Post # 1
So first off let me say I’ve very thankful for my family pitching in towards our wedding.
which is half, the other the FI and I are paying for. this is AWESOME.
So my aunt gave a very large wedding check as a present for us. even more blessed.
This morning my mom lets me know that she wants me to use that check and subtract it from their contribution and they’ll eventually give it to me, prob. in 1-2 years. this amount is 1/3 of her budget. She wants more liquid cash in her bank account, understandable.
Ok this sucks a little b/c my Aunt was so gracious but now her gift isn’t going to be used for a gift at all since my mom has claimed this money to be subtracted from her contribution.
Like I said not ungrateful but frustrated, If I knew my this 6 months ago some things, also which my mom wanted for the wedding, I would have cut back or cut altogether.
So not only does this add some strain, which is ok, but I don’t like the principal of what she’s doing with Auntie’s money…
Sorry just needed to vent. Again overall I’m very thankful and grateful, but the stress of it kills me more and takes out joy of a wedding.
Post # 3
@asianbarbie: Ouch! That’s not a very nice thing to do. That’s a gift to you and your future husband, not your mother!
And as such, surely your FI gets a say in whether your mother gets the money or not?
Post # 4
+1. That doesn’t sound good, and I don’t think your aunt would appreciate what your mom is doing.
Post # 5
@Sekhmet well its our money but mom wants us now to use it so her contribution is less until she can get money to us when she has it (which could be a 1 year or more or never)
So that leaves us with footing that extra portion of the wedding which we weren’t expecting which is fine but basically ya Auntie’s gift will be used for it.
I hope that makes sense.
Post # 6
That’s weird. It’s your gift, not your mothers. I would tell her that in the nicest way possible. And use the gift your aunt gave you for the wedding. What does your aunt think of your moms idea?
Post # 7
@asianbarbie: I know that’s your mother and all but you are a grown ass woman able to do whatever you please with a GIFT that was bestowed upon you and your betrothed Whatever money your mother contributed was a gift as was the check your tia gave you so its yours to keep. If your mom couldnt afford to fork over the money to you for “liquid coins” they she shouldnt have. Your mother’s demands (not even an inquiry or request) should fall on deaf ears. Tell her sorry but no can do!
ETA: You make a great point – she could gift it back to you 6 months, 1 year or NEVER! Stash your cash while you can!
Post # 8
@asianbarbie: I know that’s your mother and all but you are a grown ass woman able to do whatever you please with a GIFT that was bestowed upon you and your betrothed Whatever money your mother contributed was a gift as was the check your tia gave you so its yours to keep. Your mother’s demands (not even an inquiry or request) should fall on deaf ears. Tell her sorry but no can do!
Exactly this! Simply tell your Mom no.
Post # 9
CocoClassic unfortuantely with them paying for 1/2 there is only so much I can say, she could pull all funds at anytime, I can see her doing that.
again if I knew this before hand my planning would be dif.
She’s also the one that wanted a 50k wedding and would pay half, and I refused b/c thought it was wayyyyyyy too much. Then when I do something to save money and its not up to her standards I get chastized for it.
but you are right I am a grown ass woman so it is my fault in part but once this wedding is over there is no more going to do things her way sorry.
Post # 10
If I stand up to her and say no, she’ll just either 1. be well I now will only give you 2/3rds of what I was going to give you or 2. say I’m ungrateful and pull money altogether from the wedding which we can’t afford.
I honestly just wished we would have paid for our entire wedding even if it meant lots of cuts.
Post # 11
You mom has balls. It’s not her money to do squat with. It was a gift to you and your FI. If she didn’t know it was coming prior to agreeing to pay, it’s not hers to do anything with now. I’d like some more liquid cash too, but I’m not asking you to hand over the gift you just received. It’s totally inappropriate. If your Aunt wanted to help out your mom, that’s her prerogative and she can do that.
Post # 12
@asianbarbie: UGH! She sounds like “Mommy Dearest” –NO WIRE HANGERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Sorry – outburst.
I get that she is footing the bill but if she is asking for 1/3 of it back via your aunt’s gift then she’s really not BUT I do see what your dilemma is.
This may sound super shitty but tell your aunt what your mother is doing and give your aunt back the check. That way if you dont get what is rightfully yours then NO ONE gets it. Screw that! Then again I’m an asshole and maybe not the best person to give advice but its the way I would handle it none the less.
Post # 13
@asianbarbie: Yikes. That’s really unfair. I realize that maybe her finances got tight last minute, but what would she have done it your Aunt hadn’t come through with a large amount of gift money for you? Would your mother have still pulled her funds, or do you think she is only pulling them now because your Aunt gave you money?
If it’s the latter, I’m sure you’re Aunt would be pissed, & rightfully so.
I’m sorry you are going through this 🙁
Post # 14
@asianbarbie: By your name, I assume you are Asain. You were just venting so I’m not going to offer advise…but I understand and it sucks! Your hands are tied and while it would be great to “stand up to her”, that simply isn’t an option. You are in tough spot, try to just keep your head up and not take her critical comments about how you are saving money to heart.
Post # 15
@asianbarbie: Just say no….or mom, I counted on that money and auntie’s money is separate from that…its for our home xyz whatever. Tell her you will have to cut back, you have enough time to do so.
Post # 16
@KH yes 1/2 asian, she is the Asian mom. I know my asians can prob understand it….le sigh…
Thanks and trying to 🙂