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The early stages of pregnancy are really hard, and hormones are a witch. There are definately people that do not enjoy being pregnant at all. I am sure once the baby is here she will be madly in love and that is all you will ever hear about again:)
pregnancy is a time when there is a whole bunch of hormones, it is uncomfortable, etc. I have never been pregnant myself but one of my friends has two children. I am sure she still wants the baby just remember that pregnancy is not that crash hot and is difficult for her so maybe show some understanding, she is probably waiting for the time when she can give birth to have pregnancy over with!
Hormones really are a nasty, nasty thing. I really wanted a baby too and was so excited when we got our BFP... but that feeling quickly went away. I didn't have any morning sickness but I had a lot of very painful cramping for the first 8 weeks and it made me miserable. I was irritable all the time and constantly wondering why the hell I ever wanted to be pregnant. Then I started thinking about all the things I couldn't do and it made me think I wasn't ready for a child yet, which made me grumpy with DH that we were now having a baby. I too talked a lot about leaving the baby with grandma and grandpa so we can go on holidays without kids; I also bemoaned all the things that were going to change in our lives - no more relaxing evenings with a bottle of wine, no more weekly dinners out, no more last minute weekend trips etc. In short, I was not a happy pregnant woman.
Then, the first trimester passed and things started evening out. I am now 17 weeks and I feel a thousand times better, I'm starting to get a tiny bit of a bump, and all of a sudden, it's actually hit me that I'm having a baby and I couldn't be more excited. I still have days when I'm ambivalent about it and not enjoying myself, but the happy days far outnumber the unhappy days.
I think it's different for every woman but pregnancy is a very, very trying time as we deal with a lot of physical changes (a lot of them rather unpleasant at the beginning) and HUGE emotional changes, compounded by massive influxes of hormones. I would just take her complaints with a grain of salt right now, although I do understand that it can be quite grating to have to listen to her complaints all day.
ETA: I don't make these complaints known to anyone other than my DH and sister. I'm currently a SAHW so work isn't an issue, but any time anyone else asks me if I'm excited, I always play up the positives and don't really mention the negatives, at least not the way I listed them out here. We all handle things differently though.
I don't know whats normal. Everyones hormones are different, and everyone reacts differently. Also, pregnancy can be very tiring, painful and downright uncomfortable. I'm sure if she wanted the baby as much as you say, once the baby is here she'll love him/her.
Her hormones might be going so crazy she might be struggling with depression. She might not feel well, too.
I hate being pregnant hahaha, I pretend to be excited but I know penty of people who can't muster up the energy. I can totally understand why it's annoying, but you kind of have to cut her a break... it will bring you good karma! Besides, consider how uncomfortable she must be to go from so baby crazy to absolutely miserable.
OH I was the most miserable pregnant chick EVER!
I was a young momma with my first and the pregnancy was unplanned, so a bit different. But I CAN tell you that my hormones were insane! I didn't know myself or my body anymore. I wept, I couldn't eat ANYTHING, I still to this day cannot stand:
*Cinnamon Candy
*Welch's Grape Juice
*Deep fried cheddar broccoli bites
*Aquafresh toothpaste
*Hardboiled eggs (unless masked in a mac/potato salad or deviled)
*My old ham sammich fave (lettuce, mayo, pickle chopped & mixed then spread over hot ham & swiss on toasted bread)
*Barq's Root Beer
It even got so bad that I couldn't drink bottled water... yep, that made me sick too.
The first trimester was HORRIBLE for me. I mean, I felt like I was going to die.
So, I get her :) And I love my son more than anything now that I'm not pregnant.
Did I mention that I JUST got the baby bug back and my little guy will be 8 in August? LOL Finally brave enough to try again... wish me luck if I get a BFP anytime soon!
I'm 20 weeks today and feeling fairly good so I am talking baby talk a lot lately, but I do actually try to minimise it around people who don't want to hear it so much. The OP is probably just fed up of listening to it all day every day!
