Post # 1
How do you control your urge to snoop on your SO? I really don’t think there are any major red flags in my relationship, but my urge to snoop is off the charts some days. He just left the room to go to the bathroom and I wanted SO badly to look at his computer history. UGH!!!!! I walked away and didn’t look but it was SO hard.
Post # 3
haha i’ve done it before.
mainly his facebook cause one day he left it open when he left my house, and i wanted to see if he had messaged anyone about me (think like, predating when i would talk forever with my friends about him. nothing. stupid boys and their lack of communication :P)
Post # 4
nah i usually leave his email/facebook / laptop stuff alone.. but when hes texting i’m like “whos that?” or if hes on the phone i do sometimes listen in for a few seconds (just a few seconds peeps…especially if hes talking about us or the wedding!)
Post # 5
I can’t say I’ve ever snooped, and thankfully I haven’t felt I’ve had a need to. We are pretty open with each other and we pretty much see what the other is doing, and so on.
Also, when he’s on the phone with someone (it’s usually his family) and his phone is so old, that it sounds like it’s permanently on speaker phone haha.
There’s really nothing on his computer that would cause red flags for me, he usually uses his computer when he’s right in front of me and shows me some of the stuff he’s looking at.
Though, with past boyfriends I have found that I wanted to snoop, simply because one of my ex-boyfriends had a record of being a bit unfaithful, so that made me nervous–but even he didn’t hide much; leaving porn open on his computer, making his computer background some naked chick. Hm. He’s an ex for a reason! Good luck girls, resist the urge!
Post # 6
Whenever I am tempted to snoop, I remember this story: FI’s brother was staying with us, and he used my computer. He left his mail open, but I thought it was FI’s. I was like, “ooh, I’ll just take a peak” and saw a ton of emails from the website Fiance and I met on (Slate and The Onion have personals!). Just on the first page, there was a “welcome back!” email and several from women. For about 5 minutes, I was DEVESTATED. Truly. Then I came to my sense, looked up, and saw it was brother’s email.
Then I just felt like an idiot.
Basic moral is that you can get burned snooping. Everyone deserves some privacy, even from a spouse. And things aren’t always what they seem. If you see that your Fiance looked up something weird, you have no way of knowing if it was because he is interested in furry play (don’t google at work), or because he heard of furry play on a chat board and was curious.
Post # 7
I had an interesting snooping process – when we started dating, Fiance was very private, which made the urge to snoop hard to resist. Eventually, he gave me all his passwords, so I would look at his email, facebook, etc with his knowledge and consent. This went on for a bit, until I came to the realization that I was being a bit pathetic stalking him like this. All of a sudden, the desire to snoop disappeared completely. I asked him to change his password so I couldn’t look at his stuff anymore. And I haven’t snooped since 🙂
Looking back on it, I think the urge to snoop was inversely related to my trust in him. So as our relationship grew to the point where we trusted each other completely, there was no more need to snoop.
Post # 8
Ah snooping!!! So hard not to! My fiance has given me no reason to want to snoop, but sometimes I feel that it is built in us as women to be curious – also as an insurance policy. The important thing to remember is that if you want to find something, You Will! Well at least I know I would. I can make something out of anything. lol. I loved monitajb’s story and am so glad it worked out for her! Best policy is not to snoop!!
Another question for all you ladies relative to this convo. What do yo u think about sharing passwords. When I was younger I thought that all married people should share ALL passwords with each other, but now that I’m getting married, I think I’m getting more ok with some things being private and personal. Thoughts? 🙂
Post # 9
I did once, a few years ago, and seeing his absolute disappointment in me was enough to compel me never to do it again. Back then he said to me that I needed to start trusting him or it would never work, and I realized he was right.
I know he would never do it to me, and I owe him that back. It’s also a huge undermining of trust for the SO. He’s his own person and is entitled to his own thoughts and behaviors (and passwords:). He shows me the same respect, and I appreciate it.
Post # 10
@clane616: This is an old thread, but I often feel this way too and I don’t know what to do.
Post # 11
I have no desire to snoop because it is not my business if he were to use his cell phone infront of me I could careless. I have never been a snooper because I am just that kind of person. I told my girlfriend who snooped and look in her husband wallet, cell phone, emails, etc once you snoop and find something you are forced to deal with what you find.
Post # 12
I am going to be honest, I am the biggest snoop ever. And its not just with my fiance. Sometimes I don’t even realize I am doing it. The other day I was with my mom and her phone went off. She asked me to see who it was. I started reading her texts.. now she didn’t care (there was nothing interesting there) but she laughed about how nosey I am. I am guilty of looking under peoples sinks, cabinets and drawers just because I am nosey.. Opps. So OBVIOUSLY I snoop in my fiances stuff.. not because I don’t trust him because I do 100% just because I am nosey..
Post # 13
We have each others passwords, we use each others’ emails and phones and stuff… I snoop if I’m in a mood and I’m sure he does the same to me, not sure it even counts as snooping since neither of us care haha. Lots of transparency in this house.
Post # 14
I have no desire to snoop at anything of my husbands, I trust him. I use to snoop through my ex boyfriends things because I never trusted them. So for me snooping= not truely trusting. I know lots of people will say they trust their SO and still snoop but I don’t really know if I believe that.. I just don’t understand the point of it unless you have concerns that you will find something or need validating that there is nothing to find.
Post # 15
It’s not that I don’t trust my fiance, I do, completely, but lately I’ve succomb to snooping out of curiousity, just seeing what he was like before he was with me, knowing more about his old relationships. I feel awful and guilty because the past is the past and he’s marrying me, but I can’t explain why I feel so intrigued about his past. It feels like such an invasion of privacy to read old conversations with his exes and it’s not like we haven’t talked about them before. It definitely makes me feel pathetic. It’s interesting to see what he was like and how much he’s changed.