(Closed) Sleeping on the couch. Might have overreacted

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m gussing you are extrmely pissed off at this moment, because it seems kind of silly and irrerational to cancel your wedding over that. I think once you calm down a bit maybe you guys can address issues around boundaries again! In the meantime perhaps sleeping on the couch is good to give you a little space.

Post # 4
Member
516 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t really think you’re overreacting. I would be upset too. Yes, it’s not really a good idea to call him names but you called him an idiot, big deal. That is not the worst thing in the world.

I don’t think you should change your plans though. I’m sure as soon as he saw what it was, he (hopefully) closed the picture really quick and didn’t take too good of a look at it..and even if he did, it’s not the end of the world. It’s all just tradition. 🙂 20 years from now, you WON’T care that he saw your dress before the wedding day…but you very well might care that you didn’t have the wedding you planned.

Post # 5
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

To be honest, I think you are overreacting slightly. Obviously it was important to you that he didn’t see you in your wedding dress before the wedding, but I don’t think it’s worth calling off the wedding for. It’s upsetting, definitely, and he shouldn’t have kept looking at photos of you in the dress, knowing that it’s something you wouldn’t want.

Having said that, though, how is he ‘accidentally’ snooping through your stuff? Unless you had these old emails up on the computer, or the photos open on the main screen of the iPad when he started playing it, how did he accidentally find them??

Post # 6
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

It’s obvious your boy has major trust issues. Whether they are warranted or not, I’m not sure, but this isn’t something that will just go away once you’re married. I think you definitely need to talk to him. He should be able to control himself.

I totally understand why you’re so upset about the dress pictures. That is so disappointing! Try not to let it ruin this experience for you, though. He saw you in your dress, but only in teeny tiny phone pictures. It’ll be a complete different look on the day of, when your hair and makeup is done, and emotions are over-flowing.

Apologize for the idiot remark (to smooth things over) but tell him how upset and sad you are that he ruined a very special surprise with his snooping. Good luck. 

Post # 10
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Honestly I think you areoverreacting about him seeing the dress. He won’t remember what it looks like in the long run and you will be gorgeous and bridal the day of. 

I do think you have a right to be upset about the invasions of privacy though. It sounds like you set clear boundaries due o past concerns and he sort of ignored that. And it’s a pattern at this point, which needs to be fixed or it will continue to disrupt your lives. Maye when yiu’ve cooled down a big that may need to be addressed again?

Post # 11
Member
439 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s strange that he googles you and your email address. I would never think oh let’s google FI to see what he’s been up to online. And I don’t think your posts on a message board would be very high on the goog,e search results. It seems like something you would really have to look for. 

You shouldn’t have called him an idiot, but he also should be googling you, reading your emails etc.

Post # 12
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@MrsTimmy:  Ok when I read your first post I was like…. Whoa, slOw down cupcake, take a breath, it will be ok! 

Then I kept reading and I get it. I would be fumeing. I don’t think its him seeing the pictures that’s upsetting you ( ok a bit) it’s closer to the seeming lack of trust/ security he has, and  the blatant boundry violations he keeps committing. I think on that aspect you are NOT over reacting. The dress is just a symptom of the over all problem.  I’m sorry.

 

Post # 13
Member
2336 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Even though I think you may be reacting just a bit, I would also be very upset about my FI seeing me in my dress before our wedding.

But don’t get too upset- he’s a guy. Ask him in a month what it looks like, and he probably won’t remember anything other than ‘white’. 🙂

That being said, i would be EXTREMELY unhappy about him going through my stuff. Like… if my FI just happened to be flipping through my pictures one day? Not a big deal. But if this is an ONGOING issue? I’d probably be really mad just over the fact that he was going through my stuff AGAIN.

The fact that he took it off somewhere to snoop in it while claiming to work on a ‘crossword’ also would really annoy me.

This sounds like a pretty big issue in your relationship. If you guys are doing premarital counseling (honestly it’s a great idea for everyone, even if there aren’t any real ‘issues’ in their relationship) it’s something I’d bring up during a session.

Post # 15
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It would be a good idea for him to see someone about his trust issues and inability to respect boundaries. Googling you isn’t necessarily a problem (I Googled my husband a few months ago and found his HS track scores — aww!), but your husband seems more to be looking for trouble.

Post # 16
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i don’t think i’d cancel the wedding over him seeing a pic of you in your dress.  the major red flag here is that he obviously has trust issues.  googling your email address?  who is he, veronica mars?  that’s pretty heave. i would be furious.  it obviously isn’t something new and it isn’t likely to change. 

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