Post # 1
My DH’s best man’s GF (follow that?) has been making some snarky comments lately and it’s really getting to me! Namely she says things about weddings that she thinks are tacky or gauche, and starts naming things that WE did at our wedding! (Which she refused to come to, BTW!) It’s really annoying because she’s not even engaged! She’ll say “Well I’m not doing (such n such) at MY wedding…” but he isn’t even thinking about putting a ring on her finger! I don’t know what part of it all angers me more: that she’s snarking on things from my wedding, that she refused to go to the wedding, or that she’s talking about her own wedding which isn’t even a definite yet! Grr…sorry, end rant. Does anyone else know how to deal with this? I don’t want to be rude, but she’s grinding my last nerve! Help!
Post # 3
either ignore her or tell her it bothers you. obviously she’s just projecting her frustrations on you. perhaps tell her to get back to you when A. she gets engaged AND B. she gets married.
i’m curious, why didn’t she come to your wedding? i’m sure it was the best, considering her (still) rude behavior.
Post # 4
Sounds like she’s just jealous, honestly. She’s probably itching for a ring, and her man hasn’t given her one. When some people are like that, they just have nothing nice to say at all. She’s rude, but I’m not sure there is a whole lot you can do about it unless you wanted to be rude back, but I suggest not stooping to her level. You could always not attend her wedding 😉 (if it ever happens)
Post # 5
She’s jealous and just really wants to be engaged. Ignore her – I know that’s going to be hard but it sounds to me like she’s just being a hater b/c she wants something you already have.
I have a very close single friend who had been acting similarly and she admitted to me that she is jealous b/c she “wants what I have so badly”.
Post # 6
I hate it when people act that way. I’m usually the type that will listen to them say their negative things and in my own way point it out to them that I did XYZ for whatever reason and they start to back track. It at least allows me to get it off my chest and let them know that they can’t push me around. I’m a very soft, sweet spoken person. So lots of domiante people try to be snarky to me.
Post # 7
When someone annoys me like that, I try to remind myself to pity them. Then I feel sorry for them, and the irritation dissipates a bit…
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2010 - Ceremony - First United Methodist Church; Reception - My parents' house!
That’s so rude. I’m sorry. I’d try to ignore her, because it sounds like she may be out of the picture soon anyway. 🙂
Post # 9
Yikes! I agree with the “she’s jealous” answer. That’s really sad because we’ve almost all been in that state of pre-engaged anticipation.
The best advice is just to ignore her, but you can think a snappy comeback in your own mind, like “my wedding was awesome, and I’m glad you weren’t there to spoil it with your comments.” Here’s another one, “you’ve got plenty of time to plan, honey!”
If you do have to be around her in a friendly situation, if the 4 of you hang out, I’d want to know why she didn’t come to your wedding. In this case, my response (not just a private thought) would be something like, “isn’t that what’s so great about weddings? Each couple gets to have a day that’s just about them and what they want. It’s such a time of love, friends, and family.”
Post # 10
Thanks for the advice yall! I think the pity thing might work because it’ll keep all my snark to myself.
The reason she didn’t come to the wedding is still unclear to me, she knew before anyone (since her BF was the first person we told!). She was coming, then she moved to Boston, then all the sudden she says she can’t afford to come to the wedding (3 weeks out BTW). Then she visited her BF (in California) the next TWO consecutive weekends while we were on our honeymoon. I’m no expert, but I’m guessing that two round trip tickets are more expensive than one round trip ticket. The only thing we can guess is that she couldn’t come to the wedding because she can’t be happy for us when she’s not getting what she wants. I feel bad for the best man because our wedding caused a lot of stress on his relationship since he’s not ready to take the plunge, and seeing us get engaged and then married sent her into a ring frenzy. Poor guy, he doesn’t know what to do! I guess I’ll chalk it all up to jealousy and avoid every having to speak to her lest any of your witty suggestions pass these lips.
Post # 11
I’ll guess she didn’t go to the wedding, because it would upset her more. Perhaps at the beginning of your engagement, she thought there would be a proposal for her, before too long. Since that obviously didn’t come to fruition before your wedding, she probably felt that it would be a miserable day for her. Maybe be thankful she didn’t go. She might have brought down the best man on your wedding day. (I don’t know these folks or how long they’ve been dating. But I could see, otherwise decent girls, going off the deep end, if they’re waiting and waiting for their bfs to propose. -Not that I’m saying her actions are OK.)
I agree, more than anything, pity her. She’s trying to bring down other people’s happy days, to try to make herself feel better. I can be a bit passive, but I would probably just let it go. But maybe if you catch her in the act of saying something snarky, you could give her a dose of reality ;).