(Closed) Small Wedding List Backlash

posted 5 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A live-in girlfriend is pretty much a must-invite, especially if she is the mother of the cousin’s son.  The fact that you’ve never met her probably does sting a lot– it feels like having a stranger at the party— but that needs to be set aside. They are a family unit and should not be split up.

Post # 4
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

They live together and the young son is theirs?  She needs to be invited if so.  If not, why did you invite the son?  It would have been better to just invite the cousin and his live-in girlfriend.  Obviously, a live-in girlfriend is different than a flavor of the month.  But if that’s where you drew the line I understand; she probably feels more slighted that you invited everyone in her household (even a child) but not her so she might think you don’t like her.

Post # 7
27 posts
  • Wedding: October 2012

@KelannaDC:  My wedding is almost the exact same thing as your. We wanted 40 tops and we invited 62. Of course we got the dreaded +1 questions and we stuck to our rule. My Fiance cousin asked if he could bring his long time girlfriend (which neither of us has ever met) and I told him that we really wanted our wedding to be about our family and close friends and people who actually know us and our relationship. To be perfectly honest, if your cousin really cares about being there for you on your day he will be there. We had to be firm with our guest because if we made excuses for one, we would have to make them for everyone. Also, a lot of things can change in the course of 10 months. If down the line you see that people are declining for other reasons, you could budge and ask her to come. I will you all the best. I am almost two weeks away from my wedding and I am thrilled, I am sure you will too

Post # 8
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah, sorry, I think you’re in the wrong here. Inviting live-in partners or spouses is a pretty basic thing.

And inviting her son too, but not her?? Ouch. That must have really felt like a snub.

Just remember – you know your intent, but they don’t. I would have been REALLY insulted to be on the other end of that invitation without a discussion first.

I would accept this means that cousin & son won’t be there. And I’d prepare myself for some family hard feelings on it too – in my opinion, rightfully so.

Post # 9
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

wouldnt this be a perfect opportunity to get to know her though? and start building a relationship? 

Post # 10
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well the thing is, you can hope people don’t take it personally all you want, but they still will. When people live together, they are a package deal, even if they’re not married. The time of day doesn’t change that.  It’s very poor manners to not keep them together– imagine if you sent them a fruit basket as a gift and addressed it to only the cousin and his son. That’s an indirect way of saying “Girlfriend, you don’t get to have any of these pears.”  The wedding invite is the same kind of thing. You’re saying “cousin, we want you to be part of celebrating us becoming a family, but we don’t want you to actually bring your own family.”  


Post # 13
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Nini1985:  “To be perfectly honest, if your cousin really cares about being there for you on your day he will be there”

Do not ever put someone in a position where they must choose between their SO and you. You will always lose. If your cousin’s girlfriend is really hurt over not being invited, I would fully expect your cousin not to attend. If the girlfriend doesn’t care one way or the other, that’s a different story, but if she’s hurt, a good man would be loyal to her, not to you, and decline your invite rather than going and expecting his partner to magically get over it.

Post # 14
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No. Just no. You have to invite not only MARRIED couples (that’s a huge offense to someone to not invite their married partner!!), but this man’s girlfriend. You need to cut corners somewhere else – not as many long-lost cousins, or something. I would definitely not attend a wedding to which my husband wasn’t even allowed the courtesy of an invite. There’s no way that someone will not take this personally, and for you to treat it so cavalierly is surprising to me. That’s a definite etiquette breach.

Post # 16
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I understand wanting to keep the guest list down, but in this case, I would extend the invite- and include ALL married/long-term partners.

We included dates for live-ins and those who had dated for over a year. Your cousin and his Girlfriend are in a long-term relationship. If the situation was reversed, how would you feel if they hadn’t invited your wife? Would you still go to a wedding without her?

You may want to revamp your guest list- I realize you want an intimate day, but I can see a lot of hurt feelings coming out of only one spouse/partner being invited to a wedding. If someone invited just Darling Husband and not me to a wedding, I’d be pi$$ed off. If your guest list goes over, maybe find other ways to adjust your budget.

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