Post # 1
I’m curious to get some feedback on an invited guest situation (drama) that has arisen with our RSVP’s…
When making our invitation list, we developed a few rules to make the cut-off lines as clear as possible. One of the rules was that adult family members only get a plus one if they are engaged/living together.
My little sister, who, along with her son, still lives with my step-mom, has not been willing to admit that the baby daddy lives with them (although many in our family assume he must bc he’s there all the time). Additionally, he does not get along with most of the people in my family (won’t talk to my older sister and sometimes my dad) and has never made any real effort to talk to me at family functions.
I decided not to invite him.
Fast forward to the RSVP’s arriving… My little sister added his name to the list of names attending.
Now, I feel like I am in a very difficult situation. Do I just accept this gracefully and let him attend? Or, do I listen to my older sister and father and tell my little sister that he can not come with her?
I would feel terrible if my little sister decided not to come to the wedding and if my nephew was not there. But, I feel like her behavior was rude and that’s a lot of money to spend on someone I don’t know (we are paying for the wedding ourselves at this point, not sure if the family will contribute anything towards the end). Plus, I’ve already had to tell other invited guests that their kids couldn’t come because they were not on the list.
Anyone faced a similar situation? How did you/would you deal with this?
Post # 3
For every rule there is an exception. Even those couples who do use a cutoff for plus ones, often make exceptions for immediate family and the bridal party.
Which is worth more to you- family harmony or being right on a point of etiquette?
Post # 4
I think having a child together means just as much as being engaged/living together. I would allow your sister to bring him.
Post # 5
It’s not just the etiquette, its that I’m feeling hurt. I just wish that she’d contacted me to talk about this if she really wanted him to come… It’s especially difficult to accept as well because my older sister had a talk with her a week ago to explain that only the people who’s names were on the invitation were invited and there was no mention of him attending the wedding. (My older sister also had a talk with a cousin who was planning on bringing an uninvited child; she’s sort of been the enforcer for that side of my family.)
Post # 6
Unless there’s a real threat that he or your disapproving relatives would cause a scene, then invite him. It’s not worth the headache.
One of my favorite sayings, especially when dealing with family or marital relations, is “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”
Post # 7
Your sister has a child with him and may be living together she deserves a plus one. If he doesn’t get along with your family seat them at another table.
Post # 8
Yeah, whether your family likes him or not, he’s forever a part of her life now…if she’s still dating him, you may as well treat him like family. He very well may be some day.
Post # 9
I will agree it was rude of heer to write him in she should have called you, however you were also rude because she should have had a plus one to begin with
Post # 10
You should just let it slide. It’s not worth her not being there. Even if they don’t live together, they are together and have a child together. As your immediate family, she is an exception. She should get to bring her family. Plus, I’m assuming the reasn she doesn’t live with him and still lives at home is money. I’m sure if they could they would live together.
Post # 11
It isn’t worth it, let him come!
Post # 12
I want to say thank you for all the input. I’ve been inclined to just let things go with this uninvited guest… It’s been hard with mulitple family members telling me to go against that instinct, especially since they will be more impacted by this decision than I will (no one in my step-mom’s household has a drivers’ license or car, so my older sister and father will be transporting everyone from an hour away).
Anyway, a little outside subjectivity can go a long way. Thanks again!
Post # 13
@Krises: Yah, this. I’m going to have a similar issue with the daughter of some family friends who got herself knocked up by her boyfriend of two months.