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Small Secret-ish Ceremony...Rude?

posted 5 months ago in Ceremony
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    1.
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    Bumble bee
    globalmargaret    August 25, 2012   Alaska

    I need to make a disclaimer before anyone gets the wrong ideas... I don't hate weddings. I love weddings, I hate being the center of attention, and here is my way around it. 

    I need to know if this 'brilliant idea' of mine might be considered mean or discurtious in any way. I do want a wedding but would prefer it to be a large everyone included reception and a small private ceremony with almost no one there. We are both outdoorsy and have a pretty high amount of outdoor-extreme sport oriented friends. 

    In my ideal situation we would pick out a middle of no where not even on the map location and include its GPS coordinates and a few major landmarks on a map in the wedding invitation. Any friends / family who wish to fordge a few streams, hike a few miles, and climb the small mountain are more than welcomed to join us at the ceremony with breath taking views... Those who do  not with to join us can drive to the reception hall and eat lovely cake delicious soups and salads and dance thier hearts out... 

    My question to all of you lovely Bees is: is it rude to do this knowing that some older guests  and those with young children will not be able to physically make it? or is it okay knowing that everyone is invited to the reception? 

    Yes I have taken the dress into consideration and will be making a 100% wrinkle free dress that can fit in my backpack. I would greatly appreciate anything thoughts or insight you might have on this idea. 

    Thank you so much!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    adnama    July 21, 2012   Langley, Britsh Columbia

    This wedding sounds like it's more suited to you than a lot of weddings are suited to other brides. I am 100% behind this idea and I think it's great!!!! I considered doing something like this for my own wedding, but only changed my mind because I want my grandpa to perform the ceremony and he wouldn't be able to make it up there. Do it!

     
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    Bumble bee
    auggiefrog    August 25, 2012   Wauwatosa, WI

    Sounds fun...!  I might include something about recieving the bride and groom at the reception hall in order that most of your guests don't think you are being rude about being so cryptic. Or just extending invites to the ceremony to certin people... (not as fun though..)   I've seen weddings do this and although your guests might be a little put off for a second they will get over it very quickly! 

     
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    Sugar bee
    MsPanda    August 17, 2013   Oregon

    I think it is a cool idea but just make sure you are ok with those people not being able to make it to the ceremony!

     
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    Bumble bee
    globalmargaret    August 25, 2012   Alaska

    Thank you auggiefrog and adnama, I like the idea of putting a recieving time at the reception hall. 

    We had considered only extending ceremony invites to certian people but I think this way half the fun is going to be seeing who makes it, or tries to make it. Another thought we had was some how making markers or signs pointing people in the right dirrection, which kind of takes away the secret part. 

     and to Mspanda, there are a few people (parents) who I am obviously not okay with missing the ceremony, but I feel most of them will be able to make it. I should probably consider a contingancy plan incase though, good point. 

     
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    Busy bee
    FutureMrsMoore    May 6, 2012  

    I think I would be worried thinking about my poor mother/sister/aunt stuck in a swamp somewhere if she didnt turn up..?

    Its a cute idea, but I dont know about putting friends and family in danger.

     
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    misrusticj    January 28, 2012  

    I think it's great! You should become husband and wife exactly where you want . As long as you are ok with some people not making it because if that then I say go for it. The reception can be their time to celebrate with you!

     
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    Sugar bee
    Wonderstruck    September 18, 2011   Detroit, MI

    In theory, it's a cool idea. Then I think about people like your grandparents and other older relatives, or even younger ones who just aren't as fit or have asthma and can't handle all that, basically being not allowed to attend the ceremony. Oh, and everyone (including you and your groom) being a sweaty dirty mess. Then it's not so cool.

    I think that if one of my family members did this I wouldn't be happy about it - it feels like a very inconsiderate thing for the person hosting the wedding to do, purposely making it so hard to attend. I do have asthma, so if I physically had to stop and was unable to make it, I'd be very disappointed and really not in the mood to party - I'd be upset that I came for your wedding and had to miss it, like I'm being punished for not being as fit and active as you and your FI. I know that's not your intent, which is why I thought I'd share my other point of view on this.

     
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    Bumble bee
    globalmargaret    August 25, 2012   Alaska

    You all make good points, and thank you courtney for bringing up the other side that I needed to hear. I agree it is unfair to punish those who are older or have health problems, and then there are probably a few people who just don't want to get all muddy etc. 

    I am now considering still doing something like this but choosing a location that is partially driveable too and still has a bit of a walk but is maybe not through a river and over a mountain... 

    I will keep you lovely bees updated as plans evolve, until then please keep the comments comming all input that I need to hear. 

     
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    Bumble bee
    inspiredcreationsbyhaley    August 3, 2013   Tampa, FL and Portland, OR

    You could also always get one of your fit friends/family to video the ceremony and play it at the reception.  I went to a wedding where they did a destination ceremony with just the bride and groom and then did the reception back home.  They showed the video at the reception, and it was lovely.  We all were able to see the ceremony, even though we couldn't be there; best of both worlds.

