Post # 1
From the beginning of my wedding planning, I have been REALLY stressed about the guest list. I knew I didn’t want a big wedding, but it’s quite difficult in my situation. My parents are both helping financially a LITTLE, but not totally (which I am completely fine with). My Dad has 11 brothers and sisters, so his family is huge. And we really aren’t that close to his family, altough I really enjoy them. My Mom’s side is average (4 brothers and sisters), and my Fiance’s family is average size as well. If we invited all of our families and friends, the list would be well over 300.
So, my original plan was to do a TINY destination wedding, and only invite our parents, and really really close family and friends. My mom of course made me feel guilty about this, and made me second guess myself, so i decided to have a small wedding at home (Just have a ceremony and then have a really nice dinner with only close friends and family).
Now, we have somehow lead up to having a semi-small wedding (100 people MAX). We are doing a ceremony and a semi-tradiational reception. I have decided to invite our immediate families, our aunts and uncles, and our cousins (except for cousings from my dad’s side, because we arent close and there are too many) Now I am having some major guilt feelings. I’m feeling like i should have invited EVERYONE or no one. I am also having problems on which of my friends to invite. Some of my not-so-close friends are upset that they aren’t invited.
I am getting ready to send out my invitations, and I am freaking out. I am at the point where i was want to elope, and the stress is really getting to me. I just want to cry 🙁
Anyone have a similar situation or any words of encouragement? I’m having a hard time even being excited about the wedding anymore.
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I honestly don’t know what I’d do… 11 siblings! There’s no easy way to deal with that!
I think you’re going to have to just remind yourself that in this situation there was really NO way to do it all or please everyone. You’ve made cuts that made sense and people who are complaining about it are, frankly, rude.
Give yourself a break. Send the invitations and go get a massage. Take a week off from discussing the wedding (if possible). You WILL get the fun and excitement back, I promise!
Post # 3
prahajess: thank you! some days i’m okay, but lately it’s been getting to me! i think you are right. I will send these invitations out and the guest list will be set in stone! and then i’ll go get a massage! thanks for the advice!
Post # 4
lynzietru: Everyone has to make a decision as to where to draw the line on invitations.
It’s just not possible in the real world to invite everyone we would like to have witness our marriage.
Post # 5
Do you have an A-list? B-List? C-List? If so, start by sending out the ones you know you want. Then as some have declined in coming (there will be some) then send out some from the B-List, and so on. Go with your gut feeling.
Post # 6
julies1949: thank you… i keep telling myself that.
sharksgrl99: yeah… i was thinking of doing the a, b, c lists. My concern is that since I am inviting close family, that everyone will be able to come! but then again, i worry about everything haha.
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
lynzietru: You have to draw the line somewhere and live with it. 100 people is a lot. Think of it this way, even if you only spend 1 minute greeting and thanking each guest it will take over an hour and a half to greet all of your guests.
Doing A, B, and C lists is a great way to organize your invitations. Put guests must invite on A, guests you would like to invite on B, and guests that it would be nice to include if there’s space. Even after sending out invitations to 100 people, there will be some “no’s” and then you can send additional invitations to guests on your B and/or C list.
Post # 8
I am in the SAME exact spot and it is really stressful. My FI and I intended to have an intimate wedding and invite about 50 people, then after being pressured by his side of the family we increased it to 100. Now my MIL is saying that is not even enough. I ordered invitations and am so overwhelmed by what to do that I haven’t even tried to move forward with sending them. I like the A,B and C list and might try that.
Post # 9
I felt guilty and we invited 180! No one gave me any problems. 130 came.
Post # 10
futuremrsdeemac: so you know how i feel! i just keep telling myself this is our day, and that hopefully people will get over it. i’ve had “the talk” with a few of my friends that i have decided not to invite since we just aren’t that close. They say they understand, but who knows if they do.
I guess we just can’t please everyone!
beachbride1216: that’s a good way to look at it. I don’t want to spend my whole night trying to greet everyone. This might sound selfish but i really wanted this day to be about my FI and our love and not about everyone else, just this once.
