"Small" Wedding Guest List Problems

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Ugh, I’m so sorry you’re experiencing that. I honestly don’t know what I’d do… 11 siblings! There’s no easy way to deal with that!

I think you’re going to have to just remind yourself that in this situation there was really NO way to do it all or please everyone. You’ve made cuts that made sense and people who are complaining about it are, frankly, rude.

Give yourself a break. Send the invitations and go get a massage. Take a week off from discussing the wedding (if possible). You WILL get the fun and excitement back, I promise!

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

lynzietru:  Everyone has to make a decision as to where to draw the line on invitations.

It’s just not possible in the real world to invite everyone we would like to have witness our marriage.

 

Post # 5
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Do you have an A-list? B-List? C-List? If so, start by sending out the ones you know you want. Then as some have declined in coming (there will be some) then send out some from the B-List, and so on.  Go with your gut feeling. 

Post # 7
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

lynzietru:  You have to draw the line somewhere and live with it.  100 people is a lot.  Think of it this way, even if you only spend 1 minute greeting and thanking each guest it will take over an hour and a half to greet all of your guests.

Doing A, B, and C lists is a great way to organize your invitations.  Put guests must invite on A, guests you would like to invite on B, and guests that it would be nice to include if there’s space.  Even after sending out invitations to 100 people, there will be some “no’s” and then you can send additional invitations to guests on your B and/or C list.

Post # 8
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am in the SAME exact spot and it is really stressful. My FI and I intended to have an intimate wedding and invite about 50 people, then after being pressured by his side of the family we increased it to 100. Now my MIL is saying that is not even enough. I ordered invitations and am so overwhelmed by what to do that I haven’t even tried to move forward with sending them. I like the A,B and C list and might try that.

Post # 9
Member
1590 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I felt guilty and we invited 180! No one gave me any problems. 130 came.

Post # 11
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

lynzietru:  I haven’t read all the responses so I’m sorry if this is repetitive… I TOTALLY understand this (same issues) so I’m having an immediate family only wedding.

I have 100 people that I’d have to invite on my side of the family plus like 80 from FI’s. Not even including friends! Plus I hate feeling like the center of attention, so we decided on a tiny actual wedding with huge parties later.

The hardest part is no friends, but FI says if we start inviting friends its a slippery slope to 300 people, which terrifies me! So we are having a 10 person wedding, immediate family only and I couldn’t be happier. Is there a way you could do something like that?

Post # 13
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Well, just know that at the end of the (wedding)day it will all be fine…you will be married to the person you love and that’s all that actually matters. 

We had a small wedding (hard cap of 60 people for the ceremony) and my mom is also from a giant family (9 siblings) so we decided to only invite aunts and uncles but no cousins. Having a universal rule made it at least easier to explain. That being said, if save the dates are already out there may not be much you can do. 

I’ve actually been married twice and I will say, small wedding was the way to go. We were so happy with how it turned out. Sure there are probably 10 friends we feel pretty guilty that we didn’t get to invite but people were generally pretty understanding. 

Post # 14
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee

I give you sage words of advice, as I am a MOB to be, not a newbie bride.  So, here goes:  CHUCK the guilt, and do it now.  An “all or nothing” is simply not financially possible, nor practical these days.  Even if you had all the $$$ in the world, you would still have SOMEBODY ticked off they were left out.  Having said that — enjoy your small wedding. 

Back in 1984, I had 210 at my reception.  I totally regret that.  Absolutely.  I wanted small also, but I bowed to my parents who were thrilled at the “event”.  So, my hubby and I spent our night greeting fossils, strangers, and some parent’s co-workers who we never event met before!  None were gonna pass that shindig up.

Advised my own child: have it small, ONLY folks you are close to.  That is ALL. It’s not for “show; it’s not for your folks; it’s for YOU TWO.

Post # 15
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

lynzietru: i know exactly how you feel!! My mum is one of 18 children, i have on last count 56 first cousins and god knows how many second and third cousins.  From the beginning i made it clear to my family that there was no way i could have everyone come to my wedding, being that we were paying for it ourselves.  Most people understood and the ones that didnt got their knickers in a knot!  I was really upset about the way some of my family reacted but im at a point now where i realise that this is my day and they have no right to treat me this way. I offered for them to come to the ceremony in the beginning if it meant so much to them to see me get married but in the end we went with a small destination wedding that has accomodation for only 68 people.. For me this was problem solved.. I went the opposite way, filled my wedding with my closest friends, then my immediate family and filled the gaps with the family members i am closest to.  Admittedly being able to use the excuse that i have limited spots did make it easier but i have come to a point in my life (being that im 40 this year) where i realise that mine and my fiance’s happiness is all that really matters, and on the day none of this stress will even be noticed.  You can always do what im doing after my wedding and plan a lovely big outdoor night and invite all the family around, put up a big white canvas and using a projector show photos and your video of your wedding.. we are using a friends beautiful backyard, putting up fairy lights and putting out some light snacks.. Asking people to byo their own alcohol.  my bridal party and i are also planning to wear our dresses and suits for the night… How awesome to have the chance to wear your wedding dress again 🙂

Anyway, regardless of the awkwardness now, you will have a beautiful day! Those who get over it will be happy for you and those that cannot understand your situation and so hold a grudge are not worth worrying about. Weddings definately bring out the best and worst in people.. Good luck xx

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