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Is anyone with a small (tiny, if you're me!) budget worried about the wedding looking cheap, people judging you, etc? I wasn't really, until I started talking with the DJ about how the flow of the wedding will go and he seemed appalled (and then promptly tried to hide it, as this is a friendor) that we aren't doing a plated or buffet dinner.
We have a wedding budget of $5,000, give or take. Our parents have definitely helped where they could, but the majority of the money is coming out of our wallets and we REFUSE to go into debt for the wedding, so we're paying cash. We struggled with what to do before deciding that we would have a late ceremony and a dessert/cocktail reception that we would cater ourselves (I'm starting to regret this decision....) which seriously cut the cost of food. GOAL!! We did all the right things - proper time (later, after dinner), printed "dessert reception following" on the invitations, etc.
But after our friend/DJ's reaction, I started to worry that: a) I wouldn't be able to pull this off and b) I wouldn't be able to pull it off without looking like a giant cheap-o that just shouldn't have had a wedding. We'll have plenty of food, don't get me wrong - and it won't all be sweets. But we don't have a caterer, and we don't have full meals.
I still have a month and a half til my wedding - do I need to suck it up and get someone (with a quickness!) to cater this wedding, even if it's only small plate, etc? Or do you think I'm just being a big ninny and need to stop worrying about what people are going to think and enjoy my big day? Consider that the invites are out and do say that there will be a dessert reception and it does start later (ceremony starts at 7pm).
Thank you in advance for your thoughts/suggestions!! :)
Remember that this is your WEDDING DAY. The people that love you and care about you would show up for NO party. Classy can absolutely be done cheaply. What were you planning to serve? (what types of sweets and what else)
My example is that a $10 container of Sam's cream puffs becomes elegant and upscale on a silver tray and spinkled with powdered sugar. Trust me when I say, people like to eat. Period. They will love it... Make the tables look elegant and you could stack up McDonald's burgers. :)
Here's my tip: Use boxes/pedistals/containers under a tablecloth to create intrest on the table. (Cover table with cloth, Arrange the boxes, cover the boxes with 2nd cloth bunched and draped) Anything giving height will be showcased and it also allows more room. Here's a fairly decent example print.
menu_group_buffet_queen.jpg (91 KB, 68 downloads) 2 years old 
Ok, I wouldn't call you a "big ninny" but I do think you shouldn't worry about what other people think. Especially the DJ. I love the idea of dessert and cocktails! I think it'll be great. But, I wonder if it'll be hard for you guys to do yourself. I think, if you can, that you may want to mix it up, get somethings from a bakery/caterer and make some yourselves. Either way, don't worry about the wedding being cheap- it won't be. Good for you guys, so many people go into debt or spend everything they have (that last one is gonna be us) and then realize it wasn't exactly necessary.
I think that you should do whatever you want to and not worry about others. Dessert and cocktails is just fine - people will eat earlier. Just be sure you eat a meal before the wedding. Good luck!
It's TOTALLY OKAY !!!! to do a dessert reception. People are coming to SEE YOU, not eat. Well, I mean, they'll enjoy the food, but honestly...
My FI is so worried about people judging us (we have a smaller end budget too), and I keep reminding him exactly what I'm telling you:
If they are going to judge you for not spending THOUSANDS of dollars on one party, they are not really worth your time. Seriously, what kind of friend judges someone else for not having enough food at their reception!? Doesn't sound like a friend worth keeping to me...
You've been clear - Dessert Reception. That's great! Stick with it!!
The people who care for you will understand and go to the wedding because of you. I honestly think these days, it's great to see people save for the future than their wedding.
But I would try to prepare yourself for some negative comments. Can I ask you what time is your reception? If it's dinner time, most guests will be hungry and might not be happy with just dessert. So perhaps sandwiches to help fill their tummies up?
The only thing I worry about is that you will be working on your wedding day-who is going to man the desserts?? Otherwise i think it sounds really fun and i would LOVE to go to a wedding like that.
We are on about the same budget. My FI and I are also planning a dessert reception. I am actually really excited about it. Who doesn't love desserts? I've been playing with the idea of hiring a caterer only to serve and restock the desserts and to bring plates and beverages for our guests. The cost of labor from these people is outrageous, though. I've got to figure something out without putting my family to work. I think that you'll be just fine with what you are planning. Don't worry about that DJ.