I hate being pregnant - I was so excited during TTC and the first few weeks. Now I hate it and am probably struggling with antepartum depression. They say your odds increase of having antepartum depression if you had troubles conceiving, so maybe that's it?
On the other hand, I don't talk about it at work - the only time coworkers hear me talk about being pregnant is if they ask. And then I say "yes, we're so excited." Ugh.
Maybe next time, you could say "it sounds like you're having a tough time. Let me know if you need to talk." Or, she could just be being a bitch. Hard to tell!
she might also be feeling negative as a defense mechanism as if she is afraid that something is going to happen (if she was talking about IVF she might have had trouble conceiving or may have even miscarried at some point)
Because of the IVF as well you don't know what her fertility issues were.
I had multiple miscarriages before getting a pregnancy to stick. Being pregnant for me has been awful. I've lost 20lbs getting sick every day. I wanted to be pregnant more than anyone else. Having gone through the heart ache of losses and then not being able to get pregnant though, made me detach a little bit from my pregnancy.
So when people would ask if I was excited, I would say yes because that's what they expected me to say, but really I wasn't. I was scared and just waiting for a bomb to drop.
At almost half way I'm starting to finally feel really excited, however, it's because I can feel the baby every day moving, which helps to keep most of the evil thoughts out of my head.
@Jd64848704: *Aquafresh toothpaste
That one's my favorite hahaha... poor thing.
Some people just need attention or to feel that people are paying attention to them. She sounds like one of those. There is a lady in my office who announces her business really loudly, intentionally talks so loud that everyone can hear her. I don't know what her reasons are, but it sure can be annoying!
I wanted this baby in the WORST way, and then felt super guilty the first 4 months when I was so sick I couldn't be as happy as I wanted to be about it. The first trimester is really hard for some people and I'd never experienced being so sick before for such a long period of time. Literally no food ever sounded good and all I did was throw up and feel awful. She'll get excited once she starts to feel better and once the baby gets closer to arriving. Try not to judge--pregnancy hormones and body changes are really difficult for a lot of us!
Getting pregnant, staying pregnant and being pregnant is tough stuff. Growing another person in your uterus and then potentially squeezing them out your crotch deserves many accolades!
@Moja Milosc: LOL right?! I remember trying to brush my teeth with it... got ill... and all I could keep crying was, "SERIOUSLY?!?! AQUAFRESH, SERIOUSLY!?!?!"
Funny story... went home to Indiana to visit and my parents stocked Aquafresh... I seriously drove to the freaking gas station and bought Crest. Bahaha! :)
Some people face depression after IVF, because of the stress of the whole ordeal. The pregnancy is one more thing (wanted or not) that adds stress. I think a lot of people romanticize the thought of being pregnant and are shocked about how hard it is on a body.
I think a lot of women are taken aback by how uncomfortable and miserable pregnancy can be. I am happy and excited to meet my daughter but boy, oh boy I can't wait not to be pregnant anymore. There is this really strange sense that your body isn't your own anymore. Your whole life is revolving around this tiny creature who is living inside of you. Plus, pregnancy hormones can cause a lot of mixed emotions, anxiety and depression.
I know it's obnoxious when someone around you just complains all the time. Just tune her out for the time being and hopefully she'll stop.
I have always wanted kids and had a easy pregnancy, but hated being pregnant. You are uncomfortable, can't sleep, have to pee all the time, crabby etc. It is not fun. So I totally get where she is coming from.
Yeah, I guess this is something you don't understand until you're the one pregnant. It's just weird because most people don't voice their discontent so loudly, especially since she was so excited before.
If you haven't been pregnant, you have no idea. It takes over your body and brain pretty much from the first week.
