(Closed) smothering mother in law

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that is fair. Why don’t you and your FI just refrain from telling her the next time you go down? Or why doesn’t he come up to visit you?

Post # 4
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

No, you are totally in the right.  The two of you are newlyweds right now and only have a couple days a month to spend with each other.  Maybe your husband could speak with his mom and let her know that while y’all both love the visits and that you are touched that she wants to see you, but that with the small amount of time you have together that the two of you want to spend some alone time together.  I don’t see how she could be offended by the two of you declining her visits so you can work on the start of your marraige.  Good luck!!!!!

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I agree. I’d just not tell her every time you’re coming to town, or if that’s not going to work have your FI say that this time you are just going to be newlyweds. She will assume that is code and not want to be anywhere near you 🙂 Just make sure you see her every second time so she doesn’t get offended! I think it’s sweet she wants to see you but you can definitely have too much of a good thing.

Post # 6
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I guess she puts the “mother” in “smother.”

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  You could ask your husband to hide your next visit from her.  Or you could ask your husband to let her know that you’d like some private time.  I think that being honest is best, but something like this should probably come from him.

Post # 7
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Maybe for the next visit plan a couple of activities that will keep you guys busy and let her know you want to do them by yourselves.  I think its probably hard for her to understand why she can’t visit if you guys are just “hanging out” but maybe if you have activities planned then it will make more sense to her.  

Maybe plan for a theme park visit during one day, dinner reservations at a nice place that evening, and a shopping trip or something the following day.  

I think once you get through one weekend turning her down, you can kinda use the excuse more frequently.   Have him just say, Mom we are really busy this weekend and you coming up to see us wouldn’t be a good weekend.  

Also, maybe see if your husband can do a few visits to his mother on the weekends when you aren’t around.  Some of it may be that she wants to see him too, so if he goes over to see her more frequently maybe she will leave you guys alone when you come to town.  

Post # 8
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’d be asking my hubs to set some boundaries with visits. Limit them to every other visit at most, and maybe every other time you see her, go to her so that you can control how long the visit lasts. The longer you wait to set boundaries, or have him chat with his mom about some much needed alone time, the harder it could be as she gets set in with a routine…

Post # 9
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Tell her you love her but need time alone with DH! Maybe make a trip to see HER once a month, too 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Tell her that your time “this time” islimited, but would she like to meet you somewhere for lunch?

Be VERY glad you don’t have a MIL from hell. Many women here do.

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ah, I just realized that you said you don’t see your HUSBAND more often than twice a month.

Ya, i agree with the others then. Polite honesty is needed. Tell her you love spending time with her, but you really need to have some time alone with you hubby. I am sure she will udnerstand- she is trying to make you part of the family, and that is really sweet.

Post # 12
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

you know, from the post title I thought you were one of the girls with a dragon for a MIL and that you were fantasising about physically Smothering her, with a pillow or something, lol…

Yeah you may set the man on this job. And if you’re not available to her visit just once, it’ll get easier to say no some of the subsequent occasions.

Post # 13
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry to hear she’s being difficult.  I would rather not deal with people directly, so I would do what others have suggested and just not tell her when you’re coming in to town.

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