(Closed) Small vent – why do people say these things??

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1583 posts
Bumble bee

@Oxfordnerd:  lol, it was meant as a joke. Just learn to laugh because in a world full of comedians this wont be the last!

My old uncle said that at my young uncles wedding. During it. He found it sooooo funny but everyone else was mortified. Now we all laugh about it 10 years later. This will be a funny story for you to share with your kids one day.

Post # 5
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

i can’t stand when people say that! i don’t find it funny at all.. i just always tell myself that they must have some personal reason for feeling that way (maybe they are divorced or got cheated on or something) and they are just jealous of people who are truly in love!

Post # 6
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I can appreciate the humor in it. The guy was just being jovial. He doesn’t know me or my beliefs, and with all the divorces and stereotypical complaints in society about marriage, I’d find it amusing and appreciate the randomness of it. He was just joking.

And hey, at least he wasn’t sexist and assumed I’d be offended just because I’m a girl (and usually guys are the ones who are known to be commitment-phobes). I’d have appreciated the remark on that basis also.

 

I like when random people joke with me. It’s risky and I respect it. I mean, people complain too often about others not being personable/friendly/outgoing enough and that nobody can make friends, but then get upset when someone tries to be and says “they’re a total stranger!”. Well… yeah. But how else do you get to know people? Someone has to say something. Without common interest, jokes are by far the best way to break the ice.

Not saying this guy was trying to make friends or anything, but he was just trying to make you smile, not offend you. 

 

I can understand it not being funny to someone, but why is it upsetting?

Post # 7
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s rude. It’s not funny. Some people are not joking.

I have two guys at work who say this to me all the time. I can understand once being funny, but they say it frequently. Ask me when my “funeral” is. Say they want to meet my fiance to “talk him out of it.” Both are bitterly divorced and never remarried.

Post # 8
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That is not cool.  I would hate it if someone that I didn’t know said that to me.  The best you can do is try to laugh it all and not let it ruin your day.  But I know that can be quite hard

Post # 9
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

It is funny. Sort of. But people are often quasi-serious when they say this sort of thing. When FI told his collegues that he was getting married, one of them said: “why bother? Skip to the end. Just find someone that you ******* hate, and give them half of everything you own”. He was going through a divorce at the time.

He also said “women are like snakes. Snakes with tits.”

… meh. So they failed. Doesn’t mean that you will!

Post # 10
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good comebacks: 

“How utterly rude and disrespectful.”

“Okay, I won’t get married if you say I shouldn’t. So, you gonna tell my fiancé for me?”

“Thank god you, a perfect stranger told me not to. I almost did it!”

“I bet the doctor said that to your mom instead of ‘push’!”

“Just because you’re going to die alone doesn’t mean the rest of us have to.”

*bow*

Post # 11
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had a complete random guy say that to me on my hen night as I was pottering past with my veil on, I just laughed at him, he then said it again more seriously, and again I just laughed, just cause it didn’t work out for him doesn’t mean it’s going to be shit for me…. just have to pity them and carry on, whilst laughing it off, don’t let it bother you 

Post # 12
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Who cares what a random stranger thinks about marriage?  I suggest finding something more important to be bothered by.

Post # 13
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Before I was even engaged but knew the ring was coming, I was talking to my Mom and my Sister about it and my BIL goes “Don’t do it”… I was SO upset. I’m pretty close with him and I know he was only joking but I was SO excited about getting engaged and for him to throw that out there before it even happened made me really upset. It’s silly but people say it all the time, don’t usually mean any harm, but to an almost or newly engaged bride, it hurts!

Post # 14
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Yeah while I don’t laugh at those jokes I don’t let them bother me. Some people take marriage as something to be laughed about. That’s just who they are. Perhaps they had a tough marriage that they are still hurting from or someone close to them did. I make jokes about crack heads all the time (I’m never mean to them but I do make jokes) because well my dad is a crack head and it makes me feel better about it. Perhaps humor makes that man feel better about his situation or a situation close to him.

Post # 15
Member
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It’s one of those “jokes” that isn’t funny at all and comes from a place of bitterness, I’m sure. His problem!

Post # 16
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

DH’s Great-Aunt told him she’d buy him a bus ticket if he changed his mind… the night before the wedding.  Apparently as he arrived at the venue she walked up to him and told him “It’s not too late to take that bus ticket.” 

I was a little hurt when I heard about that – it really seemed like she liked me.  But then somebody told me that she was on her 3rd marriage, her husbands kept dying, and the last marriage was for security, not love.  That seemed so sad to me, and I sort of uderstood why she was reminding DH that he didn’t HAVE to get married.  It was her way of saying “Only do this if you really want to – if you’re marrying for love.”

The week before my wedding, I had a coworker who kept saying “Tell him not to do it!”  I eventually told him to pound sand.  That one was a cranky and bitter comment. Those are much worse, and sadly, there are some people who think it’s perfectly appropriate to make them.  Sometimes people suck.

I’m happy to say – people have been quite nice and congratulatory since the wedding – it’s just the lead-up that makes people dumb, I think.

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