- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
So I’m having some wedding drama and just wanted to see if people had any advice or perspective to add. Sorry this is so long, but I’ve been stressing about this for a while and the issue doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon! My fiancé and I have been engaged since July and are getting married next August. Since around the same time, my sister has been discussing getting married around the same time period as us and I’ve been less than pleased about this. She just announced her official engagement today, bringing my stress level to a new high! My sister is two years younger and has been in her relationship about two years while my fiancé and I have been together four years. While I know these are only numbers and don’t ultimately dictate who gets to get married when, they’re certainly not helping me feel better about the situation!
As a little bit of background on her wedding situation, she does have extenuating circumstances. She currently lives out of the country and her fiancé is not an American citizen. They want to move back to the US and it will be much easier for jobs if he becomes an American through marriage. They originally had a rougher timeline of when they wanted to come back to the US, but her fiancé is leaving his job, moving the time line up. I don’t know all the details about what time limits they’ll have, but at some point they’ll likely have a 90 day limit to getting married based on some visa requirement. They have been talking to an immigration lawyer so are looking into the details. She has been using the governments rules as an excuse all along for her choice of wedding date, but I feel like she has some wiggle room and choices that she’s totally disregarding.
I get that they have some limits in when they can get married, but I feel like my sister is not being at all conscientious in this, totally disregarding my feelings. For example, his job ends in November, but they’re not coming to the US til February because plane tickets are cheaper, even though this will likely push their wedding closer to ours. (And yes, maybe plane tickets are a few hundred less, but when you weight this against a few extra months of unemployment… I don’t get it.) They’re also talking about traveling for two months in South America right after they come to the US, again likely pushing the wedding closer to mine. It’s not helping me at all that they’re being totally indecisive so I’m currently stressing out that they might do the wedding the week before my wedding, even though maybe that won’t be the case at all.
To be totally fair, for having a sibling potentially get married right before me, I’m in a pretty good position. My family is small and all local (except for my sister and me, in fact) so we won’t have any close family unable to attend both weddings. While my wedding will be a fully planned out event with a sizeable guest list, my sister wants something smaller, possibly a trip to the courthouse or maybe a small backyard wedding. Although she’s waffling even on these details, so I’m becoming concerned she’ll suddenly be deciding to have a bigger wedding and preview all my vendors at her wedding before mine, since that’ll be easiest to plan last minute!
In my perfect world, my sister would not get married before me or in the same summer as me. We got engaged first and I want us to be able to have our special time and then they can have theirs. I mean, if my sister gets married first, I won’t be able to help with her wedding at all and I would have really enjoyed that process. It’s sounding like my mom might agree that two weeks before or after are off limits for my sister’s wedding, but not much more. We choose our wedding date around being able to honeymoon immediately after so I’ve told my mom I’m not giving that up to attend my sister’s wedding and my mom recognizes that we’ll all be very busy right before my wedding.
I get that at some point I just need to move on and get over this. It’s not good for anyone how much negativity is existing between my sister and me right now (and of course I made her my maid of honor before all this stuff exploded). I just feel like my sister is going to take my wedding and do it first. Its making me feel like my wedding is becoming a lot less special, it’s just one in a group of family weddings now. I’ve put a lot of time and work into my wedding and I feel like my sister is just coming in and taking my time away from me. Does anyone have any advice on this or any perspective they can bring to this? Even advice on how to move on would be great because I’ve been pretty upset about this for weeks in not months now.