Small wedding or elopement?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Riesz:  First of all I feel you. I wanted to elope (I think it’s super romantic) but both my FI and I are very close with our families so we decided they should be involved, then FI wanted his best friends too, so I invited mine… Then he started talking about others and I had to put my foot down and say no. Let me just say that starting a marriage with people mad at you is not the way to do it. Don’t do that to your Mom. But also understand that a small destination wedding/elopement with family will still cause a lot of the same issues a larger weddings. Whatever you choose be happy with it and don’t let others make you feel bad. 

Post # 4
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Riesz:  

Would a small intimate destination be possible with those guests (sounds like 7 guests)?  Where were you considering and would that exclude any of those people?

I would actually tell the parents straight up – look I am looking into an intimate wedding with our parents and a few extra people.   However, I am really scared that you guys may create some drama for me.  Please help me by avoiding all drama.  If I feel things are getting too complicated, FI and I will consider an elopement.

Does that sound blackmailish?  I don’t care – I think it needs to be laid out on the table!

The best way that I can think of to get your mom out of your hair is to not share any details with her or talk about the wedding.  Perhaps she is going to ask, but you need to answer briefly and then change the subject on to her.

As for a shower – well showers can only have guests who are at the wedding.  So by that rule, only your mom, grandma, FSIL, FMIL can attend!  So let your mom know that etiquette rule and hopefully that will stop any shower planning.

Post # 5
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

We eloped.  Frankly I was raised to believe that weddings are a PITA for most poeple so do everyone a favor and elope!  My family had no issues with us.  They even told me up front they would not be able to make it my immediate family only wedding (which is what we were planning prior to the elopement).  I think dad’s attitude about weddings is really engrained in them!

Post # 8
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Riesz:  Well you do not HAVE to hang out with your guests as a DW for the entire duration.  You just tell them the day before the wedding there is X activity and Y welcome dinner.  The wedding is the next day and then you start your honeymoon that night.  Just be upfront with expectations.  Be prepared for not all of your 7 guests wanting to vacation where you chose however.

 

We eloped to Canada and the lodge took care of everything.  Really, we just showed up with our outfits and shoes and that’s it.  THey did the rest.  H’s parents were our witnesses.  We saw them for a total of 3 nights and 2 days, but then after the wedding dinner we said good bye and that was it.  I really think that is the way to go personally.

 

If you don’t want to make them travel somewhere they don’t want to for a vacation, or feel guilty about not spending every day with them on vacation, what about just keeping it small and local?

Is everyone in the same general area?  Have that small 7 guest wedding wherever is the closest (lovely park, church, etc), go to a nice restauarnt with them afterwards maybe get your own private room, then take off for your own honeymoon?  That can be very special, low key, and intimate.

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Riesz:  It is really hard to figure this out!  I was there too.  We changed our idea about a million times.  Five different states, and three different countires – like fully researched and planned. Lordy!

 

So something else that we did, because we saved money on that Canadian elopement, we were able to go and fly to our wedding guests.  We originally had a DW planned for Jackson Hole, WYand sent out STDs and everything.  That was cancelled 4 months before the day.

After we eloped, we flew to many different states and visited our would be wedding guests.  So far we’ve been to Oregon, Washingon, Indiana, California, Colorado.  Our Massachusetts friends came to us for a vacation.  We have left to visit Arizona (this fall) and Vermont.

You could have two celebration parties, but one wedding.  Invite the close ones, and whoever cannot make it let them know you’ll be coming to them for a nice dinner or something like that.

Post # 11
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@Riesz:  My first wedding was very small, 35 people total. No dinner, just ceremony and cake. I never regretted it. It ended in divorce, but the actual wedding was lovely and I always felt like it would be a waste of money to spend more. This time we plan on justice of the peace-ing it. Because I just feel like there are so many other things I could do with that money, none of our family members could attend except maybe my mom and sister, and we don’t have a billion friends. I suppose after the actual ceremony we might have a small party at our house. I’m not even buying a white dress. My mother’s second wedding was in her livingroom, just the immediate family and we all went to the Olive Garden afterward. It was intimate and personal and we had a nice time.

Post # 12
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

How about a small wedding – maybe even a courthouse wedding in Canada, then a small party near your family a few weeks after the honeymoon?  Then your Mom can plan away all she wants and you probably won’t care that much since you’ve already been through all the big stuff ;).

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