Sister's Wedding vs. My Vow Renewal BIG Issues

posted 3 years ago in Vow Renewals
Post # 3
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@USCBelle:  What an exciting time in your family!! A wedding AND a vow renewal!  You both have the right to have the dress and colors that make you happy.  Congratulations on losing all that weight!! That is quite an accomplishment!   This probably isn’t what you want to hear.  I have a sister and we are getting married in the same year- it’s stressful!!  I know you waited a long time for this, and it’s emotional, but I think you should be the bigger person.  I doubt anyone is going to say, oh wow, your dresses look really similar!  Most people will completely forget what the other dress looked like, honestly.  Plus, there are only so many wedding dresses and a lot of them a very similar, there is only a couple different silouettes and a couple different fabric.  It’s also not the EXACT same dress.  Maybe she fell in love with that dress!  In terms of colors, while it looks shady that your sister has the same colors, she may genuinely want those colors and you can’t “call” colors.  Maybe you can add an additional color to make it feel different?  I would err on the side of caution and stop telling her your ideas just to be safe though- if you have Pinterest, make it a secret board!  A dress and colors don’t make a wedding special or unique, the people and the love they share do!  Your vow renewal will be gorgeous and you will make a beautiful matron of honor for your sister!

ETA: My sister and I haven’t fought about dresses (yet) but we did fight about dates.  She felt that since she got engaged first, she should get the date she wants and I should plan around her.  She was engaged 4 years and didn’t get her stuff together.  Then she had a baby in December of 2012 and refused to get married in the summer of 2013 because she didn’t want to have baby weight in her wedding photos, so she is getting married in May 2014.  I wanted to get married in May 2014 bc our anniversary fell on a weekend (PERFECT!).  She didn’t budge and now we are looking at November 2014 (our family is OOT and will have to fly in from across the country).  Plus, some family members won’t be able to afford to fly twice in one year, so they will probably not be able to attend my wedding.  I have never dreamed of having a fall/winter wedding, there is a higher chance of rain, and it will be an outdoor ceremony AND cocktail hour so weather is a huge concern.  I’m doing my best to be the bigger person, but it does suck sometimes.  I just came to the realization that it isn’t worth the drama and I will still get to marry my FI, and that’s what is really important.  But if it does rain, someone will have to hold me down so that I don’t strangle my sister because I will blame her for it!!  I guess my point is, that is totally sucks, but it’s not worth the heart ache.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@USCBelle:  You are too sweet!  I just wanted you to know that I can totally see where you are coming from.  I know it’s hard, but you will get through it, and the day of you will be SOOO excited you won’t even think about the drama with your sister!!  Congratulations on 10 years of marriage- not a lot of people can say they made it that long now-a-days, you are doing something right!! HUGS!!!

Post # 7
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@USCBelle:  LOL @ big girl panties! YAY- that is great news! That sounds like a fair compromise, and that’s your FAVORITE part, so that’s even better!  I have a feeling your walk down the aisle will be a jaw dropper, especially with your weight loss success!!  Two syllable Da-amn for sure!!! 

Post # 9
Member
746 posts
Busy bee

Wow! You’ve managed to accomplish a lot! You should be very proud of yourself.

 I think it’s sad that your sister seems to be stealing your thunder. This should be a very special time for you and your entire family-sister included. But it sounds like your only option is to take the high road, and focus on why you decided to renew your vows in the first place.

 

Post # 10
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@USCBelle:  I think if you love your dress you shouldn’t change it or feel bad that your sister has one very similar.  That being said, I totally understand how you’re feeling, but you can’t change what she does, only what you do.  So if you’re really concerned about them looking too similar, can you add accessories, or a veil, or maybe something like a beaded belt so that your dress is slightly different?  Smaller things can totally make your dress your own.  Same with your hairstyle and your shoes and your flowers.

I would also keep from sharing any details with her anymore if you’re worried about her copying them.  Just plan on your own and only share what you aren’t concerned about.

Congrats on all your accomplishments!

