sister's wedding before mine

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You get a day, you don’t get a week, a month, a season or a year.  It really doesn’t matter who is older, who got engaged first, who has been in a relationship longer, you can get married when it is best for you and your sister can get married when it is best for her.

If your sister is marrying a non American they don’t have a lot of control over the time frame, once you are approved for a K1 visa you have to be married within a certain amount of time.  The application process is long, and can range over several months to get approved.  It’s not really within their control.

You really need to get this idea out of your head that only you deserve attention until your wedding is over.

Post # 4
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mrsnumbers:  I always think a 2-3 month gap between siblings (especially sisters) is good, mainly for the sake of relatives who have to travel for the wedding. Since you say you have no travelling relatives, closer is ok, though I can see how it’s a strain. While your sister can get married any time she chooses, I do agree it’s kind of selfish for her to put hers too close to yours when she has other options.

I think you need to ignore your sister and plan without her. As far as possible, don’t share details (which may not be easy, depending how much you involve your mother). Don’t worry about helping with her wedding at all. Just concenrate on yours.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Elope now, then you’ll be married first.  Problem solved.

Otherwise, don’t stress about something you have no control over.  If your contract are alredy signed, then get your save the dates out now so your guests can start making plans to attend your weddin.  That way if she plans hers at the last minute, it will already take a backseat to yours.  Also, keep some details of your wedding on the down low so if she copies, there will still be elements of your wedding that she doesn’t know to copy.

Post # 6
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You chose a day that worked for you, right?  Why aren’t your sister and her FI afforded that same luxury?  This isn’t a pissing contest.  You’re throwing around these numbers like your age, how long you’ve been with your respective partners, length of engagement, etc.  You’re basically saying “I’m more special than you becuase I’m older and because we’ve been together longer and been engaged longer so we get to go first.”  From what I’ve read here, you are causing the drama.  Not your sister.  Let it go.  This is your sister, she’s your family.  Do you realize how special this is?  Your little sister is getting married.  And so are you.  You should cherish this time.  But instead your creating problems over who gets to throw their pretty princess day first.  For the love of god, get over it!  I promise you, when it’s all said and done and you’re both happily settled into your marriages this is going to mean nothing.  Don’t let this ruin your relationship.  It’s not worth it.

 

Post # 8
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

 @mrsnumbers:  I feel like you’re going to get a lot of responses like @pixiecat: and while she’s obviously correct, I think you know that.  You don’t sounds irrational or self centered, just dissappointed.  And I think you get to be.  It sucks that you have to share your time, and it sucks that a younger sibling wants to go first even though you’re older and together longer and planning first.  That sucks.  It really does.  

It sounds like she has reasonable reasons for wanting to do that and that she’s not just trying to show you up or being petulant, and it sounds like you and handling it well and not thowing a tantrum that she can’t do that and all the weddings are yours.  I think if you were doing that, you might deserve a “you only get one day” speach.  But I think you’re just being a little dissappointed, and you know what? I think you get to be little dissappointed. It really does suck. I don’t think anyone would ever say that they wouldn’t prefer not to have their sibling get married so close to them, and especially before them if they could help it.  I think it’s okay to vent a little.  🙂

 

Post # 9
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

who cares if she gets married before you. why are you that insecure? 

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My advice is to get over it and move on. You’ve had your time to be upset now let it go. She can get married whenever she wants, just like you can. My sister and I got married at the same venue and used many of the same vendors but our weddings were completely different to match our personal tastes. 

Post # 12
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

SIL got engaged in July 2011, planned a wedding for September 2013.

We got engaged in August 2012, planned a wedding for May 2013.

SIL was so upset that she actually cancelled her wedding and planned a different one for January 1st, 2013 (so she could still get married first). Instead of having her 150 person dream wedding, 7 people showed up to her 10am New Years wedding (and we ended up missing it because our alarm never went off)

So I think it’s fine to be upset… As long as you don’t do anything crazy.

 

Post # 13
Member
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

you can’t make your sister change when she wants to get married. I do understand where you are coming from, but don’t really think its fair to your sister either

Post # 15
Member
7098 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ehhh I think as long as there’s a month or so in between that’s enough. You don’t get a whole summer.

Post # 16
Hostess
3787 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@mrsnumbers:  Why does my date get no consideration?


As long as she’s not getting married the same day as you, that’s pretty much giving it consideraiton. You can’t expect your sister to plan her major life events around the exact amount of attention time you feel you deserve. I think it’s great that your whole family has been involved in planning, but that doesn’t mean it’s a zero sum game. It also doesn’t sound like your sister is going to have the same type or scale of wedding as you. 

I understand that you’re upset because it’s not aligning with the image you had in your head, but that’s just life a lot of the time. I’m sure a huge reason why she can’t give you all the details you want is because she and her fiance simply don’t know. The visa process is long, complicated, and largely out of their control. Obviously with visiting his family, and travelling, they are probably trying to do a lot of things to balance multiple family, personal and legal obligations.

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