- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
Having some difficulty w the FILs and not quite sure how to smooth things out before the wedding in 3 weeks. We’ve been engaged since last October, and since then had received no offers to help, no questions asked, no real signs of interest from them. This really didn’t bother me at all since it seemed like a non-dramatic, not too many cooks in the kitchen type event. FI didn’t seem worried about it and just said that his fam would be happy to be there, and that all the effort I was putting into choosing a nice meal, picking out decorations, designing invites, all that, was not necessary bc that kind of stuff wasn’t important.
Well, then our invitations went out, and wham bam no one on his side is happy. They didn’t like the wording of the invitations (my parents are hosting the reception and that is clear from the invite, but it’s not a non-traditional format by any means), one of his aunt’s got lost in the mail and although his mom knew about it for ~3 weeks didn’t bother to tell us until after the RSVP date had passed and major drama/gossip had insued (ppl claiming we were trying to “divide” the family), his sister isn’t thrilled that she’s not a bridesmaid (partially because my initial bridal party was 1, then went to 3 but no family, and if I add her it would be weird not to add several other people, and she constantly talks about herself and how swamped she is w her job/husband/kids, so it didn’t seem like a good fit, nor are we close at all and she’s quite a bit older) and she doesn’t like the timing of our honeymoon (2 weeks immediately following the wedding – her exact words were “that stinks”). They also didn’t like that he didn’t invite enough ppl, even though our venue holds 84 and he already has 25% more ppl. They also didn’t like that they didn’t know what our colors were… honestly who makes a big deal out of that and why can’t someone just call and ask if they care? Apparently some of them also couldn’t figure out how to fill out the RSVP card (just asked for names and menu choice) and I have no idea why that was hard or why that was a bad thing. Feels like a lot is being made out of nothing, like they thought “all wedding have drama” so they decided to go all crazy.
The most annoying part of this is that we find out about all this 2nd or 3rd person about 2 or 3 weeks after the problem is first identified, and after his fam (which lives in another town about an hour away) has had plenty of time to talk it up amongst themselves before they bother to ask us about anything. This also leaves us with not a lot of time to remedy things.
It’s hard not to feel like all they’ve done is complain, and I’ve possibly taken it too personally but there have definitely been a lot of tears over what seems to me like people complaining that they never acted like they cared to begin with. I think I’m also very confused/hurt bc no one on my side has had anything to say besides “looking forward to it” or “thanks for inviting us” and no one on his side has said anything like that, and I don’t feel that they were treated any differently. I will say that my mom knew our wedding colors, but that’s because she asked us – not a hard thing to do. The biggest problem is probably w his sister, who knows my thoughts on the situation and thinks that I’m being immature and have disrespected them by not doing enough to include them in the first place. I don’t feel like I can argue that point w her any more nor do I feel like I’m at a point where I have much more time/energy to put into this before the wedding (again bc FI has not been very involved and no one else is helping at all, which is okay but does make me rather busy).
Any ideas on easy ways to smooth things over, nice gestures that don’t take a lot of time (going to visit his fam isn’t an option -their work hours and ours are almost opposites) but would be meaningful would be greatly appreciated.