(Closed) Sisters starting down same path at the same time

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I guess it depends how close you are to your sister. I would be thrilled to be involved in ring shopping, thrilled that she got engaged and thrilled that we could wedding plan together. But we are super close.

Post # 5
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You sound kind of selfish to me. It sounds like he wants your help because he wants to make sure she’s happy. If you don’t have time/energy to help plan her wedding, then tell her so. Your engagements and weddings are completely separate events.

Post # 6
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It seems like a lot of stress for two things that haven’t even happened yet.  A lot of the things you listed you don’t need to worry about like if her boyfriend moves.  and if you are uncomforatble with helping him with the engagement then just let him know you are happy to anwser questions or provide advice but cant join him shopping.  I think shopping and planning could be a nice bond for you and your potential FBIL.

Like you said, I’d just focus on your relations and help out your sister as you can. 

On another note, I am getting married the same summer as my step-sister and its been great.  I’ve loved being able to talk, unload and plan together.  We are having two completely different weddings but its brought us closer together.  So there could be a lot of pluses to this situation. 

Post # 7
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@bamboobride:

We all want this special moment in our lives to be REALLY special. I understand that. But I come from the mindset that family is the most important thing and, so… I guess I’m no help! LOL. Sorry, I’m sure others will answer!

ETA – I was just saying the other day how I would have loved if my husband took my sis ring shopping with him. I want them to be as close as a brother and sister. (They love each other, but the ring shopping would have really bonded them and she could have pushed DH in the right direction. He did ok on his own though 😉

Post # 8
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’d be excited to help someone plan an engagement. I get the whole jealousy thing going on. Keep in mind that she’s 31. Her timeline is a lot different from yours at 25. If she’s like anyone I know my age, they’ve been through dating hells and found someone ready to marry right away when their contemporaries have been married for sometime at this point in life and often with children. Also, you never know what kind of wedding they’ll throw compared to yours. It could be much smaller and intimate compared to yours. Either way, embrace it and be happy for her.

Post # 9
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i’m really not sure what #3 has to do with anything.  he has to move, she can’t….so what?

Post # 10
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

All your concerns are based on assumptions of what might happen and what she might ask of you. Plus, their wedding may even be a year or more after yours…

Regarding the ring shopping – keep in mind that some girls find shopping for the ring w/ their FI unromantic & want to be surprised. So I woudln’t think less of him by asking for your help vs. asking her what she likes….

Since we can’t control other peoples lives, I would let all the peices play out, then when it comes time for her to pick a wedding date, you can express some of your concerns letting her know that you want to help her, but since you are planning your own wedding she can expect X and Y; however, like I mentioned before if her wedding is some time after yours, then your concerns would no longer be valid.

Post # 11
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I dont have a sister but from what i’ve seen with my friends/family…99% of the time, the older sister realllllly wants to be engaged first. I’m not saying that’s right, but have you considered things from her perspective?

I would be flattered that the bf asked for your help. Maybe your sister has even mentioned to him that you know her style and would be able to help.

Just because they have been dating for less time than you and your bf doesn’t mean they are less “ready” to be engaged. Your age difference makes a difference here. They sound like they’ve decided they’ve met the person they want to spend their lives with and are ready to take the plunge. Just because you and your bf have been taking years to be engaged doesn’t mean that yours is more “right”.

In all honesty, it sounds like you want the world focused on your engagement and wedding and don’t want to share the spotlight.

If I were you, I would see this as an opportunity to bond with your sister. She is family afterall. I’m a bit confused that you live together but you don’t really want to be part of her life? Why wouldn’t you want to help her plan her wedding? Would you want her to help you?

Post # 12
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I actually helped my sister’s now husband pick out her ring and it turned into being a fun bonding time for us.  He was utterly clueless as to what to look for and was afraid of being ripped off, so I’m glad I was there to help.

As for the other stuff, I’d say you are jumping the gun.  Besides, there’s nothing wrong with you guys heading down the same path at the same time.  One of my sisters and I were married within 8 months of eachother and she’s now expecting her first child.  Am I supposed to wait a certain amount of time to have my first child so we’re not doing things at the same time?  I certainly hope not.  (I will add, I got married first, I’m 7 years older than her, and had been with my DH a great deal longer before getting married than she was with hers…None of these things should ever mean that she has to put her life on hold for me).

Post # 15
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@bamboobride: (I’m replying to your reply to me). Well, I’m in my 30’s and got engaged after a year and it was the exact right thing to do. I’m not sure what you mean by “helping him buy the ring is saying I approve”. WHY don’t you approve? Solely because you want to be first? I don’t buy the “I don’t know him well and she is probably rushing herself because her clock is ticking” thing.

ETA – maybe she has even pushed him to get your input? To get you two closer? This is him extending his hand to you?

 

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@bamboobride:  I think it could be fun for you to help him ring shop!  I literally met my sister’s DH and then 15 minutes later went to help him ring shop.  It was a tad bit awkward at first, but we got through it!  It was actually adorable to watch him be so serious about what he should pick out, which was the best, etc.!

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