Our final budget was $4800 (oops went over budget by $1800!). I worried about things looking cheap because I got plastic cups and plastic plates and so forth but everyone commented to me about how nice everything looked and that I should be a wedding coordinator (yeah right, I'll never plan another wedding as long as I live!!) Your DJ shouldn't be that concerned with your food choices IMO. Their job is to help things flow and announce dinner or appetizers or whatever you want to choose.
Personally we did a potluck reception in lieu of gifts. I was a bit nervous about it but our DJ said that the last reception he did was a potluck reception and it was very successful, and he turned out to be right. Whatever you choose to do, it's your wedding and I can promise you that little things you are worried about now, you'll see at your wedding are really not a big deal at all. Guests don't critique your wedding choices like you do or see things like you do, they're just there to have a good time and help you celebrate.
I understand where you're coming from since our budget is about $3-4 K. We're doing a heavy hors-doeurves reception and cash bar. I do worry sometimes that it might come off cheap-ish. But you know what? I've never heard anyone say that looking back at their wedding, they wish they had spent MORE- only less.
I think it takes more ingenuity to pull off a smaller-budget wedding than a huge-budget wedding.
Gawd, you guys are great!! Thank you!!!!
You're all right - it's our day, and those that love us will be there no matter what.
@flamingred - that's a major concern for me..... we already have to do all of the setup of tables, decorations, etc, so I was wondering about the food too. The mother of a friend has just started her own catering business on the side, and I was thinking about hiring her just to refill things, properly set things out, etc.
We are definitely doing a mix of homemade (have a lot of people making stuff) and bakery bought, plus fruit, cheese, tea sandwiches, veggie crudite, etc.
@pinkparfait - the ceremony starts at 7pm, so we're hoping that's plenty of time for people to get a proper meal beforehand.
You guys are awesome!
I don't see anything wrong with your original plan. Go for it and stop worrying! Have a happy wedding-- that's all that matters. :)
@Querida - You're right... I think if I create enough visual interest, it'll come off as less "low budget". I need to practice creating with those boxes and linens. Thank you for the pic!
Don't worry about what others think. You will have an awesome day and just enjoy yourselves and others will to:) You can only do what you can do and I think you are sooooooooo smart for not going into debt and paying cash. Stick to your plans and don't let anyone make you doubt yourselves:)
Hope things with your health are doing alright. I have been praying and believe me I am so feeling you on the whole Heart letting you down part. Hope all is well.
@ACountryCowGirl - Thank you so much! Things are getting better, thank you for thinking of me. I hope you are doing better as well, and that you're just as excited as I am for all that's to come. Your date is almost here!!!!!!! :)
You shouldn't worry about your guests. Remember, your DJ didn't get an invitation. I think he was just hoping to get fed in addition to his fee! Nothing wrong with a dessert reception. I think ultimately, you'll be better off sticking with your original plan. You'll be less likely to want to "keep up with the Jones" later in your married life.
Honestly, if it weren't for my finace's grandfather needing to be back on his dialysis machine by 8pm, I would have totally done what you're doing! Yes, we're doing a buffet and cake, but think more lunch than dinner. I think a dessert reception is a wonderful idea and it takes a lot of pressure off the event to be "a meal" for everyone. Stick to your guns and know that you're doing what's best for you!
You shouldn't have to go into debt to get married! If this is what you can afford, this is what you should do. I would just make it clear on the invitation that it's a dessert reception so that people know to eat ahead of time.
If you have a website, you could even put together a list of suggested restaurants for people to grab dinner before the wedding.
@Sakoro - That is a great idea!! I do have a wedding website and I'm going to go add local restaurants to it tonight!! Thank you!
We did a dessert only reception last month and it was beautiful. We borrowed glass ware from friends and family. We put fruit in apothocary jars, lemon bites on cake plates, etc. I think if you make it visually interesting, you won't have anything to worry about. Just remember to put food at different height levels and in pretty containers. I'm sure it will be fabulous!
I understand money doesn't grow on trees and applaud you for refusing to go into debt - but I wanted to point out that by the time your reception rolls around and people actually get to start eating, they will have missed a full meal and will be hungry. Desserts are a really sweet idea (no pun intended), but not everyone likes them to begin with and eating them on an empty stomach might make people feel a little queasy. Can you do mostly desserts but maybe like 1 filling non-desert option (like cheese and crackers)? That would be my only suggestion.
