Post # 1
Ok. so this is a terribly bad habit, but I sometimes check my husband’s browsing history on his computer. Not all the time, just sometimes. I’m mostly curious, but I’m also a bit insecure so I get jealous when he looks at pretty girls on Facebook. I know y’all are going to say something about trust issues, but I do trust him… I don’t think he’d ever cheat on me, so I’m not sure what I’m really looking for, but I look anyway!
This morning, I saw that he searched match.com for women in our city. I know that in the past, he’s gone onto match.com to browse through women for his brother, but his brother lives in a totally different city. WHY would he be searching for women in our city? It’s just bizarre to me and it really bothers me. He looked at maybe 10-12 different women’s profiles.
I want to ask him about this, but I’m not sure how to bring it up. I’m not a good communicator and I don’t like confrontation. Help 🙁
Post # 3
Ohh wow. I totally look at my FIs browser history! If I saw that he’d been looking at match.com I would defnitiely ask him what that’s about! I would just say out straight, “hey I saw you were looking on match.com…what’s that about”? My Fiance and I are very good at communicating so personally I’d have no problem just bringing it up. Good luck!
Post # 4
His brother would want him to find matches for him, or is this a liberty he has taken upon himself?
Regardless, something smells funny, and I think you should just talk about! I know confrontation sucks, but if you avoid really important stuff, it could lead to devastating things in the future!
Hope its nothing, and everything is okay!
Post # 5
Maybe you should start with “so hey, is your brother moving into town?” Then if he says no, say oh that’s interesting because I noticed…that way if something is going on he’s already screwed himself out of that lie…
Post # 6
Maybe he knows you snoop? Just a theory!
Post # 7
Well… the whole “I trust him but I search his internet history on a regular basis even though I have no actual reason to suspect he’s cheating on me” is a GINORMOUS contradiction. Can you be honest with yourself here? You don’t trust him. Or you wouldn’t be looking to catch him in something like this.
On to the match.com thing -it might be something awful, and it might (and likely is) nothing. I look through those just for fun sometimes, or to find a dude from HS because a friend says she saw his profile. So ask yourself now, will you feel like an absolute idiot if he says “yeah I was looking for fun/ for a friend/ some other completely reasonable explanation – and PS why are you snooping on me?” Or do you feel like its worth confronting him?
If you bring this up – you will need to confront the fact that you don’t trust him. There’s no way around that. So its really up to you to decide if you want to go down that road.
Post # 8
I would be like WTF??
I would also talk with him about what you had found, and see what response he comes up with when put on the spot..
Post # 9
I’ll admit, I’ve totally looked at profiles before for various reasons. There’s been times when I’ve seen the ad on the side of the screen and thought the picture was funny then I just kept going. I wasn’t looking for anything, I wasn’t even that curious, just bored.
Post # 10
His brother has a match profile… and he hasn’t had much luck on the dating scene at all, so I’m sure that’s why my hubs got involved, but I’m not sure if his brother asked for help, or if he offered his brother help. Either way though, why the hell is he looking at women in our city?
@j_jaye: yeah, maybe he does. Maybe it’s a trap. And if so, he’s about to catch me.
@mandypop: I’m not sure if it’s worth the confrontation. Because I’m 97% sure it’s nothing. It just boggles my mind, and I don’t know why he’d be searching for women. So I could try to push it away and forget about it, but it just bugs me and I don’t think I can. And I do trust him. I’m just insecure. And because I’m insecure, I don’t feel worthy of my husband sometimes. And because I don’t feel worthy, I feel like another woman might be. And so I guess, when I look, deep down I expect to see him starting to talk to another woman maybe. But I know that is folly because he has a good heart, and I really do not think he’d actually cheat! And especially not several months into a new marriage!
@ashkat: that’s fantastic. That’s how it should be. Short and sweet. No drama. No holding it in thinking of the worst case scenario. No emotions. Just open honest communication.
Post # 11
I agree with some of the other ladies, its probably nothing. I occasionally look at profiles for fun or because im bored. I am completely commited to my Fiance, its just for fun!
Post # 12
“Hey, how’s the Match.com search going? Anything I can do to help?”
Post # 13
Honestly, you don’t trust him on every level if you’re snooping. I would be concerned if there’s any communication, but other than that, it’s probably just browsing to browse.
Post # 14
[content moderated for snark]
Post # 16
@KatyElle: ahahahaha that’s why i always love your posts…