- 7 years ago
Any and all questions, insights, or advice would be welcomed!
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years and are both 25. 2 years ago we started talking about marriage, and since then have been ring shopping and discussing dates and locations. I know he has the ring and is planning on talking to my parents next week.
My older sister is 31 has been with her boyfriend for a little more than a year. Last week he called me and told me that he wants to meet up because he needs my help with engagement planning.
I am very happy for her and her boyfriend. However, these are a few key points that is making this a bit harder to just be happy for her:
1) I don’t really want to help with his engagement planning (go out, pick the ring, discuss proposal ideas), because I feel like that responsibility should fall solely on him, with a few questions to me. Or at least that he would have done some homework on what kind of rings she like, or maybe even gone shopping with her.
2) 2 years is a long time to talk about getting engaged, and I would like to get engaged to my boyfriend as soon as possible. To be honest, I’d like to be the first one engaged.
3) Sister’s boyfriend will be moving to Minnesota in October as his company will be moving their operations out there. My sister’s job requires her to stay in San Francisco for at least another 2 years.
4) I don’t want this to become a trend, to both be “racing towards the aisle”, or for it to be expected that I always help with whatever she has going on in her life (I don’t want to become a stand-in for him in the planning of their wedding). As much as possible I would prefer that there were no competition of any sort.
What I would like to do is to be able to concentrate on my relationship with my boyfriend, our impending engagement, and our wedding, but still be a part of my sisters life without being sucked into it completely.
Am I jumping the gun on a possible non-problem, or creating mountains out of mole hills? Should I even say anything to my boyfriend about sister and her boyfriend also planning to become engaged? What is a tactful, caring, and diplomatic way to respond to the sister’s boyfriends request?