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We didn't do either of these traditions during our ceremony. We just wanted to keep things kind of "short and sweet" and created our own ceremony with our officiant's help. No one mentioned anything to us, so I don't think it was a big deal.
As a wedding planner you can skip thesse forms of ceremony. They are just symbols but It like a mini representation of 2 hearts being joined as one. Instead of these ceremony why not incorporate cultural traditions into your wedding. E.g feeding each other bread, or breaking a glass, jumping over a broom stick, driniking wine.
I don't think we are going to do either the unity candle or the sand ceremony. The sand ceremony sounds good in theory but I'm pretty clutzy and I know at some point the sand will get spilled or the glass vase get broken. As for the unity candle, my mom passes away 5 and a half years ago and I have two sisters-in-law and four aunts and I would feel really weird about picking just one of them to stand in for my mom.
What I want to do his have my FMIL do a meaningful reading during the ceremony.
Actually, our priest said that he would not allow additional ceremonies like unity candles unless it was a cultural thing (like the lasso and the jaras for a Latino wedding). I think these ceremonies are popular, but not necessary, so nobody will notice if you don't have one.
No candles or sand for us! However, we are honoring the Native American part of my heritage by doing a honoring the 4 directions ceremony.
we wont be doing any type of 'tradition' at our ceremony, like jessie516 were keeping it 'short and sweet' the only think we are doing is short vows for one another but no candles, sand, rocks, string etc...
we aren't doing any unity candle/wine/etc ceremony. keeping it very simple.
We're skipping it too! It's a very new tradition and not necessary.
Unity rituals, though lovely and personal and fun, are not a required part of a wedding ceremony - in fact, most places, the only requirement is that you, at some point, agree to marry the other person.
I have never wanted the unity candle thing ever since I saw a friend of mine (back in college) catch her nail on fire doing that.
Sand? Not sure about that either unless we're at the beach.
We are not doing either of them, I am a major klutz and just see the sand toppling all over, or catching my dress on fire...we'll just keep it simple and sweet.
I'm not doing the unity candle or the sand either. I just attended a wedding where they did sand and they took turns pouring the sand it, and it... took... forever. Instead, we are doing a "wish stone" type deal where everyone makes a well wish for the couple (kind of cheesy I know) and places a stone into a vase. Then, during the ceremony, my FH and I will place our stones into the vase and it will represent us coming together, but also everyone who was present on our special day. Just a little something different...
my best friend skipped it but i don't think anyone noticed. i only knew because i helped her plan the wedding and we had discussed the logistics beforehand. if you're not feeling it, just leave it out. no worries!
we have battled over this for awhile, org. we were going to do it simply because all of our family has, then we realized they've all had church wedding and are pretty tradition in general.... we however are not. not at all so we've decided to skip it! The fiance is still trying to convince me to replace this portion of the ceremony with a 'party popper' ceremony.
We aren't doing a candle or the sand ceremony. My fiancee insisted that we jump the broom and I have been against it until up about a month ago. I thought it was overdone, but when I did the research, I felt that it really would be cool, considering our story (it's a same sex ceremony which is not legal in this state; in the times of slavery, slaves would jump the broom and would be considered married in the eyes of their loved ones as it was not legal to marry another slave). So, I've come around on the whole idea. My friend did the sand ceremony--I thought it was nice. They had a bare bones wedding, so it wasn't overkill.
We're not planning on doing either of those either, short and simple for us!
We aren't doing any 'unity' symbolism, as I am a total spaz and will probably spill sand, light something on fire etc.
Instead we are doing a "bouquet of life" which involves our wedding party and parents adding a single flower to a vase, then our officiant explaining how these people contribute to our lives as a couple.
We are not doing a unity candle, sand, or any other symbolic ritual. Initially I wanted to san san kudo (I am Japanese) but decided it would simply take too long. The unity candle is actually a rather new 'custom' in weddings; it became popluar in the 90's, I read due to it's inclusion in soap opera weddings, of all things. So I don't think it would be an issue excluding some such thing from your wedding. Besides, I don't know anyone who has ever said that the unity candle is what touched them most during a ceremony. I think the shorter and sweeter the ceremony, the better. Guests want to get on to the party!
We are not including these in our ceremony, and I am sure everyone in the ceremony will b glad because the less we do the sooner they can drink some beer!
