- 3 years ago
I have never written a post like this before, but i guess i am slightly losty as to what to do now and would just desperately like to understand what people outside of my family believe is right or wrong and i guess see other perspectives on this all.
I got engaged at the beginning of December to my best friend who i have been dating for nearly 3 years. My parents, where we always thought we would have the wedding, live on a working farm and so harvest means August and September are flat out months and not very fair to put a wedding in, even though they are two of the perfect months for having them. We first toyed with putting ours in July but felt this was very rushed and would mean fitting it in between 2 great friends weddings either side of the available date we had in mind. I always wanted a summer wedding but fearerd i wouldn’t be able to plan it in 7 months, or enjoy planning it in a rushed capacity. So we have now set the date for beginning of October, crossing our fingers for vaguely good weather and it means we don’t interfer with harvest at all.
When we broke the news of the enagament, everyone seemed thrilled apart from my sister which did really hurt. She is older than me, has always had this very old fashioned belief the oldest should get married first and her and her boyfriend at the time had been going out only a few months less than us. I understand why she was upset but it was difficult to see that she wasn’t able to be happy for us even so. Anyway, she made her jealously quite clear, if i mentioned it, she changed the subject over the conversation, when i asked her to be my bridesmaid she refused, she declined all invites of coming dress shopping with me and even tried to avoid being available when we were trying to set our enagement drinks date. The whole family went into this state of tip toeing around talking about it whenever she was there for fear of upsetting her whcih is particuaslrly difficult when i live an hour away from my parents and she lives on the farm. So whenever i went home at a weekend to talk about it, if she was there my parents didn’t want us to disucss it.
Flick forward to the middle of January this year and her now fiance got down on one knee to ask her to marry him. We were thrilled and my fiance and I rushed down that weekend to my parents farm, where they also live in a cottage with Champagne and flowers etc to celebrate with them. Over lunch with my whole family, grandarents etc she suddenly drops the bomb shell of that they would like to get married before us in July and because of other weddings the only date available was the Saturday which my birthday was on.
Sadly my fiance and I had discussed that if she got enaged in time to be able to put hers before ours then she would, but it still hurt that whilst ours is only 8 months away she couldn’t respect ours to wait after and is rushing ahead to put hers before mine, and icing in the cake, on my birthday.
The hard thing is my parents, and whether they are just trying to please everyone, seem to think that we need to be the bigger people and just accept it. I just can’t understand why they don’t see that the problem with the date is caused by their determination to be married before us.
I just don’t know what to do, my fiance and I have even started discussing moving it from the farm now, because we are fed up with it always being on her terms and us having to give way. I thought engagement and wedding planning was meant to be enjoyable and i see all my firends around me getting enaggeed and just having thier time with their parents and i hate that our engagement seems to revolve around my sisters wishes and feelings and now we have to share it all.
Any advice would be hugely helpful, i am so lost and upset with it all and it doesn’t seem to be that our feelings are taken into account so what should we do. Go and get married somewhere else, whenever we want, and just put two fingers to everyone or just suck it up and accept that it just isn’t the way we wished for our engagement but there is nothing we can do? Do i even have a rihgt to feel this angry?…