Post # 1
My dad has a wonderful habit of embarrassing me to no end. He has a habit of insulting people without knowing it, and drifting off to talking about the favorite child in the family (not me) in every single conversation. I really don’t want him to give a toast at our wedding because I know I will either be embarrassed by it or it will end up being a tribute to the favorite child (so glad they could come, etc, etc). Add to that the fact that I don’t like being the center of attention and I’ve gotten bullied into a ginormous wedding, and we’re talkin’ serious anxiety folks. What should I do? Can we just have the best man give a speech and call it a day? The maid of honor is already not speaking because she is super anxious around crowds. What can I do that will hurt the fewest people’s feelings?
Post # 3
Is your Dad paying for the wedding? B/c in that case you really can’t stop him from making a speech. But you can talk to him beforehand about it and tell him how you feel about being embarrased by certain things and how your feelings are hurt when he always talks about favorite sibling. And hope for the best!
Otherwise, if he’s not paying, just instruct the DJ or Bandleader not to give him or anyone besides the accepted list the microphone. Tell the DJ/Bandleader to say to anyone who asks for it that he has to clear it with you first and you already have a schedule of speeches laid out that you have alloted time for.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
My FSIL sounds similar…she doesn’t think before she speaks and spews offensive/shocking/horrible words at any given moment–and even more so when she has an audience (She thinks she’s funny…I think she’s insulting).
She’s going to be on Fi’s side of the wedding party and will want to give a speech, but we’re going to lay down ground rules with her. We’re telling her that we don’t want any embarrassing stories and we just want something nice and (hopefully) sincere. We’re also going to tell her that we’ll have to read over and approve of her speech before she gives it.
A little extreme? Maybe. But after hearing some of the things she said this Thanksgiving, it’ll be necessary to give me peace of mind.
Maybe you could try a version of what we’re doing with your dad?
Post # 5
I was worried about this, too, but we decided to let dad toast anyway. Just before the wedding, I was angsting about it to my friend, and she said that her dad had embarrassed her at her wedding, her best friend’s dad had embarrassed her at her’s… for those of us with embarrassing dads, it can be a rite of passage.
As it turned out, my dad decided to devote a significant portion of his toast to my ex-boyfriends. It was SO EMBARRASSING, but for me, it was better than hurting my family’s feelings by saying my dad couldn’t give a toast, and nobody thought it was any reflection on me. I don’t know your situation well enough to say, but if you let him toast and he embarrasses you, it won’t be the end of the world. You’ll be angry, but you won’t really have time to focus on it, and it might be a funny story later.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Make him write it before hand, and get your approval. Then hire a bouncer with a copy of the speech, and if your dad starts to deviate, have the bouncer take him out in dramatic fashion. 🙂
But really… good luck with this. Definitely talk to him about it beforehand.
Post # 7
We skipped both the toast(s) and champagne and not a single person noticed.
They were too into their beer and wine!
Congrats and good luck!
Post # 8
Don’t have anybody give a toast. My FI is asking his dad to be his bestman and his dad doesn’t do so well at public speaking so I said nobody in the wedding party will do a speech, that way his dad doesn’t feel weird if my MOH does one and he doesn’t. I think that FI & I will just do a toast thanking our parents for supporting us throughout our lives, and thanking everyone for joining us on our special day.
Post # 9
I think that’s one of those traditions that isn’t a “must” anymore. We’re not having toasts, we’re not even doing a dance. This day is about your fiance’ and you – do what YOU want to do! But I agree with ModernDaisy – if your dad is helping finance the affair then you can’t really stop him (or atleast it would be rude to!). Every family is different though I guess. Good luck!
Post # 10
We didn’t do toasts for just that reason. They’re embarassing for the bride and groom and pretty boring for everyone else.
Post # 11
We are not doing any parental toasts because we are concerned about my fiance’s father doing similar things (he is very repetitive and insulting without realizing it, and constantly puts my fiance down. I think he thinks it’s funny and a good joke, but it just comes off as cruel). Just tell them you don’t like weddings where toasts go on forever so you are just having the best man do a toast and that’s it.
We’ll probably have best man/maid of honour and then we’ll do a quick thank you speech.
Post # 12
Thanks for all the input ladies! Our wedding costs will be split in thirds: my parents, his parents, and us, so we only *sort of* have that hanging over our heads. I was blessed with parents who are really laid back with wedding plans and would have preferred for us to elope, so I don’t think my dad will mind, but I just didn’t want to be the only person to ever ask for just one speech and seem rude… you know??
I think we’ll go forward with the best man speech and then a quick thank-you speech from us. Thanks all!
Post # 13
I think we’re pretty comfortable with allowing our parents, the best man, and the MOH. If they manage to sneak in some less than memorable remarks, I guess we’ll have to deal with. We refuse to have an open mic. Saw this at a wedding once and it wasn’t pretty at all.
Post # 14
I am contemplating not having toasts/speeches. We are not having a DJ and doing an Itunes recption and we will have a mic so I don’t know how we would control it other than instruction to the DOC. Just wanted to bump this thread and see if anyone else is considering “no toasts” and get some more input.