Post # 11
lynzietru: I haven’t read all the responses so I’m sorry if this is repetitive… I TOTALLY understand this (same issues) so I’m having an immediate family only wedding.
I have 100 people that I’d have to invite on my side of the family plus like 80 from FI’s. Not even including friends! Plus I hate feeling like the center of attention, so we decided on a tiny actual wedding with huge parties later.
The hardest part is no friends, but FI says if we start inviting friends its a slippery slope to 300 people, which terrifies me! So we are having a 10 person wedding, immediate family only and I couldn’t be happier. Is there a way you could do something like that?
Post # 12
lorakath: my original gut instinct told me to only have a tiny tiny wedding like you have chosen to do. Unfortunately, i went against that feeling, and now am in the position i am in today.
It is too late to do that, as I have already sent save-the-dates, and my shower is this weekend. But trust me, a huge part of me wishes i could change my mind!
I know what you mean about the friends. if you invite this one, then you feel you should invite that one, and so on. it gets out of control quick!!! It’s so hard to be in this situation!
i feel a little better about it today, but it still upsets me a lot. and i totally agree about being the center of attention… it just stresses me out!!!
Post # 13
Well, just know that at the end of the (wedding)day it will all be fine…you will be married to the person you love and that’s all that actually matters.
We had a small wedding (hard cap of 60 people for the ceremony) and my mom is also from a giant family (9 siblings) so we decided to only invite aunts and uncles but no cousins. Having a universal rule made it at least easier to explain. That being said, if save the dates are already out there may not be much you can do.
I’ve actually been married twice and I will say, small wedding was the way to go. We were so happy with how it turned out. Sure there are probably 10 friends we feel pretty guilty that we didn’t get to invite but people were generally pretty understanding.
Post # 14
I give you sage words of advice, as I am a MOB to be, not a newbie bride. So, here goes: CHUCK the guilt, and do it now. An “all or nothing” is simply not financially possible, nor practical these days. Even if you had all the $$$ in the world, you would still have SOMEBODY ticked off they were left out. Having said that — enjoy your small wedding.
Back in 1984, I had 210 at my reception. I totally regret that. Absolutely. I wanted small also, but I bowed to my parents who were thrilled at the “event”. So, my hubby and I spent our night greeting fossils, strangers, and some parent’s co-workers who we never event met before! None were gonna pass that shindig up.
Advised my own child: have it small, ONLY folks you are close to. That is ALL. It’s not for “show; it’s not for your folks; it’s for YOU TWO.
Post # 15
lynzietru: i know exactly how you feel!! My mum is one of 18 children, i have on last count 56 first cousins and god knows how many second and third cousins. From the beginning i made it clear to my family that there was no way i could have everyone come to my wedding, being that we were paying for it ourselves. Most people understood and the ones that didnt got their knickers in a knot! I was really upset about the way some of my family reacted but im at a point now where i realise that this is my day and they have no right to treat me this way. I offered for them to come to the ceremony in the beginning if it meant so much to them to see me get married but in the end we went with a small destination wedding that has accomodation for only 68 people.. For me this was problem solved.. I went the opposite way, filled my wedding with my closest friends, then my immediate family and filled the gaps with the family members i am closest to. Admittedly being able to use the excuse that i have limited spots did make it easier but i have come to a point in my life (being that im 40 this year) where i realise that mine and my fiance’s happiness is all that really matters, and on the day none of this stress will even be noticed. You can always do what im doing after my wedding and plan a lovely big outdoor night and invite all the family around, put up a big white canvas and using a projector show photos and your video of your wedding.. we are using a friends beautiful backyard, putting up fairy lights and putting out some light snacks.. Asking people to byo their own alcohol. my bridal party and i are also planning to wear our dresses and suits for the night… How awesome to have the chance to wear your wedding dress again 🙂
Anyway, regardless of the awkwardness now, you will have a beautiful day! Those who get over it will be happy for you and those that cannot understand your situation and so hold a grudge are not worth worrying about. Weddings definately bring out the best and worst in people.. Good luck xx