So angry at DH

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
11589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Did you tell him everything you just told us? Or did you just say okay? Sorry about your kitty, and during such a rough time! 🙁 HUGS!

Post # 4
Member
11589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

P.S I hope your recovery goes well! 

Post # 5
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Did you tell him that you wanted him to stay with you?

On one hand I feel like it’s sweet that he’s gone to get you a present for your anniversary, and on the other hand I feel like if you were really attached to your cat (as most people are with their pets) that it should be pretty obvious that you would want comfort right now.

Surely he could skip a night of the gym though? I remember that he is very into working out from some of your previous posts, but if he really needs to work out, couldn’t he do some sit ups and push ups at home? That way he gets to work out and you will have someone around to keep you company.  

Sorry about your kitty 🙁

 

Post # 6
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

I am so sorry for your loss 🙁 I think your DH should have stayed and comforted you!

Post # 7
Member
11589 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Jacqui90:  I 100% agree! I would be heart broken if I lost a pet! And from previous posts I know OP and her husband have been together since teen years. So he should know you well enough OP to know you needed comforting. 🙁 If you didn’t tell him, when he gets home I think you should have a talk with him about why you are so upset.

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Let him know when he gets home that it’s really important that he stays home with you tonight. I can understand where he’s coming from – my boyfriend and I both need alone time, and if we’ve been spending too much time together we get antsy and need to go be apart for a while. It sounds like that’s the case here. The situation today sucks, and I’m really sorry about your cat, but hopefully getting out of the house to do some errands will help clear his head and will allow him to be caring and attentive tonight. For us, it’s worse if we stay together when we’re antsy and is much better if we separate for a few hours then come back together. But even if he’s not feeling it, he should suck it up tonight!

Post # 11
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@dannielle89:  I was going to say, guys often grieve differently than we do, and maybe he left because he needed time to process in his own way. I know my DH likes to “do stuff” when he’s upset or sad, like work outside in the yard or fix the car or something, whereas I might prefer to sit together and talk or cry.

I hope your recovery goes well, and I’m very sorry about your cat. 🙁

Post # 12
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

He was leaving to get an anniversary gift not go to a strip club. If he’s home and in another room, he might as well be out. OP, you said you’d be okay with that so I don’t see the difference. 

To me, it doesn’t sound like spending time together is a priority for him. After the death of a pet and a surgery, I can’t see going to the gym twice a day as being a priority. If it is for him, I think some re-evaluating is needed. Communication doesn’t exactly sound open here. 

My husband wouldn’t need to be told to stay with his wife after surgery, let alone after surgery and the loss of a furry family member. I would absolutely not stand for it…how much alone time does a married man need? 

Post # 13
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@dannielle89:  Aw, you poor thing. Men are so hard headed sometimes. Sometimes you want them to just KNOW how you feel without you having to tell them.

Just talk to him and make it known that you are sad and you don’t want to be alone. Give him a little time here and there to have to himself but just give him a little push so he knows how you feel.

Post # 14
Member
1259 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@chercee:  That’s a good point! Everyone deals with things like that differently.

Post # 15
Hostess
9908 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@dannielle89:  So sorry for the loss of your cat.  I think it’s a little bit of A and a little bit of B.  He was probably a little bit unsensitive and you’re probably a little over sensitive right now.  My FH needs alone time, I’ve realized recently that he’s a serious introvert (and I now understand that doesn’t mean he’s shy or quiet, it has to do with how his energy levels are managed – anyways).  In emotional situations, he’s fantastic for as long as he possibly can be, but then he tends to shut down.  If he was taking care of me for 2 weeks – even with time off to go to the gym or whatever, I know he would find that draining.  Add the death of a pet/family member, and he would probably need to escape to be alone to process things. 

I’m like you, I would want to be cuddled etc, this can drive my FH crazy – we’re learning (after 9 years together) how to balance each others needs.  Don’t be afraid to tell him that you really need him to stay with you right now 🙂

Post # 16
Member
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

So sorry for the loss of your kitty 🙁

It sounds like DH is really taking good care of you and the home while you convalesce. I think you’re being a little selfish here. He is grieving for the cat too and men need a little space for those things. It isn’t as if he is going to sit and cry WITH you, they often need to go off alone for such things. As long as he is looking after your needs, why begrudge him a little time by himself. He even spent THAT time doing something for you. Cut the man a little slack. Sounds like you have a good one!

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