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eat what you want!! I am doing the same! I am eating something that was not offered to my guest.
I say its your wedding. do it
You know what, I always hate the tenderloin at every party I've been to. I cannot stand how it's cooked either. You reminded me. It actually makes me not like filet for a long time after I eat it.
Maybe I should forget the filet too? Seriously I really love a delmonico steak well done and charred. Wish I could serve that!!! Fiance thought I was nuts when I told him and said we're just having filet. Lol.
You can do what you want, I just want to offer a different perspective :). I would try to not do that, if your guests see you eating something different and better than them, they will be insulted. Here is a link on an etiquette forum for the guests' perspective:
http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=55827.0
I'm not trying to be the etiquette police around here today, I apologize if I'm coming off that way! :)
Maybe you could just surround your plate with flowers so nobody will see! Lol. I do agree but I'm torn. While I feel that the bride should be able to eat whatever she wants, if guest see that they are not given the choice to eat the same dinner as the bride, it will be take as really rude.
... but if you want to give them something to talk about ... haha
Ok I'm just kind of confused. Is the problem that you do not like filet when it's cooked in bulk? If so then crap...I just RSVP'd to a wedding with a check next to filet! Anyway, if that is the case, then I think you should eat what you want as long as you're certain they will cook it to your liking. I'm a filet snob so I get it :) I don't think too many people are going to go up to you while you're eating and inquire why you have something different. I, for one, have never seen what the bride or groom eat during the reception. Mostly because um...I don't care? Just put a big thing of flowers on the table and no one will be able to see you.
@EAQ219- I personally have never had a problem with filet at weddings..it's usually cooked medium which is fine (I'm more of a rare med rare person but whatever I'm at a wedding not Ruths Chris). It is just that at weddings I have noticed that people majorly complain about the filets, and I made a mental note to not serve filet at my wedding. I however love filet. How many times can I say filet in this post?
On the one hand, I'm not sure I'd notice. But on the other hand, I don't know if I like the sounds of having something different. If you were having a party at your home, would you offer everyone chicken parm, while you had lobster?
I could really understand if you had an unusal allergy or terrible pickiness....
I don't know. If it was me, I would just choose from what the guests were being offered.
I think that the chicken and salmon dinners are delish too so it isn't that I am giving myself something "better". I just know my guests would rather have grey goose over stoli vs filet over chicken and budget wise I couldn't afford to upgrade the bar AND have filet.
I've actually never given the whole subject any thought until someone brought it up in another thread. I've also never checked out what the bride and groom were eating, in fact I've always assumed they had l surf-n-turf or something.
I feel like it's common to hear from brides after the wedding that they were so busy greeting people, dancing, and being a happy beautiful bride that it was hard to find time to sit down and actually eat anything. With this in mind, what if you asked the venue to arrange for your lobster and filet mignon to be waiting for you back in your hotel room? That might not work depending on your logistics, but it seems like in the whirl of the evening you may not actually notice what you have in front of you!
I'm gonna agree with your decision to upgrade the bar rather than serve the filet. If your friends/guests are anything like mine, they will be more impressed with the liquor selection than the food. Not that everyone's a raging alcoholic, but as we've gotten older (late 20s, early 30s), we've developed liquor preferences. Anyway - definitely serve yourself the filet/lobster. I second MsHymanRoth's suggestion of hiding it with flowers. If anyone dare asks, can you say that it is the reception site's policy to upgrade the bride and groom's meals?
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Humm...the hotel does upgrade our room-we get the penthouse for the night so maybe people will think they upgrade our meal. LOL. Everyone is going to end up in our massive room after the reception. I just know it! Totally different subject.
I kind of feel like it's a slap in the face to your guests to serve them something and serve yourself something else. You wouldn't invite someone to your house and serve them pasta and have a big steak for yourself. And if the chicken and salmon are sooo delicious, why can't you just eat one of those? If you can't have steak for everyone, you shouldn't have steak for yourself.
.
<<If you can't have steak for everyone, you shouldn't have steak for yourself.>>
I think my guests are out of nursery school.
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I have to agree with the other posters; you should eat what your guests are eating. If you'd like something else later, have it in your room. Do please read the info on etiquettehell.com that Natakie16 posted. People do feel slighted, even if you don't intend for them to feel that way, even if the chicken and salmon is delicious, etc. It's one meal in your life, and a meal that you probably won't get to eat much of. I'd veer towards graciousness and the comfort and consideration of guests on this issue.
I think you should eat the same thing that's being served to your guests. If people see you eating something different (and more extravagent) than what they're having they're definitely going to have some things to say.
Ditto. I know you're the bride, but you should eat what everyone else is serving. It makes you look hoity toity to your guests like you don't care that they got downgraded on food, even if you did upgrade their bar.
Serve chicken. Filet's such a picky thing for everyone. And stuffed chicken is so yummy.
You wouldn't host a party and then eat somethign different than the dinner you made, would you? I take the same stance for hosting a wedding
While I agree that it's your day and you can do what you want, I wouldn't eat a meal choice different than my guests (unless I was a vegan or vegetarian or something.) If I were a guest and saw the bride eating filet and lobster in all honesty I would think it was a little rude and would probably comment about it to my FI. Just my opinion!
I am just floored at all of the people who would be offended. REALLY??!! I've seen it done, and I never gave it a second thought. Like I said, the only reason I asked is because someone on the boards mentioned it. I thought for sure everyone would think it was a simple, petty thing to be offended about. LOL. I guess I was wrong! I'm still undecided but that you all for your opinions.
