. I know that’s hard, but if you said no to FI’s family then you must say no to yours, because on that day, they all become your family.
Post # 5
Exactly how we both feel! Any tips on trying to convince my parents – who have become increasingly more stubborn about it even saying to me “If you don’t offer ‘babygirl’ an invite we won’t go oursleves!”
Post # 6
@Belle Italia: Tell them that you’re sad that they feel that way and it would make you feel terrible if they missed out on watching you get married, but you understand them having strong convictions about this topic as you do yourself. Then don’t say anything else. You’re not doing anything wrong.
Post # 7
Stand your ground. It would be unfair, esp since she did the same thing at her wedding.
Post # 8
@mwitter80: that’s what I would say too. Hopefully, they will see how ridiculous they are acting, and get over it. Just like people can’t expect you to put off having babies to coincide with a wedding, they can’t expect you to make exceptions for them just because they now have one. Stick to your guns, and keep repeating the same thing over and over if necessary. But don’t give in, cuz it will just add to the drama of his family not being able to bring their kids
Post # 9
You can request she leave the baby at home but don’t be surprised if your own sister isn’t at your wedding. I would’ve never left my daughter at that age for a Destination Wedding. If it were a 3 hr car ride that’d be fine but I’m assuming with flights and if she’s in the bridal party it’ll be 3 or 4 days. Unless you expect her husband to stay home with the baby, which I guess could be a solution. I personally wouldn’t do it but everyone’s different. Yes she made the same request at her wedding but now that she’s a parent obviously she feels differently. It’s a tough situation.
Post # 10
I see room for compromise here. There is no reason she can’t bring the baby to Italy. They do have children there in August.
They can get a hotel room,air-conditioned if they want,and have the hotel hire a professional child minder for the duration of the wedding.
Post # 11
Agree with this. Or maybe a friend they trust or BIL’s parents can come and stay with baby during the wedding. Who doesn’t want a trip to Italy?
Post # 12
@ 7-9-11bride… GREAT IDEA! I’m going to propose that as an option as I feel that If they hire a sitter they don’t know one or both of them will leave the night early to check up on and ultimately stay with ‘babygirl’.
I absolutely adore my Niece & she is my godchild – but I have been to so many weddings where to me, in my opinion the children were CRAZY (and I know that you can’t paint all children with the same brush but.. I guess I’m terrified of that happening!)
It’s the precise reason that we are aiming to throw a Kiddie Friendly party becuase we love the little ones to bits, but in more of a ‘BBQ- Balloons – Face Painting’ kind of Vibe, lots of fun and games but no Alcohol around children!
Post # 13
Just gotta love the hypocrasy of some people. She had her wedding, made the exact same request, but now she’s trying to act brand new?. Wow. I think the suggestion of travel aide is the best compromise, otherwise defintely stand firm. Its your wedding and you have every right to have is executed how you see fit.
Post # 14
I also agree with julies1949….if they want to bring the baby with them, that’s fine, but they also need to bring someone to watch the child.
Post # 15
I think the decision is up to you and your fiancee. It is nice to take into account other’s feelings, but you must go with you and your fiancee’s vision of your wedding day. Remember, no matter what decision you make, someone will be dissatisfied. So do what makes you and fiancee happy for YOUR wedding day. Do not go out of the way to make someone else happy while sacrificing your own happiness….
Post # 16
Our Bridesmaid/Groomsman couple who are also new parents are bringing their baby to the wedding location, and then leaving him with her mother (who is making the trip up) for the day of the wedding. It is perfectly acceptable not to have any babies at a wedding, as your sister is aware, because she made the same request. It is less reasonable to insist your sister leave the baby in another country.
As for your parents, sit them down and say “Mom, Dad, when BabysMom was having her wedding, you supported her decision to not include children. If you’re not willing to support my SAME DECISION than I am very hurt and insulted”