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I don't even know what the sand thing is, and we are definitely not doing the unity candle. Most people seem to do it, but I certainly wouldn't feel there was something missing if I went to a wedding and it wasn't done. I'd actually be impressed because somebody had dared to think for themselves! My feeling is that rituals are beautiful if they mean something to you, and pointless otherwise. Avoiding catching nails, hair, veils etc. on fire is also an important consideration. :-)
We are not incorporating any kind of tradition like the unity candle or sand ceremony. The main reason is that my mother is the most anti-unity candle person ever. She said she didn't want to do it and I was okay with that too. My MOH did one at her ceremony and everyone was just confused about when to go and what to do. I think you will be ok doing whatever is right for you and your FI and people will understand!
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We're not doing it either... I understand the meaning behind it, but it's really just a time waster IMO. We don't need colored sand to remind us that our two hearts & lives have been joined.
I've only seen the sand done at one ceremony & it turned me off of it forever. The bride & groom took FOREVER to pour the sand into their vase because apparently someone forgot the funnel. At first we all giggled at their clumsiness, but then it was like (5 minutes later) really? you still haven't figured it out? lol
Skipped it; I've seen too many Unity Candles that refuse to light. We did the German Wedding Cup to honor our German heritage, but that was it. http://www.german-toasting-glasses.com/german_wedding_cups.html
We didnt do either. Its old and over done, we just wanted to keep it short and sweet.
Apparently I've been at a bunch of weddings with Unity Candles and never noticed them. So I doubt anyone will notice or care if I skip it at mine! We're already vowing to stay together with our words, so I just don't know what fire or sand would really add.
We don't want to do either the candle or the sand. But I feel like I need something to spice up the ceremony a little, since we're not having any readings or songs. FMIL suggested that each mom have a rose and they put it in a vase with our rose...but that would take like 2 seconds and just seems anti-climatic. I love the above idea about the bouquet of life flowers from the parents and WP, but I'm wondering if it would take too much time for the officiate to explain why all those people are meaningful to us?? Any ideas?
Im skipping the whole traditional Unity Candle thing too and replacing it with the love letter and wine box ceremony.
You place your favorite bottle of wine (champagne) , 2 wine glasses, (or anything you want) and you write each other a love letter and instead of lighting a "Unity candle" you quickly place your love letters in the box and close/lock it then on OUR 1st anniversary we celebrate by reading our love letters for the 1st time since the wedding over a glass of wine. tada!! done!
Im just looking for a box now!! lol
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SKIPPED IT!
There are 3 things that come to my mind when I hear unity "Unity Candle"
1)My friend that used hers for target practice last year.
2) The church that burned down because of one.
3) It's something that we would try to keep safe, but eventually it will fall off a shelf, break, and I'll be devestated.
I asked our minister if we had to have it. He said "absolutely NOT". So we skipped it!
seemed to use like a new age hippy thing so we did not! I have no clue what you would do with it afterwards besides let it sit on a shelf and settle down to a nice mixed brown colored bottle of sand. Can you preserve that cool mix you do on the day? How do you even get that?
We didnt even have a table where our ceremony was held so we had nothing besides vows and rings.
Countless weddings skip the unity candle, wine ceremony, sand ceremony, etc. The ceremony itself is about unity so the mini-ceremonies are redundant in a way. I've been to a ton of weddings in my life and have only seen any of the above listed mini-ceremonies (a unity candle) in real life once and that was a the beginning of this year.
I'm not personally a fan of any of them, and FH is slightly weirded out by them and hasn't seen them in real life either. But we may have a toned down handfasting, if anything. Undecided at the moment on that one.
We didn't do it. We did a flower exchange instead.. were we walked over and gave each of our mothers a rose. It was really sweet.
@Allyser: Ahhh!!! Love that! Did you each give the other's mom a rose or your own mom? I think I would really like to honor my FI's mom that way, since she raised such a great guy.
Coming from an event coordinator's assistant, feel free to skip candles, sand, etc. The guests get you are getting married... no need to spend 5 minutes attempting to light candles and mixing sand without creating a mess. Trust me, most of the time the guests get completely bored and distracted unless things go very quickly during these non-religous rituals.
I have found that religious and cultural rituals are the only things that keep guest's attention because they are something they may have not seen before or that have certain significance to those family members/friends.
If anyone finds that one of these rituals are something important and signifying for your relationship, go for it... but just remember to practice some pre-mixing with ALL of the necessary materials in the rehearsal and if anyone's thinking of doing unity candles i recommend pre-burning all wicks so that they catch quickly!
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Has anyone skipped this part of the ceremony? We are considering omitting it from ours. It isn't a traditional part of the ceremony, and I have seen many unity candle lightings gone wrong.
Just wasnted to see if anyone noticed that you left it out, or if it was no big deal.