And yet, don't we as brides get really upset when guests don't RSVP in a timely manner or RSVP to us instead of FMIL or MOB or people unrelated to the guest list and stuff like that? They'd probably think "wow what a petty thing for her to get upset about. Why does it matter that I RSVP'ed via the groom's mother instead of her?" etc
Weddings are two way streets I guess.
But now I want steak!!! Yummy.
I wouldn't be offended because, quite honestly, I wouldn't me looking to see what the bride and groom are eating. I'd be engaged in convo with my table and enjoying what was served to me. I definitely wouldn't notice unless the bride and groom stood up and said that they were eating something different. At the same time, however, is topshelf something that will be appreciated by your guests or could they not care less? I think my guests would notice but would be fine with premium shelf.
I plan on eating something from the same menu as our guests, but in all honesty, I have never noticed what the bride and groom are eating! I've made my way to many a sweetheart table, and I never look at their plates, haha. I'm just too happy for the couple and too busy giving them hugs and kisses to notice. :)
@Gabgal-yes my friends/family will love the top shelf bar. It is a crowd of drinkers-not drunks-but a definate grey goose martini crowd-not that they would have scoffed at the premium bar but I just know everyone would appreciate the upgrade and with all of the filet complaints I've heard over the years I thought it was a good trade off.
Clarification. Would I be offended? No. Would I say something to my FI or to my sister/close girlfriend about it? Yes. Maybe I'm just gossipy/catty, though!
It's just a matter of being a good hostess. Yes, it's your special day, but you're HOSTING a party for your GUESTS. A good hostess would never, ever serve herself something better than she serves her guests, because a good hostess would serve to her guests something so delicious that she would also want to eat it.
I know a lot of brides are like "It's MY day, I'll do what *I* want." I just find that attitude completely appalling. The people you are inviting to your wedding are supposed to be your family and friends that you care about! So while you might think it's petty, I think it's more than evident that some of them might be offended that you decided to serve them food that you obviously couldn't deign to eat yourself.
amandolpois-I *would* eat the dinners my guest are eating. The wedding coordinator at the hotel said "the bride and groom have their choice between this this and this to eat-think about what you want." Some of these choices are nowhere on the menu for guests.You are really being overdramatic about the whole thing. I'm sure my mom/friends/family know that I love them even if I eat steak and they have chicken. Also, I have not ever said "Its my day im doing what I want!" Where do you see in my post that I ever say that? I'm simply asking for opinions- (which will be different than mine for sure)
I think its a decent tradeoff...just be discrete (although if we are talking lobster tail I am not sure how discrete or-eek-how clean that could be.) If someone does ask you, you could always say, "this is what the caterer brought to us. What a lovely surprise! Would you like a bite?" That should quiet any grumblers.
I also haven't looked through the followups much but hopefully you are having a sweetheart table. I do think it would be bad form to do this if you were having a head table or sitting with parents etc.
Ps Bees...let's not let this site turn into another wedding board site that isn't so pleasant. Turn up the nice factor :)
heather25 - I don't think anyone isn't being nice so far. The OP asked for opinions and they were stated with some suggestions.
@mrsbtobe my last post was on the sarcastic side. I changed it. LOL-I'm just sarcastic I can't help it.
@flamingred - hehe..no problem..I must have missed it! I do think that your entree selections sound delicious! Good luck with this decision!
@flamingred no offense intended!! i just feel probably unnecessarily passionate about etiquette- it's my downfall!
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@Amandopolis, I like the way you phrase that! I was raised a very specific way, to believe certain things are just done the RIGHT way no matter what (sometimes I just can't let it go either!), and my FI calls it uptight sometime, but I call it not-hoosier, LoL. It's my California side peeking out. I'm going to tell him that i'm just unecessarily passionate about things from now on. 
flamingred, honestly, I think it's probably safer to eat what the guests are eating, and treat yourself and your FI to a nice surf-and-turf dinner during the honeymoon. I think this thread and the etiquettehell thread Natakie16 posted show that serving yourselves a "better" entree that wasn't available to the rest of the guests can definitely rub people the wrong way (even if the chicken and salmon are both really good, it's obvious that steak and lobster is more expensive than either of those options).
Personally I've never taken a good look at what the bride and groom are eating, so maybe this is really common and I just haven't noticed!
I do think it puts out the idea that your guests aren't worth the extra $5 for the filet mignon. Yes, yes I see your point! Top shelf bar & valet parking-- you're spoiling them already. Sadly people don't always notice or realize those little things...
I wouldn't be offended, but I would say something to my FI or friend. I'm catty too because I'd definitely be like "Can you believe they did that? I spent $125 on that place setting!"
It's always best to go with the crowd, especially when all eyes are on you!
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Every time I go to a wedding, people always complain about the way the filet is cooked. I'm not a big complainer, but I have taken notice. Instead of serving filet, I'm going to go with (choice of) stuffed chicken or stuffed salmon(included in the four course dinner), and upgrade my open bar to tippity top shelf with the money I would have spent on filet for dinner. My question is: the wedding coordinator said I can have what I want for dinner. Do you think it's rude if I eat filet/lobster combo? lol. I don't think anyone would notice but I was just wondering if anyone would be offended. Oh yes-we are also paying for the guests valet parking.
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