Post # 1
I am planning my wedding with the man of my dreams who I’ve finally found and he wants it to be perfect for me. Unfortunately, I love him so much I want to make him happy too. We want to get married in the town where we met at Mohonk Mountain House. I would prefer if we had a small wedding there, with only immediate family; parents, grandparents and maybe his sister and her husband. Now he’s saying he wants to invite his guy friend and his wife and another guy friend from childhood! He says he already told them they would be the only “non-family” invited. I don’t even want to invite my girl friends who I’m close with to the ceremony. We had agreed to have a wedding celebration with all our friends and family some time in the future after the actual wedding day and just throw a huger than ever party for all. I wish I could accept his friends at the ceremony but I just want my parents/grandparents and his parents/grandparents and no one else. He has started to complain and make me feel really guilty about not wanting to invite these friends of his. I like his friends and I don’t mind them coming to a celebration after the ceremony but as for our ceremony I want that to be very very small and special.
I need some advice and perspective. This is a huge decision for me and I don’t want to regret my choices in the future. Should I let friends into my ceremony to keep my future husband happy or make them wait till we have a huge party with everyone? I hate feeling like a [email protected]…
Post # 3
We are just having close family at our ceremony and a bigger reception with all of our friends afterwards. Just be honest with him, he should understand.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Let him invite 3 people so you can have an intimate ceremony. A wedding (just like a marriage) is about the bride and the groom. He has agreed to a tiny ceremony so you win and all he wants is to invite an additional 3 people that will make it feel like his special day too. I say you should compromise on this (yay, first compromise of your marriage!)
Post # 5
You’re not being a bitch. If you want it to be family for the ceremony, keep it that way. Ask FI to tell the guy friend/wife/childhood friend that the ceremony will be extremely tiny and just family, but they’re welcome to the big as all get out bash you’re throwing later! If I were the friend, I’d totally understand. Planning a wedding, no matter how small, is stressful.
That’s just me. I have no problem telling people things, regardless of etiquette. I don’t know if that’s not cool, but that’s what I would do.
Post # 6
@DeliciousDiva52: We’re doing the same, but thinking about when we’re getting ready… I have 2 sisters plus his sister and our moms, and he’ll only have our dads and my brother-in-law so I’ve told FI that if he wants a friend there then that’s fine. My worst nightmare would be him getting ready without any of his close friends and getting cold feet with no one to talk some sense into him! Maybe these friends are like family to him? Maybe you could have one attandant each and choose a friend of your own? I understand that once you open up to more than just FAMILY that it opens the whole issue of “who’s on the A list?” but marriage is also about comprimise. Talk to him and find out why he wants these friends?
Post # 7
@DeliciousDiva52: Oh and on the flip side…. think about how awkward it will be for these friends while you’re taking family portraits etc.
Post # 8
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think we need more information. I will just say right now that “family” is more than the people you are related to by birth and marriage. How close is he to these friends? Mr. LK is an only child and his parents have both passed on. His friends ARE his family because he barely has any bio family left. In our situation there was no way that I could have denied his desire to have certain non-relatives there because he truly has a brother-type bond with some of his friends. Just some food for thought.
Post # 9
@AllieBee12: I am starting to think I’ll invite one of my close friends and he can invite his childhood friend. I don’t want his other guy friend/wife though because I don’t really want to invite either of them. They aren’t talking to one of my friends because there’s some history that I don’t know about behind all of “that” which I don’t want to involve into my ceremony. It would put a curse on the whole thing!