Post # 11
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Aww hun i know exactly how you feel, I got married in dec 12 and when i tried my dress on i knew it was the one. However in may this year my ex partner got married and his now wife was wearing pretty much the exact same dress as mine, in fact there was only 2 small differences between them. At first i thought it was a coincedence because our styles are very different, i later found out from a mutual friend that she chose it after looking at my wedding photos via a social networking site. As you can imagine i was very very upset.

We are renewing our vows in 4 years time for our 5th anniversary and our 10th year of being together and i am choosing a dress that I want, regardless if anyone else is having the same or if they “copy” from it.

Your renewal is just as special as your sisters wedding and if you want the dress that you have brought then you wear that and wear it with pride and take it as a compliment that your sister has had to get a dress very simiar to yours because it is so beautiful.

Post # 12
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Aww hun i know exactly how you feel, I got married in dec 12 and when i tried my dress on i knew it was the one. However in may this year my ex partner got married and his now wife was wearing pretty much the exact same dress as mine, in fact there was only 2 small differences between them. At first i thought it was a coincedence because our styles are very different, i later found out from a mutual friend that she chose it after looking at my wedding photos via a social networking site. As you can imagine i was very very upset.

We are renewing our vows in 4 years time for our 5th anniversary and our 10th year of being together and i am choosing a dress that I want, regardless if anyone else is having the same or if they “copy” from it.

Your renewal is just as special as your sisters wedding and if you want the dress that you have brought then you wear that and wear it with pride and take it as a compliment that your sister has had to get a dress very simiar to yours because it is so beautiful.

Post # 13
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Your vow renewel is your.

Her wedding is hers.

 

Even if she decided to copy everything you do to a tee……. its annoying, but it’s her wedding.

 

Be flatterd! Ha.

 

If you do this tit for tat, back and forth, it iwll only cause more rifts.

 

The vlue of your dress isn’t an less just because her is similar. Focus on YOU, YOUR FAMILY, and YOUR VOW RENEWAL…not what she is doing. 

Post # 14
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@USCBelle:  

It’s great you lost weight and that you are celebrating 10 years together but this is her wedding.  IMO – she gets to have dibs on whatever dress, colors, etc she wants.    You can have them too, of course but I really don’t think she has to be the one that plans around your renewal/weight loss.

I know that sounds harsh but it’s her wedding.  

Post # 15
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Weddings are a minefield for family relationships. There is so much that doesn’t meet the eye, which comes out in copying ideas from siblings or trying to control children’s weddings.

 

Your sister is clearly in competition with you. She is jealous and wants the attention you are getting, because of your weight loss, your vow renewal and your beautiful family.

 

How about going out for lunch or coffee with your sister and having a heart to heart. You can gently tell your sister the similarities you are noticing in your wedding and remind her that you have been married for ten years. Let her know how you feel. It sounds like your sister is  spiteful and wouldn’t be open to changing her gown.

Post # 16
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@USCBelle:  I would try asking her again since her dress is just on hold, other then that I would suggest no longer sharing anything of yur planning with her. I don’t know if she is doing these things on purpose or by mistake but i wouldn’t share as for colours i would suggest that those were your orignal colours 

 

I also would start to find some lil wow factor things you can do to make you feel like its your day not copy events very alike (i would bring in some cool elements and not tell her to make a signautre that is yours to it) 

 

Wear your dress love it go get accessories do not show anyone bring a best friend to pick them and don’t show anyone the finished look till the day off … also think out side the box have your brides maids have orignal or different kinda of things to carry other then flowers or go for something really different for the flowers 

 

have fun but keep it to your self (and pick some amazing pop of colour shoes) if your dress needs crinoline choose it to match your fav of the wedding colours) and have some amazing photos showing with this wow factor pop (also its something to make yours both very different that likely no one will see most of the day sept when you choose to show it off it would be very fun) 


pick really different details like i want a beaded head band but i am still gonna wear a veil for the walking down the isle 

 

just find little things you can do to make your look extra speical for you rock your body you worked hard to earn the right to feel amazing in your gown 

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