Otherwise, sounds like a great and fun idea!!
Screw your DJ! he probably just hasn't seen anything like this.
Dessert reception sounds yummy! Personally, cakes and candies and yummies galore sound more exciting than chicken =]
I think this sounds great! In fact, I have a couple of suggestions about your "labor" problem:
Find a nearby college (you're in ATL, so you've got quite a few to choose from!) that has a food science/culinary/food program and see if any of the students are willing to work for you/if the school has a program in place. Someone I know had a catered dinner from a high school culinary program at their wedding--and it was FANTASTIC!
@laylabelle, i wouldn't worry about it! the amount of money poured into a function does not correlate to it's "cheapness" factor. i've seen plenty of big ticket parties that looked cheap!
if you need more assurances, check out mrs. blueberry's wedding. she also did a dessert reception and it looked so yummy! it can be done classily and on budget. you don't need to spend tons of money to have a wonderful time!
you can check out the rest of her posts here.
good luck!
We were considering a dessert reception, this is becoming pretty common. You've printed it on the invitations, so people are aware of what they'll be offered. Anyone that isn't down with what you're doing can choose not to attend. I've had some horrified reactions at a couple of my wedding plans, but frankly those people can pound sand. If you try to please everyone, you'll end up pleasing no one.
I agree. Stick it out. In fact, I was given the same advice when I asked that question last Spring, and whether or not you think ours looked "cheap," none of our friends or family did (or said anything) and we were very happy with it. Things I worried about -- paper napkins, bottles of beer, "simple" food -- turned out to be absolutely 100% okay. If you want me to, I'll hunt down that post, just let me know.
Your budget is the same as mine [well the same as my MAX, hopefully I can go under].
I don't think that if you take care to make things look nice [via arrangement not pocketbook] that you'll be ok.
Why would anyone judge you? If it's a small budget then I assume it's a small invite list filled with the closest family and friends; if this is the case these people love you dearly and are there to celebrate in your happiness, not how much you spent.
Ah, Mrs. Cheese - terrific point, considering I loved, loved, loved your wedding pics and recaps. If my wedding is anything like yours, I'll be satisfied.
@tea - THANK YOU! I've been looking for a Bee that did something similar, and had not found anything yet. Will definitely be checking out Mrs. Blueberry's wedding!!
Did I tell ya'll that you're awesome? Because you ARE.
If you want a dessert reception, then have one. There is no need to go into debt to impress other people who have high-maintenance standards. Anyone who says a dessert reception cannot be elegant under any circumstance has either never seen one in person or has only ever seen them sloppily put together. If you see chcolate/dessert buffets at upscale hotels, those are not cheap nor cheap-looking at all. Or browse dessert buffets on Flickr. An equal number of those are probably low-budget but you can't tell by looking at them what the host's budget was. If someone seriously gets upset because you aren't serving a full meal or heavy appetizers, then they can stay home. Don't most people say that 'everyone loves desserts'? So why throw a hissy fit over it? People have dessert receptions all the time and there is nothing wrong with that. Full meals are not done everywhere and not everyone can afford that, and they are actually fairly new when you really stop to think about it, contrary to popular belief. The people who love you won't care won't care what you're serving. At a non-meal time, no one eats a full meal anyway so it's not an issue.
For what it's worth, I have been to more dessert receptions than I can count since that is the only type of reception my family does for weddings. Full meals are considered extravagant so no one does those. For whatever reason I couldn't tell you, they always serve dessert at the usual dinner hour. My family is used to that. Obviously other people wouldn't like it with good reason but then other folks say they eat dinner when it gets to be anywhere from 8pm-midnight on a regular basis and don't find that unusual while the majority may find that odd. Everyone is different. That said, while they are cute, I personally am burnt out on dessert receptions and they aren't novel to me at all because they're so commonplace in my experience, while to someone else, it's something they may think exists only in magazines and not real life or something that their grandparents and parents talked about seeing but you may not think people actually do anymore. But if I were to have a dessert reception, plan it for 7:30pm or later or else mid-afternoon because that is when most folks are actually done eating dinner. And whatever you do, make a note on the reception card telling people what to expect so they don't show up anticipating something that won't be there.
