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Those book are right - any mention of gifts of any kind on your invitation is incredibly gauche. Are you throwing a wedding as a fundraising activity? That's what mentioning gifts - especially cash - on your wedding stationary will imply. The only place it is acceptable to mention gifts is your wedding website; otherwise it must be via word-of-mouth through your families.
There are lots of ways around this, but you have to be a little tricky. Many guests won't actually want to give you cash, depending on their generation, your culture and the region in which you live. You may want to register someplace where you can return gifts for cash - I think I've read that Bed, Bath and Beyond does this.
Also think about what you want the cash for. Are you saving for a down payment on a house? Let your parents and wedding party know this so they can spread the word.
I think it's really rude to register someplace with the intention that you'll return it for cash. I wouldn't register and just go with that.
Just be forewarned that your guests will probably get you gifts (frames, vases, etc.) whether or not you register.
For my wedding, I'd say that about 80% of guests bought stuff off the registry, while the remaining 20% was split between money and random gifts.
I think this largely depends on where you live/your culture/etc... I know where I live now (NYC area) and among mine and my fiance's families, it's most common to give cash. But where I went to school (New England), it was more common for people to give gifts. So that might influence how people react if you don't have a registry.
I think perhaps it might be best to spread the word informally through family and friends that you would like cash. Also if people notice that you are not registered they are probably going to ask you anyway, giving you an opportunity to let them know then. I think gift patterns are about your social group as well as regionally and culturally different. ChrissyM mentioned that people she knows in NYC give money and those in NE give gifts. I've found the exact opposite as my FI is from NE and money gifts are quite common in his circle. Arvee, you know your guests best, and I would let people know casually.
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I think you should register. We also are in our late twenties and well established but there were things we found that we could register for to make it easier for people. We are going to replace our everyday serving ware and build it up so we can serve more people. We got new sheets and bedspreads. I mean really we just kinda said what would we like that we wouldn't buy for ourselves unless _________ broke.
Another idea, which seems to be getting more popular is to register for a big ticket item, ie big screen tv and then giftcards. That way the people will know what their giftcard is going to. We also did that on one of our registries.
If I were shopping for a wedding and they did not have a registry, I would prob just get them a giftcard anyway.
We were also on the fence about registering. We were warned by many that if you don't register people will show up with random gifts. We registered for a smaller amout of things and included gift cards. This way once all of the registry is gone hopefully people will show up with cash or gift cards.
I don't think its correct to say anything about gifts on an invitation. We set up a wedding website that links to our registry and our parents have spread the word. Our invitations just went out a few weeks ago and we have already got gifts from people who found our registry on the website. Good luck!
yeah, we didnt put anything in the invitations about the registry. We did say " For information on hotel reservations, please visit our website at www.blahblah.com" Our registry info is on there too.
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If you are against recieving registry gifts I think the best thing to do is either do not register, or register for a few things that you like. This will cause guests to wonder and hopefully inquire into what you want and your parents/bridal party can then pass on your desire for cash.
I disagree with CarolineG's suggestion to register somewhere with the intention of returning the gifts. I think this is very tacky and hurtful to your guests who spent time and effort choosing your gift.
Another option as mentioned above is to register for a big ticket item that you are looking for (appliances, TV, etc). I'm not too sure how this works, but I'm sure it's definitly an option.
Keep in mind that people will buy you gifts of their choosing no matter what your do or do not register for. Be prepared :)
You might want to consider the charity option. My FI and I are in a similar position as you - we have our house and all the things inside, we also have our honeymoon paid for, so we decided to request charitable donations as we felt we were very fortunate to be in the position that we are in and that the money would be better be spent elsewhere. It's not for everyone, but it's certainly an option your guests will appreciate.
Good Luck!
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Ladies, I did not recommend she return the gifts for cash - I simply said that some brides go about it that way. There are several threads on this very board on the subject - go look.
I had the same dilemma. I would never put any registry information (If I had one) on my invitations, but I included an insert in the invitation with information on the hotel, driving directions, etc, and I added a link to our wedding website that includes registry info, but I just wrote "Since the couple have been cohabitating for several years, they did not register at any store" or something like that. I hope that was okay to write that...I figured, I'm not asking for money, but I'm also just being truthful that we don't need any household items and therefore did not register anywhere.
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I think it depends on what you want the money for. It helps to be able to say that you would rather have money because you are saving for a downpayment on a house, or saving up for new furniture, or something tangible but a big ticket item. This makes some people feel more comfortable about giving money.
I get the impression from your post, and this may come off as sounding like I misinterpreted it, that you do hope for/want gifts (which is totally fine), instead of asking people to not give gifts or doing a charity registry. Is it a concern that if you don't register, people will assume that you don't want a gift at all?
Have you looked into some of the more alternative registries out there, like at REI or Home Depot (somebody told me they do registries) which might fufill some of you non-kitchen related needs? There are also places that let you register for luggage, which might be something you could want for your honeymoon. You can also register at Target for different stuff than house stuff - one of my friends registered for video games. You could also check out the Alternative Gift Registry, which lets you list things you want or need that might not be available on a regular registry. http://www.alternativegiftregistry.org/index.php
My fiance and I are in a similar position. When we registered we went in with the intention of upgrading what we already have and planned for when we buy a bigger place. Right now we own a 1 bedroom condo and will hopefully be upgrading to a townhouse in our future. We registered with this in mind, i.e. guest room, guest bathroom, bigger kitchen...this gave us plenty of options while not registering for frivolous items.
We registered at Lowe's, since we have a lot of home improvement projects to undertake, and need all new kitchen appliances. Absolutely nobody bought us any of the things we registered for there; we did get a whole stack of gift cards, which was nice.
We also registered at Macy's, for quite a few high-end kitchen appliances. We are also not just starting out, and DH especially was adamant that we really had everything we could want or need. However, he also spend the whole weekend raving about our new Cuisinart food processor (we made 20 containers of pesto to freeze) which is sooooo much nicer than the off-brand, hand-me-down food processor that we had before. Yes, it was a food processor. Yes, it was perfectly serviceable. It was nowhere near as nice as what we have now. We packed up our old stuff and donated it to the local domestic violence shelter. We are also really happy with our new everyday dishes - service for 12 with all the serving pieces - and expect to be even happier at the holidays when we have a housefull of people whose plates all match!!
My sister didn't register for much, on the theory that she and her FI also already had everything they really needed. She got a whole houseful of crystal candlesticks and vases, a few of which she actually likes, most of which were not returnable. Yay, how exciting. If you don't tell people what you might need or want, you can expect to get stuff that you neither need nor want. And if you start thinking in terms of what you would really like to own, as opposed to what you already do own, I bet you can come up with a decent registry list.
We actually registered at Macy's so we could register for some more fun items :) We didn't really register for a lot so that way, we got some more cash gifts :)
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My fiance and I are in our late 20s, we both have our own place before we moved in together, and we pretty much have everything we need in our condo. We just recently moved in together and I think our place is well stocked with kitchen appliances, gadgets, linens etc. With that, there's really nothing we want or need for our place. I see that couples usually register for household items. Seriously we just prefer cash. I'm thinking of just skipping the gift registry and hope that our guests will get it that it's a tacit statement that we prefer money. I've seen invitations that mention that the couple prefer cash in lieu of gift items. I've also seen couples registering for their honeymoon trip. My future inlaws are taking care of our honeymoon as their wedding gift so honeymoon registry will be out of the options. Mentioning anything about gifts especially money in an invitation is pretty tacky, according to etiquette guides.
Should I just skip registering for gifts and hope that people will get it?