(Closed) “Skinny” girls are expected to be thick skinned?

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
Member
949 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m right there with you. I’m not as stick-thin as I used to be, and I do get that people on the other end of the continuum get more crap for it, but… yeah, sometimes people just don’t seem to even hear what they’re saying. It’s pretty ridiculous.

Post # 4
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@bells: I think the comments like: “our stick thin, you have no curves, your not womanly enough” are totally inappropriate.

However, the “you’re so skinny” or “you’re so tall” comments at the bridal salon were probably meant as compliments (unless they were said in a nasty tone).

I’m tall and get that all the time (I am not skinny though).

Our society is so focused on the thinner/skinnier the better people may mistakenly think that calling you skinny is a compliment and what you want to hear.

Post # 5
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

I am a bigger girl and I say that it’s NOT ok and nobody should have to “take it”. It’s not ok for any girl of any size to comment negatively about another girls size. EVER.

Post # 6
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think a good rule of thumb is never to comment on someone else’s appearance unless its a genuine compliment.

Post # 7
Member
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yep. Here’s a fun story for you.

All of my girlfriends are plus sized. This isn’t meant as a dig, it’s the truth. SOOO a few years ago they all got together to exercise/eat healthy, etc. Once a week. Every Tuesday night. They cooked together and they exercised together.

I heard about it weeks later when I was hanging out with 2 of these girls and one said to the other “oh are you going to so-and-so’s house Tuesday?”. I asked what they were talking about, and they explained it to me and told me that I wasn’t invited because I “didn’t need to lose any more weight.”

Really? So I missed out on some serious bonding with some of my best friends just because I was too skinny. Not gonna lie, I went home that night and cried and cried. I felt so hurt, like I was being punished for being thin. Haha, it happened so long ago, but I’m still getting misty over it just thinking about it.

My friendship with these girls have never been the same and it was really hurtful.

 

Post # 8
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@SunriseMidwest: Hear, hear! That is absolutely right.

Calling someone fat is just as hurtful as telling someone they look anorexic. I wanted to die when I saw some of my friends (even close ones) joining a group on facebook “real women have curves, not the body of a 12 year old boy.” Awesome…so I’m not a real woman? I guess it’s like having curly hair and wishing yours was straight and vice versa.

Post # 9
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

@TinyTina: Wow that is horrible =( I’m sorry you had to experience that, they should have invited you no matter what they snarkily thought! (I wish people didn’t think that way though, would make things so much nicer!)

Post # 10
Member
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A friend of mine, his younger sister was actually tormented to the point of suicide because of how thin she was at the age of 15/16.  She was an amazing, beautiful gymnist and her whole family, including her two brothers were just natually skinny.  It’s so sad.

Post # 11
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

People consider it ok to comment on how tall and thin you are, while it’s not ok for you to comment on how short and fat they are, because if you are tall and skinny, you are considered by most women (and a lot of men) to have the “ideal” (i.e., model-like) body.  I am not fat, but I’m not skinny either, and I love when someone tells me I’m looking slim.

However, I don’t think it’s cool for strangers to comment on your lack of curves.  I guess it’s part of the cool/thin/model-body thing, but I can see why that would be hurtful to you.  Unfortunately, there ain’t much you can do about other people’s comments.

By the way, I don’t think there’s any cultures where it’s considered good to be short, and people comment on my shortness ALL THE TIME.  I’m just like, “Oh really?  I’m short?  Wow…. I never knew.  Thanks for letting me know.” 

Post # 12
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I used to get “DO YOU EAT?” and then I got “WOW, YOU FILLED OUT”

and then … well, it’s never good no matter who you are.

 

You develop thick skin. 🙂  Dealing with how others see my body is always the most difficult thing for me to deal with.

Post # 13
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I used to be a lot thinner so I got this a lot and it never bothered me. In our society being thin is a good thing (the thought being that you’re active and eat right whether ot not it’s true) so people don’t think anything of it when they say that you’re “skinny”. Whereas being overweight is associated with not caring about yourself, overeating, not exercising (again whether it’s true or not). This is why. It might not be fair, but it’s true. You don’t often find women who are thin eating themselves into oblivion with the hope of gaining a lot of weight, yet you’ll find women killing themselves not eating at all to be skinny.

My SO ran into a high school friend that he hadn’t seen in a while and said “You look so thin!” and she said “Thank you!”. When we got home, he was like “I didn’t really mean that as a compliment”…she looks like she’s starving herself, but because of the way that we view being thin as a society, she took it as a compliment.

I know personally I’d rather someone call me skinny than fat. I’m just being totally honest here. Does it make it right when someone says “OMG you’re stick thin!” No. But does it carry the same negative connotation as if someone says “Holy Cow you’re a fat lard!” Sure doesn’t!

 

Post # 14
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

At 5’11” and size 4/6 I got a LOT of those comments… especially at bridal salons. Some were nice “Wow, you could wear ANYTHING you wanted!” Others were said in a… trying to.. be nice… but.. wow your so tall and thin way. Um, I’m in the mid to upper BMI range… 

for some reason, people always like to talk about pants too… “Oh, if must be so nice to not have to hem your pants.” “Well, ya, it would be nice if I could FIND pants that actually fit and I could get any style I wanted. But no,I have to order online because they’re not carried in store and that new trendy style? Sorry, not offered in long/talll… so… excuse my lack of affection for pants and talking about them.” 

lol

Post # 15
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

It’s never okay to tell someone that she isn’t __________ enough. And it’s never okay to tell someone that they’re physically too __________ . What ever happened to “you look beautiful”, “I think you look incredible in that”, or even a heartfelt “you should wear those jeans more often, they totally show you off” between close girlfriends?
I for one will tell my children from an early age that one of the wonders of humanity is how many shapes and sizes we come in.

Post # 16
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

While I don’t agree it’s ok for either of those comments to be made, my take on it is they mean it as a compliment…Skinny & tall…two qualities that alot of women would like to be.  Espeically me…beings I’m short and chubby. lol  But I agree with you, it’s not ok for people to comment on those things.  I just think, if you’re going to look at both statements, skinny & tall can definitely be meant as a compliment, but I don’t think anyone here will argue with me when I say “oh my gosh, you’re so short and chubby” could ever be confused as a compliment. lol

If you feel the need to call people out on their rudeness, then do so, just try to remember they probably  mean it as a compliment. 

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