The only thing that I worried about was doing a dessert-only reception at dinnertime. But then I read that you did it at the right time- so go for it! That gives family and friends an excuse to go out to eat and have fun BEFORE the wedding too. I worry about looking cheap, but then think, my guests should KNOW me and FI, know that we are just starting out, KNOW our situations and not expect anything but what we have. Maybe a guest's guest will be like, "this is tacky" but do you really care? Everyone YOU care about will be really excited. And I'm DROOLING just thinking about it!
Don't even worry about it! My FI and I are on the same budget, and we're doing a pot-luck style dinner, served buffet-style, which helped us out immensley! Your guests will love the deserts, and, since you made sure to specify what type of food was going to be there, they'll have plently of time to eat something beforehand, so they won't get hungry. Don't worry about the DJ, it's not his job to worry about the food. Just sit back and enjoy your day, I know how stressful a small budget wedding can be, and I've only just started!
I have two thoughts:
1. Like Querida mentioned, if you do the dessert buffet elegantly then it will be elegant (not cheap). Through the ocurse of my wedding I found that it's not really what you do but how you do. I think ttat what you have planned will be gorgeous and work out nicely.
2. One thing to think of though: $5000 even thought it's a small budget for a wedding, usually will allow you to serve some form of a meal (even if it is just heavy hor d'eurves). Where is the rest of the $ going? The reason why I'm asking is because if you're spending a lot of money (reltatively) for some of the other budgetted items (florals, dress, limo, honeymoon) then you could still end up looking cheap. For example, I went to a wedding and I knew the bride (because she kept talking about it) spent about $3000 on gorgeous centerpieces and had a cash bar. I thought they were incredibly cheap since they could have went with less elaborate centerpieces and afforded to provide at least some libations.
I think that since you specified DESSERT RECEPTION TO FOLLOW, that everyone should come prepared to have some light snacks following the ceremony. I went to a reception very similar to yours a few weeks ago. They had the more dinner-like items on one side, and a separate display with the desserts. She made each of their favorite dessert items, mini-brownies, mini-cupcakes, some family recipies for cookies, and bought a variety of other sweets from a local owned bakery.
It was wonderful, everyone got their sweet-fix, and she didn't break the budget! I'd say it was a win-win situation!
@FutureMrsDuff - We decided we would spend no more than $5k, but in actuality, we'll probably come in at $3k or less. In Atlanta, you can't do much with $5k. We aren't having a honeymoon until next year, so that's not factored. I'm doing the flowers myself, we are bringing our own alcohol, our venue was a steal at $1,100 and that includes tables and chairs, but not linens, my dress was a sample sale gown and with alteration came out to only $373. No hotel room the night of, no getaway car, etc. So we aren't really spending a huge chunk anywhere except the venue itself. Because even though we budgeted for $5k, we don't really have it, since I had some crappy medical issues pop up. :( I think maybe had we been able to save that money for the wedding instead of those issues, I could probably have afforded a light dinner. We are providing free alcohol! :) We want our attendees feelin' good! LOL!
I have a very small budget too!! I think your idea is totally good!! Don't worry!!
You put dessert reception on the invite, and you're having a late ceremony, right? You did everything right and you have NO reason to be ashamed. Your DJ is just being obnoxious!
I think your wedding sounds like's it's going to be great. I love the idea of a desert reception... in retrospect I wish I had done something similar. I'm glad that you're adding a few non-desert items as well though, because not everyone shares my raging sweet tooth. Cheese, crackers/bread, small sandwiches or other horderve-y type stuff is a good idea. It's going to be awesome and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
@hcritton - OMG potluck reception in lieu of gifts? You just spoke my dreams... the ones I'd never realized I had!!!
sigh - pretty sure J will NEVER go for it though. He's got his heart set on plated dinners, my groomzilla does...
We are having heavy hors d'oeuvres, but mostly that's because it's what we wanted. And we are providing only one alcoholic beverage, because food is a bigger priority than alcohol to us. But honestly, the comments we have gotten from people who know about our plans are more along the lines of, "Why are you doing so much?", rather than, "Why are you being so cheap?" Basically, if people care about you, they will enjoy your wedding, even if it's punch and cake only. If they do not, no amount of free food will cause them to enjoy it. So go with what you can afford, and within that with what you like.
@laylabelle - that sounds just fantastic, and definitely not cheap. I wouldn't have even mentioned anything if I knew your real cost was probably closer to $3000, that sounds right for what you're doing. I think your guests are going to have a wonderful time, and to be honest providing free alcohol is sometimes preferred to a meal. ;)
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