We didn't have any trouble getting pregnant & were both really excited to see that bfp, but there have been quite a few times that I just have NOT liked being pregnant & others I've even broken down wondering what the heck I was thinking to actually SIGN UP FOR THIS. For those I'm just acquaintances with I generally put on face, but those I see daily & are close to me.... I'm not always "glowing" lol
I'm in my first trimester and it's tough stuff. I've spent recent weeks worrying about spotting and UTIs. On top of it, my morning sickness has picked up a lot too. Nothing like feeling awful when you get up, all day, all night. Everytime I've seen the heartbeat, I'm reassured that the baby is doing just fine despite some of my recent fun stuff like UTIs, spotting, and itchy labia. I find my daily pep talks to my baby help me get through it. I cheer on my baby to grow, grow and be safe in its biological bunker. I promise not to eat bad stuff, protect it, and help it grow. I tell it that we can't wait to meet you in August.
I understand where she's coming from. You want so much to be pregnant. When you're finally there, there's a whole new set of worries and fears. I just got done with my 8 week appointment. I'm already counting down until my 13 week ones, so I can breathe easier.
I"m sure it's what everyone's saying - the hormones and changes that happen with a pregnancy. But your post reminded me so much of my SIL's reaction to her first born. She married my brother pretty young, I thikn she was 22 and they got pregnant immediately after. They were all excited about having the first grandchild in our family and went around almost gloating over how wonderful their lives would be. Well, when the baby came (my nephew) their attitude totally changed. My SIL barely paid attention to him and made somewhat unnerving comments about not liking her new role as a Mom. Anyone who congratulated them got a snarky reply like "Having a baby changes your life, not in a good way". It was pretty bad!
@redheadem: Yes and no. She is a good Mom so I don't mean to critisize her, but it's always been like she's on another planet. She's definitely not the type of Mom to engage in any activities with her kids, she's more like a security guard who stands in the background doing her own thing making sure no one gets hurt or escapes. She's always talking on her phone or surfing the web. Like the babysitter or nanny you try to avoid hiring because you want someone who will play with your kids.
It's so funny though because if you didn't know her in person and just saw her posts on FB (she is ALWAYS on FB) you would think she's the best Mom in the world! But once you're around her you can tell she's pretty annoyed by her kids most of the time.
This thread has made me feel so much better! My husband and I were talking last night and I was so upset about how I should be "glowing" but instead I feel sick and crappy all the time. Thank you everyone :)
@moderndaisy: haha, I know several clones of this person. I call them the Mothers of Facebook County lol!
By the sounds of it her pregnancy must be really rough if she is so vocal about her displeasure. Hormones are a real bitch, plus, the whole experience can go eiher way. I'm 4 months pregnant and so far it has been pretty smooth sailing but, it can be very difficult to smile and say everything is awesome when your nose is picking up that burnt toast in the kitchen and it is making you want to hurl and all you can do is wonder if you will ever feel normal again.
@redheadem: I haven't had the experience of being really highly emotional when pregnant like some women seem to feel. So to me, I can kind of sympathize with you, because as sick as I might be, I never feel like someone asking me "how I'm feeling" should get a total raft of crap about how miserable I am.
I think some of the lack of excitement factor can be from nervousness in the first tri, especially after fertility treatments. My family was already making plans for after the babies are here when I was only like 5-6 weeks pg, and while I was so happy to be pg, I was just more guarded and nervous about everything.
If she's just responding to other's questions with complaining, then I guess people should stop asking ;) But if she's just constantly moaning, unprovoked...I find that a little over the top.
I've wanted to be a mom ever since I can remember and totally planned and wanted this pregnancy. But I was so miserable in the beginning the thought of terminating actually crossed my mind. First trimesters are awful.
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There is a co-worker who is pregnant. Before she announced her pregnancy, all I could hear her talk about on the phone was whether insurance is paying for IVF, her husband's SA, their baby timeline, I can't wait for a little one, DH will be such a great father, genetic testing, etc. She was baby crazy!
Now that she's pregnant, all she does is complain. If you ask if she's excited for the baby's she says no. If you ask if she's decorating the nursrey or thinking of names, no, I'm just trying to survive. Is she excited to find out the sex, I don't care about that. Does she have any cravings, all food disgusts me. She talks about how she can't wait to vacation without her kids too! Wtf. Is this normal? It's grating to hear all the time.
Btw, I'm nowhere near TTC and I am just recovering from a brief bout of baby fever.