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ugh. that's annoying. it sounds like he's trying to make himself feel better about not giving "enough". i hate when people put you in an awkward situation just to make themselves feel good.
Ya i just don't say anything and kinda stare at him,.... if he thinks i'm gonna be all like O that's ok, he's wrong, it's not really ok so i'm not going to say it is.
It's possible that he feels guilt from all the stuff he's given the other son(s) but more likely is that he keeps wanting acknowledgment that what he gave was enough. Not to sound like totally mean or anything, but if his own son expected more based on the types of gifts he's given the others, he probably just wants reassurance that the smaller amount he gives that son is ok.
If I were you, I'd tell him that you really appreciate the gift, send a gracious thank you note and if he keeps bugging you about it, tell him that you are seriously very happy so there's no need to feel guilty. It should solve the situation for both of you--just make sure your husband doesn't expect equal gifts as his spoiled brothers anymore, either.
Good luck with this! I have known people like this... its really difficult to understand sometimes how people can act this way!
Yeah, it sounds like your FIL is just trying to justify what he gave...maybe he knew you were expecting more.
There's not much you can do about it expect thank him for what he gave you and ignore his defensive disclaimers. That is irritating!
Yup, I've known people like this as well! The troublemaker children are constantly rewarded for their bad behavior by the parents bailing them out, buying new cars to replace the ones they wrecked, etc.
If you've already thanked him for the gift it is awkward when he keeps bringing it up - like you're supposed to thank him over and over or something. Maybe this is horrible, but a part of me feels like if he knows he shorted you a bit, the more appropriate solution is for him to give you an appropriate amount, not to keep nagging you to ok the amount he obviously feels guilty about.
Assuming you've already thanked him graciously at least once and will send him a thank-you note, I would try to change the subject when he brings it up.
If you are gracious and thank him for this, and assure him that he gave plenty, I'm sure it will make him feel a lot better. Parents don't always give equally to their children, but the good parents will make up for that in other ways and other times. He sounds like a good person, is the gift really worth getting upset over?
I haven't done my thank you notes yet, so the formal thank you is still hanging out there.. I think whats so hard is before the wedding he basically told DH that he wanted to give more but spent it.. I wasn't around for that one.. so it bothers him a lot more. I truthfully don't care, if he feels guilty that's his problem, he should have saved it instead of blown it. I'm thankful for what he gave but I dont think I need to coddle him just cause he feels bad. Maybe that makes me a B**** but I am kinda fed up with the crap my DH has had to deal with because of his father and brothers.
@Circus Peanut, right on That's exactly how I feel.
@lilyfaith, not really upset, it's just a little akward and it hurts my DH so that's why it hurts me.
P.S. his family is so screwy to begin with so I think that's what makes this harder.
Maybe if you send him a thank you note you can put a "lid" on all of it and everyone can move on.
hahahahaha i love bvig's answer. I know you probably can't say it... but man is that a great response
Ya my mom keeps telling us to say o whenever you have the rest that you wanted to give us that'd be fine...haha
I just keep shut
Sounds like papa knows he spent the money and is feeling guilty for doing so thats why he keeps apologizing ;( which can be anoying. Tell him its ok and if he wants to make up for it he can buy you a house hahah JUST KIDDING!
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Wedding is over, it was great, everyone was crazy generous with their gifts but...
ok I know i'll probably be sounding like a spoiled brat, but here it goes
FIL keeps bringing up his wedding present to us. He gave us some cash, and 2 season passes to Mountain Creek for skiing. A fine gift, probably not as much cash as I we were expecting only because he is generally a very generous person so we thought we'd get a little more.
He is constantly buying things, and just booked a ski trip to Colorado. He also bought a pair of skiis for his other son, that other son doesn't want them because they don't match his outfit. (he has 4 sons, including my Hubby). The other son he's given tons of money to over the years for court fees and such since he's a trouble maker.
Anyway that's just an idea to tell you his personality. Generally throwing money left and right, not something I agree with because two of his sons take advantage, but nothing I can do about that.
Ok so my whole point.. he keeps saying how he wanted to give us more but just couldn't afford to and keeps bringing it up, he's brought it up like 3 times since the wedding. I'm sorry if he feels bad but maybe he shouldn't have kept spending the wedding money he wanted to give us in the first place. It just irritates me because the gift was ok, he should have just dropped it, but bringing it up all the time upsets my husband.
I'm not sure if that really made sense but its just annoying. Just give the gift and be quiet, you don't get credit for actions you "wanted or thought" about doing only those that you actually do.