Post # 1
I know this has been posted about a lot, but FI and I are in a bit of a dilemma. We are getting married in October (officially this year! YAY!) and are working on collecting addresses for our invitations and save the dates. We are a pretty young couple (23/25) and my parents are covering the wedding. His best man has three kids under the age of 10. We really like these kids a lot, but we’d prefer not to have children at our wedding because we have a more formal event in mind. Our venue is one of the nicest in our area (like, $250-300/person with 110-120 people) so it doesn’t seem like the place for children anyway. I don’t want to single out his BFF of 20 years or offend anyone. That’s just not what we want for our day. I’m terrified that we will offend the mother who is, understandably, very protective of her children.
FI has suggested we just get it over with and have the discussion now. That he’ll just call up his buddy and be like “hey! we’ve decided to not have kids at the wedding.” My approach was more to just send an invitation to Mr. and Mrs. Bestman and see if that got the message across. What do you all think?
Post # 3
Similiar situation to you.. only have 2 kids at my wedding, both of which are in the wedding party.
We are simply addressing the invitation to “Mr & Mrs Smith” and on our rsvp card adding, “2 seats have been reserved in your honor”.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I told all of the Moms invited to our wedding that it was an adults-only event, so there were no surprises. Note: unfortunately, I didn’t say no drama (family drama, no less.)
Worse case scenario: Mrs. Best Man may be pissed, and say “well then I’m not coming to the wedding, and hubby, you shouldn’t be in it.” Hopefully this won’t be the case, but if you’re having an evening wedding, she should realize it’s not uncommon for younger children not to be extended invitations.
Post # 5
Personally, I found with my close friends, I just called them up before the invites went out to let them know we weren’t having kids. Many of them live in different cities and had to make travel arrangements/ accomodatings. That way I could sort of “soften” the blow and discuss directly with them our reasons if they had questions. Generally I found that they reacted quite well and there hasn’t been any “buzz” about it since. It might also take the sting out if they have LOTS of time to make plans for babysitters ect, as opposed to feeling blind sided closer to. And it might be awkward if they talk about the wedding and assume the kids are involved for the next while, when you know they won’t be coming – you’ll make yourself crazy!
Post # 6
Do you have a wedding website you could make a note on?
Post # 7
I am a very strong advocate of the use of inner envelopes and of addressing all envelopes in a formal manner to help avoid any confusion.
If a couple receives an invitation where the outer envelope is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. John Edward Doe,” and the inner envelope is addressed to “Mr. and Mrs. Doe,” it is very unlikely that this couple will make the leap to presume that little Jack, Jill, and Jennifer Doe also are being included in that invitation.
I should add that I personally am NOT a fan the “_____ seats have been reserved in your honor” language, because, by saying this, you are implying that two seats literally have been reserved for this couple. That could inadvertently suggest to some people that, if one of the guests being invited is unable to attend, the other original invitee might be able to bring along another guest in the original guest’s place.
Post # 8
I would prefer to discuss the issue with them in person-failing that on the phone.
We just wanted to give you a heads up that we are having an adult wedding so that you have plenty of time to make arrangements for child care. We didn’t want to wait for you to receive the invitations and be the cause of any last minute stress.