Post # 1
I’m on vacation with S/O and his family as well as a few family friends. Everyone (including S/O and I) are chipping in for the cost of a week long vacation rental. Tonight as we’re going to bed S/O’s mom says, “Ok Carolinabelle, you’re in here” and tells S/O to share a room with one of the family friends. I think she could probably tell from my face that I was not happy with the arrangement, but I didn’t say anything and am now laying in bed, alone.
S/O and I live together and share a life together. It’s hard for me to sleep without him and I’m a little embarrased by the way that it was handled. I know his mom doesn’t believe in “living in sin” and if/when we go to her home e.g. for the holidays or something I totally understand and am okay with sleeping separtely until we are married – it is after all, HER home. Her rules. But this is a rental for which I am paying my part of, we are not guests, we are equal contributers. For this reason, I think it was pretty out of line for her to demand that we sleep separately. So what are your opinions? Am I overreacting? Should I suck it up for the next 7 days? Actually I hate confrontation, so I already know I’ll suck it up and put on my happy face. I’d never cause a scene over it because I want his family to like me. However, I’m thinking of telling S/O that after this, I’m just going to decline going on family vacations until he and I are married or at least engaged and our relationship can be recognized and respected. Is that out of line? Would you bees just let it go?
Post # 3
Hmmm…maybe tomorrow night SO can tell his mom that he was uncomfortable sleeping without you and you guys want to sleep together for the remainder of the trip. If she has a problem, he can pull out the “we’re paying for our share” part. I don’t know…I guess it all depends on everyone’s personalities and how much she will budge.
Post # 4
How awkward. I would be pissed if I were paying for a part of the rental, too.
Post # 5
Agree with PP, have your SO handle it. This would piss me off- you have the right because you are paying for your own share.
Post # 6
@carolinabelle: Hmm, my DH and I would sleep in separate rooms when we were on trips with his family while we were dating and engaged even though we lived together because we didnt want to make anyone uncomfortable plus he’s the oldest and didnt want to set a bad example for his siblings. That being said, we were always on the same page. How does your SO feel about it? If he wants to respect his mother than you should be on his team but if he also wants to share a room with you than maybe he can pull his mom aside and mention that you guys are adults and you will be sharing a room from here on out.
Post # 7
I would have him deal with it if you really want to sleep together, but honestly, I think it’s pretty standard to assume that you’d be sleeping separately when the whole family is there.
But honestly, if you’re not happy, tell her. Otherwise she may think she can push you around for the rest of your lives together.
Post # 8
I agree with the ladies who’ve suggested having your fiancé deal with her if you want to do anything about it.
FWIW, my DH and I slept in seperate beds when we went to visit his family even though we were living together and engaged. Even now that we’re married I still sleep in his sister’s old room rather than share the full-size bed in his old room. We wouldn’t sleep well in a full bed. Plus, it just seems wierd to me for some reason even now and we’re married.
I get being upset since it’s a rental you’re paying into but you have to ask yourself if it’s a hill you want to die on by raising the issue. Also, is it possible the family friends don’t take too kindly to the living in sin thing and she’s trying to be respectful of them?
Post # 9
She’s prolly just used to old habits. If it’s important to you then have your so say something
Post # 10
I would suck it up but thas me, i would be worried of offending his mother and her being hard to deal with later down the road when weddings happen its great to have mom on ur side …. moms always love me lol