(Closed) Small budget/guest list– No plus one's–will guests be upset??

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@MrsBtoBe14:  Oooh this is tricky.  I don’t think you should only allow for +1s who are spouses or “serious” partners because people will have different ideas of what they consider to be a close romantic relationship.  I’d either do no +1s for anyone or try to downsize your guest list to allow +1s.  Plus if your Canada friends know each other, they shouldn’t have a problem rooming with each other for hotel and whatnot.  My SO’s cousin didn’t allow +1s and I wasn’t offended.  It’s understandable that people have budget constraints and/or a venue might have a very limited capacity (like where my SO’s cousin had her wedding).

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@MrsBtoBe14:  How close are you to the people back in Canada? Also, how many are you planning on inviting? If it’s less than 10, can’t you just evaluate on a case-by-case basis?

I don’t see anything wrong with your logic… like if it’s not a serious relationship, don’t invite the +1s… but it can be a bit tricky. Like you’re going to ask “are you two co-habitiating? If not, he’s not invited”.. that’s a bit awkward.

I think you might have to bite the bullet and let them bring the +1s.. it’s like you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If it was a local wedding then fair enough.. but if you think about it, you’re not only asking them to travel, you’re telling them who they can travel with. It might not go over too well.

As you say, you don’t know their SOs because it’s been a few years.. so how can you make the call?

I’d either not invite them or give them the +1 option. Surely if they’re truly close friends, you don’t have THAT many of them, and you want them to be comfortable since they have to go a long way and spend a fair amount of money to go to your wedding.

 

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Of course they will because guests seem to get upset over everything. However it’s your wedding and if they do get upset about it and don’t talk it over maturely with you then do they really deserve to be part of your day, when you’re trying hard to accomodate for everyone on a budget?

Post # 8
Member
9063 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If I had to travel locally (For me, Local is a 45 minute one-way drive), I would not be offended if I was not allowed a +1.

If I had to fly/travel, I absolutely wouldn’t go if I didn’t have the ability to bring my SO. I would not be offended — I simply wouldn’t go. I would send you my best, send a gift and leave it at that.

Post # 11
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

For starters, I think it is impossible for someone else to gauge how serious a relationship is. Someone who has been together for 6 months could be more serious than someone who has been in a relationship for 5 years. My point is, peoplecan  judge their own relationships differently than others might.

Therefore, if you’re only planning on inviting married, engaged, serious relationships (unless otherwise stated) then why not ASK your friends  how serious they are in their relationships? I mean, if you’re close to these girls/guys, I would ask them how serious their relationships are. If they say “not serious” then let them know that their current SO will not be invited. If they say they are serious, then invite their SO. Do not try and make your own calls on this if you’re worried about offending people or people not coming because their SOs are not invited.

Personally I would not go to a wedding where my SO was not invited, even if it were just down the street. I wouldn’t be offended, I just wouldn’t want to go without him. However, if I were in a non-serious relationship, I would likely go even if he weren’t invited. In my mind, if I’m not serious about a guy, I would be very uncomfortable going to a wedding with him. If I were serious about the guy, I wouldn’t want to go to a wedding where he was not invited.

Post # 12
Member
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think since you are asking them to travel for your wedding the least you can do is let them bring a date.  I wouldn’t travel solo unless you were a really close friend.  What are you friends going to think when they see that other people were allowed dates but they weren’t?

Also, how do you define serious?  Some people are serious right away, like within a few weeks of dating.  Others don’t consider themselves in a serious relationship until after 6 months.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My best friend has a very large family who are all close.  She told her cousin’s that their SOs were invited to the dance but not to the ceremony or dinner (except for married/living together cousins who brought their partners).  One of them refused to come without her boyfriend but most were understanding.

Post # 15
Member
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You need a hard a fast rule that is clear across all the guests. Otherwise, people will think “how come so and so could bring his gf?” etc. Like @Thorns-n-Roses: said, it’s hard to tell how serious someone is.

For our wedding, my dating friends were not allotted +1s at all. We only had engaged or married couples. A few of my friends had serious bfs but they were gracious enough to understand where I was coming from, and was more than happy to attend our wedding to celebrate with us.

It sounds like your friends who are insisting on bringing a guest don’t have a clue as to how expensive weddings are! If they had an inkling, they might understand!

 

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