Post # 1
It was our fourth dating anniversary at the beginning of this month.
Two friends have got engaged in the last week. Neither couple has been together as long.
I feel so so so so silly to feel just that little bit envious.
Must repeat to myself: It’s not a competition. It’s not a race. Every relationship follows its own course. Our engagement will not be any less sweet for the extra time we took to wait.
Please help me out, ladies. Need more mantras. Or commiseration. Or something.
Post # 3
You’re right! It isn’t a competition. Honestly, I have to remind myself that 100 times a day as i feel like i’m competing with my best friend to get engaged first. Its about you and your SO and not about who gets engaged or married first!
I find that taking a deep breath and focusing on my relationship helps a lot.
As does wine
Post # 4
I don’t think it’s healty to think of it as a competition, but I think it’s 100% normal to compare your situation to others. Don’t feel silly!
I second the wine, or any other alcoholic beverage! And while you are having a drink, toast to your recently engaged friends happiness (karma!!!!).
Post # 5
I third the wine! It helps… a lot 🙂
Post # 6
I also agree with the wine comments! I have to keep telling myself to enjoy my SO because he is so very wonderful and I love him to death. That doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated that only 2 days after we had another conversation about the engagement, he told me he was thinking about buying a motorcycle. I squashed that one real quick. I’m also trying to find a few more hobbies to keep myself distracted!
Post # 7
Does the “I am a banana” option mean that “I am a man?” lol…i guess i would not choose that one but please don’t lose sleep over this. This is a normal feeling.
I have felt this way about other friends’ engagements – I think a lot of us have been there. It feels bad in the “Why not me?” way but I don’t think it is because it is a competition. You just aren’t where you would like to be right now. It’s ok to recognize this and comfort yourself that this is a natural feeling. Then take a step back and think about how awesome your man is or whatever else is good in your life – it isn’t so bad is it? In fact, I’ll bet there are lots of things that you can point out that are pretty darn awesome. Your time will come too!:)
Post # 8
Thanks ladies :-). Feeling more zen today. It will happen when it happens, et cetera.
@tenacity: Lol, sorry, banana was just the first funny word that came into my head, no more! Possibly not the best choice of words.
Post # 9
I think about it a lot but I’m at a good place where I don’t TALK about it at all, which is where I want to be. I’ve told myself I can’t bring it up myself again until October. I know it can’t happen this year so I don’t want to make things crazier.
You know what’s weird… is KNOWING that it isn’t happening this calendar year has made me WAYYY less crazy.
I’m still crazy though.
Post # 10
No worries, everything will come in due time 🙂
I’ve got the slight feeling that, in the US, people might get into engagement and wedding a wee bit sooner than here in Europe. From what I read on the boards, Bees tend to first be dating for an average of 2 to 5 years before taking a step further towards marital life.
I would say that in my circle of friends (Mostly in France where I am from (PS: sorry for my language mistakes by the way ^^)), people would rather be together for over 8 years before really getting into engagement and wedding-planning (keep in mind that these guys met mostly at high-School so years add up quite quickly when doing a grad/post-grad degree).
I hope it’s not gonna be our case as, even after 3 years including a break, I am already looking forward to formalising our relationship a bit more ^^ Talking about my “boy-friend” as I am nearing 26 sounds a tiny bit odd, especially since the French equivalent of the word is a very teenaged appelation. I won’t be finishing grad-school until another 3 years (sigh….),which will take me to the verge of my 30s and…. aieaieiaie ^^ I think I should get myself ready for a looooong wait! 😀
A little unfortunate, we kind of already “agreed” that I won’t be getting an e-ring nor a wedding band. My partner only sees them as a waste of money…