Weddingbee boards

Hi Ladies (and Mr. Bee!),

FI and I have been thinking lately, and it's pretty solid now that we are having a smaller more intimate ceremony in a local park and then an 'after party' as opposed to a reception. The after party will be more of a nice, quiet dinner affair as opposed to what most people think of as a reception (DJ, dancing, bouquet toss, etc). This small ceremony and 'after party' guest list, at this point, will consist of us (obviously), our parents, grandparents (I have 3 sets since my parents are divorced), siblings, niece and nephew, our 3 attendants each and their dates (approx 30 - 35 ppl). We originally were thinking a larger wedding with about 135 people but that started getting out of control with family drama (you can't invite this person if I can't invite that person, etc you know the drill). Ok, so the question is this. I have had family members (aunts, uncles, cousins) who will not be invited, asking about how wedding plans are going. I don't want to tell them about things they are not invited to, because it seems rude, but it's also rude to dodge the questions. This information about our having a small ceremony/after party is not yet common knowledge so I'm not really sure what to do here. Also, how do we break this to FI's parents and other family members who ask? Thanksgiving is coming up and I know we will be asked about it at his family gathering (luckily my family doesn't do a big Thanksgiving get together anymore). When I discussed the idea of having a smaller ceremony/after party with 2 of 3 sets of grandparents and parents they all thought it was a great idea and how it would de-stress and un-drama the situation. I am thinking that FI's parents and my 3rd set of grandparents, might not react the same way.

Thanks!!

Bella    

Ok, so update on the situation. I didn't know FI had planned to tell his parents um, TODAY (our nephews birthday) that we are planning to do a smaller intimate ceremony as opposed to the big formal affair. Well, out of the blue, he told him (I figured we would get a game plan together first so they didn't freak out). They both took it better than I thought they would! At first his mom started tearing up and you could see that he heart sank a little, but as we started discussing the plan in a little more detail her eyes lit up and you could see she became more excited about the idea (especially the part where we would get to spend more time with those closest to us instead of having only like 5 min per table talking to 2nd cousins twice removed that we don't know, sort of thing). :) I think at this point it's a good thing for all of us. I didn't worry about telling my parents because it was actually my mom's idea! :) My paternal grandparents loved the idea when we pitched it to them, but I don't know how my materal grandparents will take it (my grandmother wanted to invite people I haven't seen in like 10+ years and some of her friends from before she retired that neither FI nor I know, etc). She will probably not be happy, but it's our wedding and so if that's what we choose to do, it's what we'll do. FMIL also came up with the idea of having an 'engagement party' for us so that the rest of the family could come and give us their well wishes (more like a backyard BBQ sort of thing as opposed to the more formal 'after party' we will have after our intimate ceremony). FI and I both thought this was a neat idea so I think it'll make all feel included but not chaotic on our actual wedding day. Just thought I should let you guys know what happend for those who were interested. :)

Bella  

Hi Soon2BEngaged!

To be 100% honest, I am so thrilled that we are having the smaller ceremony & after party than I was even 6 months ago when I wrote the original post. At first, I was sort of crushed when my mom suggested it - I had the same 'big wedding' dream that every little girl has and now I was being told that it would probably be better for all of us (especially me though due to stress), if we did it this way. I wasn't completely convinced at first that it would be better, but it is. We are having a backyard BBQ sort of thing at our new house for those family members who won't be invited to the actual ceremony/after party - we will be showing a 5 minute 'cinematic trailer' version of our wedding video so people can see the day (FMIL was so concerned about her brothers and sisters not being able to actually see us say our vows so the video appeases her). We'll also have some pictures up from the day so people can come and share in the joy of our new marriage without all of the strings attached (dressing up, making sure you're 'on time', little kids sitting quietly through a ceremony, etc). We are so thrilled and think it will be wonderful. I will say though, FMIL seemed a-ok with the idea of the BBQ originally and has since gone back on it a couple of times and tried to change things. FI and I have tried to stay firm with her on it and explain how now, our venue (a very nice local restaraunt) just simply cannot accomodate all of the additional guests. She is very excited though for all of her family to be able to come and see our new home at the BBQ though so...

I guess the moral of the story is this - do what you and FI want, but try and work FMIL and mom's ideas in all while keeping with the budget and the real meaning of the day!!

Bella