     
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    SimplyChic11    December 30, 2011  

    I like it. I would make sure it's safe though! lol. A little tricky maybe but you don't want to put people you WANT to be there in danger ;) I would make the clues a little harder and maybe be sure people I HAD to be there, mom, etc knew how to get there for sure. 

    On another note: I wish I had this idea first! hehe. Love the private-ness of it all. 

     
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    Bumble bee
    imalittlebirdie    May 24, 2014  

    I did not read a lot of the PP so forgive me if this has been said,

    but how about sending ceremony invites to the people you want there,
    and send a reception invite seperately.  that says something along the lines of "please join so and so, in a celebration of thier marrage, and then have some one record the wedding and play it at the reception? That way those that Cannot make it feel included?

     
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    vickyness    December 11, 2010   San Francisco

    Hubs and I did something similar. I love weddings but the idea of having that many eyes on e just scares the crap out of me. Also with my parents wanting to invite their business associates and the large number of extended relatives, it was turning into a circus. I always wanted a small intimate wedding so Hubs and I got married ocean bluffs with only our wedding party and immediate family in attendance and then invited everyone to party it up with us that night at the reception. We hosted the traditional Chinese banquet. That's actually a pretty common tradition in Chinese/Taiwanese cultures where family and friends are invited to only the reception; the wedding ceremony itself was downplayed and the emphasis was on the food and drinking!

     
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    Bumble bee
    globalmargaret    August 25, 2012   Alaska

    Just incase anyone was interested this is the view from the through the river up the mountain location (the puffy white stuff is fog, not snow). I think we are going to do it, but let out guests know that it will be filmed and played at the reception and also that we do not expect them to going us but would be flattered if they would like to make the trek with us to help us start our life long adventure together. Still have to smooth it over with the family first, thank you so much bees for your ideas!

    Small Secret-ish Ceremony...Rude? :  wedding secret outdoor ceremony nature 2

     
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    MrsCarnival    May 19, 2012   Minnesota

    @imalittlebirdie: I second this idea. Sending separate invitation to ceremony and reception is a great idea. The faux pas is usually that anyone invited to the ceremony should be invited to the reception (reason being that you don't want them to feel as though they are goo enough to get you a gift, but not important enough for you to feed them later), but you are doing the opposite which is totally fine!

    Separate invitations are the way to go. People are understanding when it comes to private ceremonies...they just want to be invited to the party Laughing

    Also, maybe rent a nice park or something? You can still be outdoorsy and have it be accessible to your older realtives who might have a difficult time navigating rough terrain.

     
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    Blushing bee
    jeangenie    September 1, 2013   Los Angeles, CA

    You could "elope" in the mountains (either just as a couple or with a select few guests) than have a larger reception. I think the remote, private ceremony aspect is very romantic, but I would hate to get invited to the wedding and be unable to attend due to health issues. If you know some guests won't be able to physically make it to the location, it is much more considerate to not invite them in the first place than to make them feel guilty or inadequate bc they couldn't make it.

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    I think you should do WHATEVER you want and that sounds like a great idea! I think your guests will get a kick out of it, those who are brave enough to attend will have quite a story to tell to the rest of the people at the reception. You can even arrange for someone to tape it and play it on a large screen during your reception, so those who couldn't be there get to see it that day still.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    adnama    July 21, 2012   Langley, Britsh Columbia

    What about video taping it with one of your family's cameras and then hooking it up to a projector at the reception and play it there? That way everyone still gets to see it!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    adnama    July 21, 2012   Langley, Britsh Columbia

    Oh oops, I just saw this was already a plan. So nevermind!

     
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    Buzzing bee
    mmsva    October 9, 2010   Alexandria, VA

    I agree with the record and playback at the reception. I think there should be a ceremony invitation and a reception invitation that everyone gets. I think your ceremony invitation should reflect the playful nature of your ceremony. Like a picture of a mountain with a winding path with the GPS coordinates. "Only for the brave of heart, hardy of soul and a good pair of boots" date and time

    Then on the reception invitation- if your good pair of boots were at the cleaners...join us at blah, blah and re-live our ceremony on the big screen.

     

    I think this sounds awesome and not uncommon. There was a blog, I think called intimate weddings, that often ran posts about couples doing this.

     

     
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    kerensa    May 20, 2013   Ohio

    In my experience it seems like the older guests are the ones that put the most emphasis on tradition, and would most like to be at the ceremony. As a guest, I would like to attend the ceremony, but there is zero chance I would want to hike through the woods first and possibly get hurt/dirty and then go to the reception (it's hard enough to get ready for a wedding let alone physical sport and then a wedding).

    But, at the same time I don't think it's any more rude than having a destinaton wedding or getting married on a holiday weekend or a Thursday or something. Of course, not everyone will be able to attend, but if it suits you better, nothing wrong with that.

     

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