Post # 1
I have been eyeing my ceremony venue for over a year now. I know that’s pretty early to be looking since I was far from being engaged. This venue can fit a maximum of 36 people. I knew from the start that I would have a small guest list because I want my wedding to be private and personal. Plus, we have a tight budget and a small wedding will work perfectly for that. It won’t be difficult to make a short guest list because my fiance and I don’t have big families.
Today at school, most of my classmates were congratulatory and happy for my engagement. A few of them were asking if they were invited to the wedding and some already think they are! My school program is pretty close knit, so i’m sharing classes with these same people for 2 years straight (I have less than one year left). I didn’t intend to invite any of them because for one, they never even met my fiance; two, if I invite one or two of them I would have to invite them all or else they would be even more offended; and, three, they all wouldn’t fit my dream venue. I explained all my reasons to them, most were understanding but one girl was just really rude about it and kept pestering me. I offered to invite her to the reception (reception will probably be larger anyways), and she said “no, it’s not the same… Well it’s a year away you can still change your plans. You can at least have a bridal shower so we can be a part of the celebration”
I feel really awkward about all this. If my ceremony venue magically opened up and allowed more people, I still wouldn’t want to invite her because I felt animousity today. She asked about my wedding date, after my response, she said “Wow, You’re really jumping the gun, huh?” I felt offended for her to assume that I was rushing my relationship. Afterall, I will have been with him for almost 5 years by the wedding date… and the last year of our relationship has been long distance because of the military. She may have been referring to my age, but still… it was kind of mean. I feel the only reason they are interested in coming is because of the food, decorations, music, and atmosphere. They don’t know anything about my fiance or how we grew as a couple and I find those to be significant qualities for our guests to have. I wasn’t even intending on having a bridal shower! It sounds so wrong to invite people to a bridal shower and not have them at the actual wedding. Is it possible to have a bridal shower sans the gifts? If I did choose to have a bridal shower with them, I would feel really bad accepting gifts because they won’t be coming to the actual wedding. I don’t know what to do…
Post # 3
She’s being ridiculous. If you don’t want to have a bridal shower, you don’t have to have one! If she wants to share in your joy, she should be gracious and congratulate you instead of trying to shake you down for an invitation.
I’m assuming she is unmarried, based on her rude comments and the fact that you are still in school, so it’s possible she doesn’t understand how planning a guest list works – but you explained it to her already, and she needs to get over it and move on. If she wants to be invited to colleagues’ weddings, then she needs to start acting like an adult.
Post # 4
You’re right! >_< I shouldn’t try and set up an entire bridal shower party when the majority of my classmates are content with just seeing pictures after the event. I guess I just wanted to vent. I was really bothered by her reaction…
Post # 5
Don’t let anyone pressure you into doing what you don’t want to do because if you do, from that point on, it’s going to make you miserable and make you regret it. Write down you and FI’s priorities now and try to stick to them. If budget and a small guest list is your priority, then that’s fine. Do you really think she would invite you to her wedding if it was her planning her small intimate affair?
Post # 6
Just remind her that it’s an intimate family only wedding ceremony and reception. She’s being rude.
Post # 7
My ceremony location only allows 25 total at the location. Which worked out like you because we want a small personal wedding! I ran into this problem as well, I just kept the answer simple..we are keeping it to immediate family and long time friends. If they ask more about it, tell the truth (half of it) ceremony only allows x number of people…sorry! I have been using my ceremony number as the excuse for everything 🙂
To be honest she sounds jealous. Maybe she has been waiting a long time for a ring or still hasn’t found a relationship that would lead to a ring. Ignore it, I mean who knows she may not even be in any of your classes when the wedding happens, things change!
Post # 8
This is the first of many wedding things you’ll have to stand firm on. People, and I mean everybody, will have an opinion or idea of how things “should” be done. Stick to your plans and just politely tell her you’re really sorry, but it just isn’t happening.
Post # 9
I agree with you all. I feel kind of like a push over for even considering having a bridal shower just to make them happy. This woman i’m writting about isn’t in a relationship so its possible that she is just jealous… I still didn’t expect her to react this way, she’s one of my closer friends at school. I think for now on, it would be best for me to keep my wedding planning, hush hush. I imagine if I don’t talk about it, it will blow over and people can forget about it. >_<
Post # 10
This will be the first of many such moments, when someone make you feel awkward because they are being presumptuous and rude. The first few ones are the hardest, while you learn how to handle them, but over time you’ll learn to take a deep breath, smile, and just repeat yourself over and over while they try to crack you so they can snag an invite, or bend you to their vision of how some part of your wedding should be. The most important thing is to take those moments in stride so you don’t let them drag on your happiness.
Post # 11
It was rude of her to ask if she was invited and it sounds like she’s really catty and possibly jealous. Don’t feel badly about not being able to invite everyone that wants to go to a free party, feel glad about getting your dream venue.
Post # 12
@Zalea17: I don’t think you’re a pushover. Just don’t let anyone make you second-guess what you want 🙂