Post # 1
So, my fiancee and I had decided on a date for this year–Oct 11th, but it turns out that we are just unable to afford the kind of wedding we want–ceremony + reception with about 100-125 guests. So we decided to call it off until maybe 2015. I really do not want to wait almost two years for us to be married. I’m ready now and so is he. There are a few things I really want for our wedding tradiiton wise, but I’m at the point where I am willing to compromise. I’ve thought about maybe us having a more intimate wedding with only our closest friends and immediate family, and then going to a nice restaurant for dinner instead of a reception. The only part I wanted from the reception was our first dance and the father-daughter dance. Other than that I could care less about a reception. However, I am wiling to give those up. We have talked about this before, but we have always tried our hardest to be able to invite all our family and friends. A part of me likes the idea of an intimate wedding but a part of me is afraid I will regret not having a ceremony and reception and inviting extended family and friends (I’m really close with aunts and cousins on my side of the family).
Has anybody regretted going all out and having a huge wedding and reception? I’ve heard from several people that they wished they would have just eloped! lol Thoughts on the two different “styles” of weddings?
We also don’t have money for a honeymoon after the wedding and were planning to save up for a nice on by our one year anniversary, so scaling down the wedding doesn’t really have much to do with having more money for our honeymood.
Post # 3
@justlovelyxo: Well, we just had our insanely huge (about 300 guests) wedding last Sunday. I really never wanted a large wedding and always envisioned a smaller intimate one. That being said, it was impossible not to have a large one, due to really large families on both our sides. In the end though I couldn’t have imagined it any other way. We were surrounded by people we loved and who loved us. Was it stressful planning such a large affair? Hell yes!! Would I do it again? Yup!
Post # 4
@justlovelyxo: That is EXACTLY what we did!
Instead of having 120-150 people to a 15K wedding, we had a 42 person wedding that cost 4K!
I do not regert it one BIT. It was a lot of fun, we got married a year earlier than planned, and we had enough money for an amazing honeymoon!
ETA: My mother is one of 3, my father is one of 5, MIL is one of 7, and FIL is one of 2! So we had 85 combined aunts/uncles/cousins. We didn’t invite any of them, aside from our godparents! We did grandparents/parents/siblings/godparents/close friends
Post # 5
@justlovelyxo I have a really large family. There is no way that we would ever be able to have a small intimate wedding. Its YOUR day. You have to do what pleases you two. Is it possible to do a justice of the peace and then go out to dinner and then save money and do a vow renewal/big reception a year later and then maybe a smaller “honeymoon” or trip? I know alot of people in my area that have done this due to budget issues and not wanting to wait any longer.
We got engaged in April 2013. We figured that we would have to wait until 2015 for financial reasons, but have received some help and are able to get married July 12, 2014! (Our 3rd anniversary!) We have been able to save up a good chunck of change in just 9 months.
Post # 6
@readbakesmile: & @xoxo_712: This is what has kept us from having such a small ceremony is because of how large our families our–mostly our extended family. I am really close with my aunts, uncles, and cousins, so it is hard for me to not invite them. However, I am not sure that they would be offended by us having a more intimate wedding. His family would probably take it more personal than mine.
Post # 7
We had a small wedding (16 guests, immediate family only) and then went out to dinner afterward. It was still kind of spendy, honestly, but we went fancy with the food and had a really expensive photographer.
Anyway, the week after that, we had a big casual reception party with my extended family. We did it in a free location, had a cake from the grocery store and BBQ to eat, minimal decor (just white linens and fresh flowers from the grocery store). It was so much fun!
The whole thing was honestly just perfect. I have never wanted a big wedding–our wedding day was all about us and our marriage, then our reception was about visiting and celebrating with family.
Post # 8
I think I sent you a Private Message. At least I hope it went through.
Post # 9
@justlovelyxo: Did you get my message. I hope I can help.
Post # 9
I realize that this thread is a few months old. I just wanted to say that I never really hear anyone regretting having a smaller ceremony. I hear time and again the regrets of those that had bigger weddings! I think the costs and stress can get so out of hand that it can interfere with enjoyment of the day. It can also lead to financial burdens left long after the wedding if people go over budget. Do only what you can afford. I am curious if you came to a decision on this. I was going to get married in 2015, but because I scaled down and cut back on guests, will use fake flowers, no Dj, etc, we are getting married in a few months (about a year early)! Best of luck no matter what you decide!
Post # 10
Our wedding ended up being around 103 people, so definitely not huge. We had invited about 130. I wouldn’t say I ‘regret’ having a medium-sized wedding, but I would say that I wouldn’t do it again. I loved our day and cherish every memory, but if I was planning a sister or close friend’s wedding, I would tell her to go with my original plan, which was to rent out a bed & breakfast or beach house and throw an intimate celebration with no more than 30-50 guests.
Post # 11
My wedding is in 11 days and i have been lucky with how smooth the plannign has been. But honestly, if i could go back, I would have done it smaller. We have large families, so an immediate wedding as turned into 170 people. I knw it is going to be amazing no matter what. But sometimes i do wish we did a smaller wedding, more intimate!
Post # 12
justlovelyxo: Hi. My fiancé put things in perspective for me by sharing with me that the most important thing of the whole wedding is “us” and what we wanted. I wanted a medium sized wedding only because my family alone is pretty big. And he wanted to get married in city hall with a dinner afterwards. At first I was like ok with what he wanted but then I thought about other little things that I would be giving up And what I envisioned Our day would entail. So we compromised on a small wedding and I couldn’t be happier. I wanted pictures and a cake cutting and the honor of my mom walking me down an isle. And I found it all. We are only having immediate family which all together is like 30 people. And it’s gonna be like 5k. Which allows us to spend on a fabulous well deserved honeymoon. I don’t have to worry about flowers, cake, photographer, music, officiant, food, and decor….it’s all included. One stop shop! Lol and I feel so stress free and relaxed about the decision to keep it small. All the people who love us understand our desires. Plus we both have other financial responsibilities (uh we are both in our 40s) so we have to consider everything. I think everyone has in mind what’s important to them for their wedding. And that’s whatcha got to figure out So that you won’t look back and wish you had your dance! Best of luck! 😉
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
justlovelyxo: we are getting married in our backyard. 24 people. Then going out for a fancy dinner….no dance, no dj, no uplighting. Small, simple, intimate and I wouldn’t dream of anything else.
It’s the people that are most important to us.
Post # 14
@justlovelyxo I am facing this same question. at the request of my parents started down the path of planning a large “traditional” wedding. As the days crept forward and the idea of shelling out thousands of dollars for something I’m not wild about really stuck with me. Pushing the pause button. The most important things to me are my Dad walking me down the isle and dancing at the reception. Rethinking everything and considering getting married with under 25 people at the beach and having a small party for my immediate family, best friends and a couple of aunts and uncles. My thinking is that my parents can throw a big party for us back home if it is really that important to them.
I’m interested in learning the route you pursued.
All the best!