Post # 1
I need some advice. FI and I have been engaged forever and were planning on getting married in June. We just found out that FFIL has cancer and it’s really not looking good, so we’re thinking of moving up the wedding to Christmas time or spring break (I’m still in school doing another degree). This alone is making me so sad and scared for FI and his family. And then moving the wedding just freaks me because I thought I knew how things would be, and now they’re going to be way different. We’ll have to quickly get ouR Catholic wedding prep done and change the photog booking and give up the down payment on our venue etc etc
Because we’re moving things around we want to just have immediate family there, but we’ve been engaged for so long that everyone on our original guest list (aunts uncles cousins friends) knows about our wedding and expects to be invited.
I’m wondering whether I should let me family know about the change via email or phone, or if that would be weird given I haven’t invited them yet. im not close at all with my mom’s side of the family and don’t know that they’d even hear about the illness or our plans because my side of the family never talks to that side.
i don’t want anyone to feel slighted or upset. What would you do?
Post # 2
everridiculous: mt FI lost his mother to cancer in April after a 10 year battle. I know how scary it is, and I just want to offer my condolences. Its a terrible and scary thing to go thru.
Honestly, (etiquette police, don’t kill me!) I’d send out an email. You have bigger fish to fry, rather than worrying about everyone’s feelings. First and foremost, you are responsible only to yourself and FI. If getting married before FFIL turns for the worse is what you want, then you do that.
Post # 3
everridiculous: Nobody will feel slighted if you have to change your wedding plans due to an illness. Anyone who does is seriously not worth the time. Honestly, I would spread the news through word of mouth. It would feel weird to put it in an email. Good luck.
Post # 4
everridiculous: First of all, my condolences to you and your FI. I’m sorry to hear that 🙁
This is not the same situation, but friends of ours eloped, got settled, then had a “big” wedding. What about having a small, intimate affair with immediate friends and family for FFIL’s sake and keeping your original plans? Is that a possibility?
Post # 5
Email is fine.
I would however, do as many phone calls as possible so you can let people know one-on-one that FFIL is not well. I would do it for anyone who would remotely know him or who has ever met him who’s comming to your wedding.
Post # 6
I think an email is a great idea.
And everybody should understand the situation. If they don’t, don’t worry about it. Focus on getting your FFIL to the wedding.
Post # 7
I’m with PP and I think that an email is sufficient. If people don’t understand then they aren’t thinking straight. Also for the family you aren’t close with or don’t know well, get your mother to help you spread the word. It’s her family and she will understand how much stress you’re under already, you could use the help.
My condolences to you and your soon to be family, this won’t be an easy road. My best friend’s FFIL was diagnosed shortly before their wedding and their first year of marriage was very bumpy with his ups and downs, they came out the other side stronger and closer than they could have imagined. Chin up, there will be light at the end of the tunnel!
Post # 8
Thank you all for your kind words! I think that smaller is definitely the way to go, especially now that we’ll be moving in together (and out of our families’ homes) about six months earlier than we’d planned. There’s suddenly so much to do.<br /><br />I really appreciate the advice regarding the emailing/word of mouth dilemma. I’m thinking of phoning my extremely chatty aunt and telling her – she’ll be able to spread the news fast enough.